The Relaxed Writer

Make It Fun!

A Swiss-based coaching client sent me a link to Volkswagen's recent Fun Theory video, "Piano Stairs" recently.  Have you seen it yet?

5 Simple Tips to Beautify Your Life

“The longer I live the more beautiful life becomes. If you foolishly ignore beauty, you will soon find yourself without it. Your life will be impoverished. But if you invest in beauty, it will remain with you all the days of your life.”      -Frank Lloyd Wright

I don't know about you but when someone speaks to me from the vantage point of a life mostly-lived, well...I tend to listen up.

To me, Wright's experience of an increasingly beautiful life is uncommon and inspiring.  He seems to be saying that "beauty" is available to us always, but it's up to us to wake to it, to cultivate it in our lives. 

photo credit: pablo.sanchez (Flickr)

Take a moment to think about your own life and habits.  Ask yourself:

• Have you been deliberately feeding your senses exquisite images and sounds, textures, colors and tastes? 
• Are you regularly decluttering your self-limiting attitudes and habits?  
• Do you give yourself regular time to reflect, process and savor your life's challenges and experiences?
• Do you experience your life a bit more richly, a bit lovelier than you did ten years, three years, thirty days ago? 

The late Thomas Leonard, pioneer of the coaching profession, believed that an optimized home and workspace enhance our ability to realize goals more than we might realize. 

To fine-tune your physical environment, this week I encourage you to consciously invest in beauty.  Take a few small steps to deliberately create a more elegant, inspiring or downright gorgeous place to live and work.

To get you started, here are 5 simple tips to beautify your life.

1. Grab some fresh flowers from the market, or tend and groom the houseplants you already have.
   
2. Cull the notes from your bulletin board, and use some of the newly freed-up space to post a quote, image or tchotchke that delights you. 
3. Reorganize your music collection, and create a playlist of newly rediscovered tunes or artists to play before or during your next writing session.
4. Warm up the lighting in your living or writing space.
5. Treat yourself to an elegant new writing tool.  Buy yourself a new pen or, if you prefer to write on-screen, experiment with a distraction-free writing environment to see how you like it.

You also may also experiment with making a daily "loved moments" list before bed.  To keep this exercise quick and simple, compress each impression into 1-3 sentences (or just an evocative phrase).  If you note even one loved moment a day, in a month you'll have a collection of notes to remind you of the beauty suffused in your everyday life. 

* * *

I'll end today's post with a personal note--a postcard of sorts.

My two-year-old daughter, Annabelle, has always been a lark (like her mom).

Early in the mornings, my husband has been wrapping our little daughter up head-to-toe in a fluffy down comforter and picking her up to go outside. He opens the front door slowly, and as the damp autumn morning rushes at her face, Annabelle clasps his neck expectantly.  They settle on the topmost step just outside the door, Annabelle cuddled on her dad's lap.

Sometimes I hear Annabelle and her dad through the door as they sit in the starlight, talking about the neighborhood yet-to-wake, listening to the birds and chipmunks, looking at the sky.  Often when I hear the rhythms of their sleepy chatter I stand still.  Enchanted.

(A simple "loved moment" of mine.)  

* * *

Care to share a recent "loved moment" of your own? 

What will you do to beautify your inner or outer environment this week?

Dr. Seuss on Simplicity

"Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple."
-Dr. Seuss

We writers can sometimes make the straightforward awfully complex. 

• We obsess about what to write, when the answer is often to simply "begin."

• We bemoan blocks when all we really may need is sleep, a juicy writing prompt or a new colleague with a sharp editorial eye.

After fighting with a complicated new email newsletter template for many more hours than I care to admit, I thought it'd be nice to hear a bit about simplicity from you, dear reader.

How do you cut through complexity?  How do you access your own simple answers?

Life Coaching Tip for Writers: Pay Yourself First

If you've ever read an article on how to save money, you've probably come across this common investment advice: "pay yourself first."

Work, household, family, writing...every day you have an array of "accounts" on which to spend your life energy.  What choices have you been making?  

Are you paying yourself first?

In my life coaching practice, I've found that as writers learn to prioritize their personal well-being, they begin to enjoy more focus and energy when they write.  (Our actions off-the-page affect our efforts  when we write.)

As clients begin to "pay themselves first," their lives become a bit more balanced. They begin to feel more empowered, more optimistic.  On track.  These positive effects creates a sense of momentum and possibility, creating ideal conditions for making further changes.

"Paying yourself first" doesn't have to be time-consuming or complicated, even.  Simply,

1. Choose a self-caring act, and do it every day.
2. Do it mindfully, with explicit intention.  ("Today I am investing in my own well-being.") 

Can 5-10 minutes of intentional self-care really make a difference, you might ask?  Try it for yourself and see. 

Here are a few very simple ideas to get you started.  

• Jot down a quick list of "5 Things I'm Grateful For" 
• Perform a 5-minute round of calisthenics
• Fill a page with notes, quotes or sketches related to your big-picture goals or dreams
• Sit quietly for 5 breaths before logging onto the computer or beginning to read the morning paper
• Straighten the house before bed

photo credit:  electrofantastic

A Kid and A Balloon: On Passion, Tenacity and Focus

They say you can learn a lot from a kid.  I recently learned a lesson about passion (and tenacity, and focus) from my toddler, Annabelle.

The other day my husband and Annabelle knocked on a friend's door.  When our friend answered, my nearly-two-year-old pushed past our friend and headed straight for an 18"-square Mylar balloon floating in the corner.  She gripped the purple and pink curling ribbons in her small hand and proudly took her new Happy Birthday "'boon!" home with her.

Annabelle clutched the ribbons in her tiny hand all day.  She held it as we rocked and cuddled to sleep.  The plastic weight (a pink plastic star) dragged behind her  as she moved busily from room to room to room.  The square balloon floated above her body as she napped--ribbons in one hand while she slept on her belly--on the living-room couch.  Late in the day, as we drove to the store, she held the balloon so it blocked my view of her face completely.

 "Annabelle?" I asked, turning my head around to check on her because she'd been so silent in her car seat.  She peeked her head around the side of the balloon--eyes sparkling--and then quickly went back to hiding.

 

It was only in the evening, well beyond her usual bedtime, that I was able to gently pry the balloon from Annabelle's pudgy little grip.  She wailed.

"Don't worry.  Your balloon...it's right here," I whispered.  

The little soul woke herself up ("Mama?  'Boon?") off and on throughout the next hour, sitting up sleepily to make sure she could still see the balloon's square outline as it danced in the dark, dark room.

* * * * *

On Passion

Like ourselves when we were small, Annabelle's senses guide her to what she loves.  Shiny?  Square?  Floaty?  She kindled passion for the balloon the very moment she saw it.

Want to rekindle passion for your writing?  Get started by answering these questions:

• What kinds of input do my senses most respond to?   Music?  Scent? Touch?

• What genres do I most love to read?  Love to create?

• Am I pursuing my project passionately right now?  What shifts do I need to make?  

Spend some time reflecting on an idea, object or literary form that you absolutely love, love, love.  Doing so "fills the well" (Julia Cameron's term) and feeds your creativity and passion.   

On Tenacity

Despite the considerable problem-solving required by Annabelle's new passion (how to get a spoon to her mouth, how to fill up her purse, how to get a shirt changed while holding a balloon?), she persisted.

To find time and creative space to develop our book proposals, novels or other "after-hours" projects, we need to cultivate:

• fervent desire
• strong belief that we can succeed
• imaginative problem-solving, and
• the ability and willingness to persist: to try for our goals again and again and again and again.

Consider these questions:

• How can I be more proactive in creating time to write?
  
• When challenged by self-doubt or circumstance, do I persist?
• What can I do to meet obstacles with more flexibility?

On Focus

Like Annabelle straining to see her balloon's outline in the dark, life can seem so busy that our view of what we want is obscured. It sometimes takes great effort and intention to truly "see" our passions.

Successful athletes use their minds to cultivate and visualize their goals.  This technique works for writers, too.

Try this simple exercise.

Write down 2-3 goals on a 3x5 index card.  Phrase them as if each goal is completed.  For example:

• "My manuscript is well-realized and finished."
• "My agent is shopping my proposal."
• "I've written an emotionally resonant, supremely crafted short-story."

As life presents you with a few spare moments (waiting for an appointment, before you go to bed), review your goals.  Take a few moments to clearly visualize yourself working at and achieving each one.

If you review your goals daily, you'll begin to build belief in your work and become aware of opportunities you'd never noticed before.  You'll also begin building a new mental muscle:  the one that helps you to continually "see" your goals, even in the dark.

Inviting the Flow State: 4 Simple Practices to Try Today

It's Monday morning, I know.  Just for fun, though, I'd like invite you to practice your flexibility-of-mind muscles and try something new for the next few hours:  let yourself burble with joy.

"Burble with Joy?  What the Heck Are You Talking About?"

Random House defines a "burble" as:

1. "a bubbling or gentle flow," or
2. "an excited flow of speech."

I prefer to combine these two ideas, and define "burble" this way: 
"a bubbling, gentle flow of thoughts, speech and actions." 

Read that again.  "A bubbling, gentle flow of thoughts, words and actions."  Wouldn't it be nice to flow gently through your day today?

"I Still Don't Get It."

Take a moment to unpack my definition.

"Bubbling."
 - Synonyms include creative, active, generative.

"Gentle."
 - As in: unforced, unimpeded.

"Flow."
 - For purposes of this discussion, let's define "flow" as a forward motion ignited by one's calm, focused, creative mindset and actions. 

"Flow" is a casual relationship (If "focused + calm + creative" then "flow").  It's a dynamic movement of energy not controlled by or originating from our will or our analytical, "thinking" mind.

4 Simple Practices

Ready to give "burbling with joy" (or, simply, inviting the flow state) a try?  Use today as your  canvas and let's get started.  Here's how:

1.  Focus on the tasks at-hand:  do what you need to get done today.
Shift your focus from the future to this moment...right now.  Allow yourself to be fully present with the tasks and demands of your day.  Focus is an important habit for writers.

2. Relax your mind and body periodically throughout the day.
In the busiest of days, you always have options for self-relaxation. You can workout (take the stairs, walk around the block or hit the gym), free write, call a friend, choose good-for-you food, or take a moment to stretch or breathe. Choose one or two to practice today.

3.  Simplify:  Table your worries until tomorrow. (Trust me, they'll still be there for you.) 
You can do your long-range planning (or big-scale worrying!) tomorrow.  Just for this day, I'd like you to experience the creativity that comes from being "in the day" with just the tasks at hand.  Tabling our worries is an act of faith.  If this is difficult for you, here are two exercises to try:

  >>Clear your desk (and your mind).  Create a clean, uncluttered workspace for yourself today.  As you move papers and projects aside, imagine you're also clearing worries from your mind. 

>>Time your worries.  If you feel you absolutely must worry today, try this exercise:  set a timer and allow yourself 10 minutes to fully express your fears, worries and concerns.  After the timer goes off, shift gears, knowing that sometimes the subconscious mind can come up with amazing solutions we could never deliberately create on our own.  If you begin to get "worry withdrawal," remember that you can repeat this exercise tomorrow.

4.  Smile.
Here in Marin County, California, it's not uncommon to see people in cars passing by or stopped at a light just sitting there...smiling.  (I'm not kidding!  This shocked me at first, but after 8 years in California, I'm getting used to it.) 

I'm not suggesting you act dopey or fake.  Your community or workplace may not be ready for this kind of "radical smiling," I know.  Still, you can take a moment to try smiling to yourself (privately, if you prefer)...several times today.

It's been said that simply by choosing to smile, we can alter our mood.  If this is true (my experience says it is), don't overlook this free mood-alterer.  Your smile's accessible to you at any time.

* *

By calming your mind and shifting your focus from the bigger picture to the present moment, task or conversation, you cultivate ideal conditions for creativity and flow--both in your writing and your life.

Have fun playing with these simple exercises today.   Let me know how things go, and get out there and "burble!"

(photo credit:  Gaetan Lee)

p.s. - Thanks also to @toomarvelous for helping me to retitle this post. 

Solitude: How to Take Space with Ease

Some writers struggle with taking the space they need to replenish their creativity and passion for their work.  They may be afraid their partner will feel left-out, hurt or abandoned when they tell them, "I need to spend some time alone."  They may find themselves justifying their need for solitude to a partner who just doesn't understand.

Clarissa Pinkola Estes teaches an effective technique for making time for solitude while in a relationship.  These two tips can help you--cleanly, effectively--take the space you need without guilt or undue stress for yourself or your partner.

1. Let them know you're going.
2. Let them know you'll be coming back.

Ridiculously simple, isn't it? 

Here is a simple script you can use.  Try it on and see how it works for you.

Let them know you're going.
This afternoon I need to take some time away to revive my writing life.  I'm not sure exactly what I'll be doing, but I'll be out of touch for a few hours.

Let them know you'll be coming back.
I should wrap up around 3.  Would you like to check in then?

To take space with ease, you need to do two things.

1.  State your intention clearly, without inviting or entertaining analysis, commentary or judgment.  Of course, to avoid discussion, you'll choose your time away when it's a decently convenient time for the life you and your partner share.  (In other words, avoid using "need for solitude" as a way to avoid washing the car or the weekly visit with Auntie Rae.)  :)   "I've decided to go;  I'm going."  That's it.  No need to explain or defend yourself.  This skill gets easier with practice, I promise.

2.  Reassure your partner that you will return, and will look forward to connecting when you're back.  This simple step does wonders for the one who's left behind. (I know, because now that my husband has learned this skill, he often takes a moment to tell me, "I'll be back soon," before he takes space.  Whenever he takes a moment to remind me he'll be returning, I'm relieved.)

Perhaps it's just human nature to not want to be left behind.  Or perhaps by the time many of us finally honor our own need to take space, we're in such a grumpy or angular state that we can't help but elbow our loved ones on the way out the door.

By taking solitude when we need it, and by using these skills to take space with ease, we walk--not push--out way out the door.  We return as better writers. 

We return as better partners, too. 

Replenish the Writer: Anne M. Lindbergh on Solitude

Only when one is connected to one's inner core is one connected to others. And, for me, the core, the inner spring, can best be re-found through solitude.   --Anne Morrow Lindbergh

 Dear Reader,

As I write this, I'm steeped in silence and solitude.  My cells are nourished by this temporary lack of sound and companionship, especially because on most days my small house is populated by one vocal cat, a lively, music-loving toddler--one who's just discovered her screaming-for-joy voice, by the way--and an active, sociable husband.  It's not that I'm completely deprived of solitude, but to get the space I need, I have to be intentional and proactive.

If you're a writer, I don't have to tell you how important solitude is to your craft, but perhaps I might take this moment to remind you that time for solitude won't necessarily present itself on its own.  You  may have to actively take time and space away from your daily obligations and loved ones to make it happen.  

What does "solitude" look like for you?  I'd like to hear your ideas, and will share some of my own with you later this week.

until then, write well.
~Coach Marla

p.s. - Thanks to "akaporn" (Flickr) for the gorgeous image.

Distracted Writer's Remedy: Part 1

Are you a distracted writer?  

If you write at the computer keyboard, you're attempting to write amidst a slew of tangential demands for your attention.  Given all the information available to us in the margins (not to mention the ready-and-willing-ness of the internet just a few keystrokes away), is it any wonder it's often a challenge to get the real work of writing done?

The Distracted Writer's Remedy #1:  "Unplug"

In "Procrastination Station," today's post on the LiveWires blog, my friend and fellow writer, Emily Kischell, muses about her tendency to perceive that she's less productive when she writes despite a proliferation of productivity tools:

As writers we have so many tools of convenience now. We are able to wrangle type instantly and easily. Not that we would, but we could write a novel on our cell phone in the middle of the jungle somewhere and then email it back to our agent instantly. This is quite an evolution from ink copies made by hand in candlelight, or for that matter, from writing a college paper on a typewriter and then treking up hill both ways to a photocopy machine to create a backup. And yet where is the spare time generated by these conveniences?

Kischell attributes her diminishing productivity to a phenomenon she's coined "digital fidgeting." (I love this term.)  She's decided that, for her, the remedy is to disconnect her computer from the internet for a few hours each day.

One of my coaching clients regularly"disconnects" before his writing sessions, too. 

Next time you sit down to write, try "sealing off" your writing session by turning off the internet and writing offline.  

And please check back in a day or two for the Distracted Writer's "Remedy #2," including a special offer for you.

On Busses & Bad Days: How to Write When You Don't Really Want To

My toddler learned two new words yesterday: "rice" and "bus." To see her eyes sparkle at her new power to name (especially while pointing her finger urgently at a passing bus) makes me marvel. What a terrific force joy can be!

If you're anything like me, you may pursue writing (or music or baking) in large part because it makes you feel so good when you do it.

And if you're anything like me, when the joyful work get rough--the story resists a workable form, logic eludes or the dough doesn't rise--you can be tempted to react by losing faith in the project, doubting your vision, or abandoning your sense of confidence, belief or purpose.

We are so lucky to have work we love.  But we need to love our work without conditions.  Day after day, whether we feel like it or not, we improve our writing by writing.

My friend, Carl, is a professional sculptor.  He lives and works with his wife, Marie, a fine art bookmaker.   His yard is graced by elegant metal sculptures; he's successful enough to live off his art.

"How'd you do it, Carl?" I used to ask, before I had the guts to claim my passion and do work I love.   "Every day, I work," he said simply.

Writing can be joyful, but be assured: you will occasionally encounter challenges and obstacles. What to do when the joy ebbs?  What to do when you start to doubt yourself or your writing?

"Every day, work," Carl would say.  Lose the expectation that writing must always be fun.  Know that even successful, prolific writers sometimes temporarily lose their way.  When things don't go well, don't make a too-big deal of it.  Give yourself permission to be real. 

"Just a bad day on the page.  I'll try again tomorrow." 

Sometimes a bad day is just a bad day. 

The Art of Not-Trying: 3 Habits to Cultivate 'Flow'

In Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience, psychologist Mihaly Csíkszentmihályi lists nine elements that accompany "flow."

After "clear goals" and "concentration and focus" is the subject of today's Relaxed Writer post:
"a loss of feeling of self-consciousness; the merging of action and awareness."

How to merge "action" and "awareness?"  Read on for "The Art of Not-Trying: 3 Habits to Cultivate Flow.'"

---

1.  Give yourself permission to write really, really bad stuff.  We all know the purpose of the first draft is to "get the ideas out" without paying much notice to grammar, rhetoric, etc.  But how bad are your first drafts, really? 

Nearly every writer I've coached has benefited from practicing redirecting his or her "trying" energy from writing a "solid" first draft to writing a "truly awful" one.  I invite you to practice this skill by  making your next first draft even more "horrible," "unbelievably incomplete," "sloppy," "barely coherent" or [insert your favorite descriptor here] than ever before. 

How to Do It: 
Have fun with this:  write badly in a bold way.  Your goal is what I call a "Swiss Cheese Draft:"  a slice of writing with a slight structure a gaping holes you'll fill in later.  By redirecting your "trying" energy, you essentially silence it.

2.  Thank your critic.  I believe it's inaccurate to think that we'll eventually overcome, overpower or eliminate our inner critical voices. In fact, the critic's chatter is a signal that our mind's in order:  it is natural and healthy to experience resistance when we move forward or write something new.  The trick is to welcome the critic's chatter as a signal that we're doing something right (by challenging ourselves, rather than staying in our comfort zone).  And then to move on.

How to Do It:
Treat the inner critic's chatter as you would an untimely call from an aggressive telemarketer.  Thank the critic for "calling," and then hang up. Immediately.  No need to get sucked in to its (often savvy, seductive) sales pitch.  You're too busy writing.

3.  Meditate.  Please note:  I define "meditation" loosely.   Any activity that helps connect you to a sense of well-being and helps you to turn down the volume of your inner thoughts counts. 

As a guide, think of your favorite activity (bread-baking, walking briskly, listening to Bach and doing yoga are a few of my own favorites).  If the activity helps you transform your energy from excited (or nervous, or jumpy) to calm, then it can serve you well as a form of "meditation."

Doing a meditative activity regularly helps you to:

• develop metacognitive awareness
• develop a sense of daring and play

Each of these qualities are essential elements of "not-trying," and build a strong base for the self-forgetting that contributes to creating flow.

How to Do It:
You may already be doing meditative activity on a regular basis.  If so, be aware of it as such and give yourself as much opportunity to engage in it as you can...preferably daily.

To experience more-formal meditation techniques, view my post, "Audio Supports for Meditation" for links to guided practices of secular and Buddhist-inspired techniques. 

Accepting What Is

I really didn't want to dress up my 18-month-old daughter, Annabelle, as a cow for Halloween.  I had other, cuddlier/more photogenic animals in mind for her second Halloween:  a dainty ladybug; perhaps a fluffy lamb.  

The moment Annabelle saw the costume, though, she puckered up her lips and started to moo. 

"You like this one," I said. 

"Moooooooo!" she replied, with a discernible twinkle in her eye.

In costume, Annabelle stared at her reflection in the mirror as we got ready for her playgroup party, and she mooed loudly.  At the party, she found a mirror under a table and returned to it again and again to admire herself (and to moo).  She wore her costume headpiece throughout the entire party.  When my friends said hello and greeted her with "You're a cow!" Annabelle happily mooed back at them. 

So it was.  Annabelle was a cow for Halloween.

It isn't always easy to let go of our preconceived notions of how our projects should turn out, but there is often real wisdom in letting our plans evolve simply into the way they need to be.

This simple principle has abundant applications in life and in writing.  The next time you investigate a big decision, try focusing first only on learning all you can about the various options available to you. Then, when decision-making time comes, relax your mind and use your intuition to connect you with "what the situation wants to be."  By shifting your focus from the outcome to the decision-making process itself, you allow your intuitive wisdom more space to express itself.

If you find yourself stuck while writing a piece, try stepping back from the work for a day or two.  When you return, ask yourself honestly:  "Am I interfering with the progress of this character/plot/thesis?"  Or, "am I forcing this into something it's not?" 

It can seem risky to relax into a new possibility, but often the results are refreshingly on-target and authentic.