Solitude: How to Take Space with Ease

Some writers struggle with taking the space they need to replenish their creativity and passion for their work.  They may be afraid their partner will feel left-out, hurt or abandoned when they tell them, "I need to spend some time alone."  They may find themselves justifying their need for solitude to a partner who just doesn't understand.

Clarissa Pinkola Estes teaches an effective technique for making time for solitude while in a relationship.  These two tips can help you--cleanly, effectively--take the space you need without guilt or undue stress for yourself or your partner.

1. Let them know you're going.
2. Let them know you'll be coming back.

Ridiculously simple, isn't it? 

Here is a simple script you can use.  Try it on and see how it works for you.

Let them know you're going.
This afternoon I need to take some time away to revive my writing life.  I'm not sure exactly what I'll be doing, but I'll be out of touch for a few hours.

Let them know you'll be coming back.
I should wrap up around 3.  Would you like to check in then?

To take space with ease, you need to do two things.

1.  State your intention clearly, without inviting or entertaining analysis, commentary or judgment.  Of course, to avoid discussion, you'll choose your time away when it's a decently convenient time for the life you and your partner share.  (In other words, avoid using "need for solitude" as a way to avoid washing the car or the weekly visit with Auntie Rae.)  :)   "I've decided to go;  I'm going."  That's it.  No need to explain or defend yourself.  This skill gets easier with practice, I promise.

2.  Reassure your partner that you will return, and will look forward to connecting when you're back.  This simple step does wonders for the one who's left behind. (I know, because now that my husband has learned this skill, he often takes a moment to tell me, "I'll be back soon," before he takes space.  Whenever he takes a moment to remind me he'll be returning, I'm relieved.)

Perhaps it's just human nature to not want to be left behind.  Or perhaps by the time many of us finally honor our own need to take space, we're in such a grumpy or angular state that we can't help but elbow our loved ones on the way out the door.

By taking solitude when we need it, and by using these skills to take space with ease, we walk--not push--out way out the door.  We return as better writers. 

We return as better partners, too.