The Relaxed Writer

Life Coaching Tip for Writers: Pay Yourself First

If you've ever read an article on how to save money, you've probably come across this common investment advice: "pay yourself first."

Work, household, family, writing...every day you have an array of "accounts" on which to spend your life energy.  What choices have you been making?  

Are you paying yourself first?

In my life coaching practice, I've found that as writers learn to prioritize their personal well-being, they begin to enjoy more focus and energy when they write.  (Our actions off-the-page affect our efforts  when we write.)

As clients begin to "pay themselves first," their lives become a bit more balanced. They begin to feel more empowered, more optimistic.  On track.  These positive effects creates a sense of momentum and possibility, creating ideal conditions for making further changes.

"Paying yourself first" doesn't have to be time-consuming or complicated, even.  Simply,

1. Choose a self-caring act, and do it every day.
2. Do it mindfully, with explicit intention.  ("Today I am investing in my own well-being.") 

Can 5-10 minutes of intentional self-care really make a difference, you might ask?  Try it for yourself and see. 

Here are a few very simple ideas to get you started.  

• Jot down a quick list of "5 Things I'm Grateful For" 
• Perform a 5-minute round of calisthenics
• Fill a page with notes, quotes or sketches related to your big-picture goals or dreams
• Sit quietly for 5 breaths before logging onto the computer or beginning to read the morning paper
• Straighten the house before bed

photo credit:  electrofantastic

Life Coaching Tip for Writers: Love the Rebel

Dear Reader,

It's Friday afternoon as I write this: a warm, sunny, just-before-the-holiday kind of Friday afternoon.  My husband and toddler left for the beach this morning, while I stayed back to catch up on work and writing.

I certainly noticed the sun as it began to warm the house through the skylights overhead.  By the afternoon, (after a robust session of digital fidgeting, I must confess) my inner rebel began to insist:  "C'mon and just quit the 'game' for the day. Grab the keys and head out to the coast...now!"

What a perfect opportunity to talk to you about today's life coaching tip for writers:  "Love the Rebel."

Can you relate to my restlessness?  If so, read on to learn how to use the energy of distraction and procrastination to create a more balanced, more productive writer's life.  (Yes, really!)

Look forward to hearing your thoughts and experiences in the Comments section.  Thanks for reading The Relaxed Writer!

yours,
Marla

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Life Coaching Tip for Writers:  Love the Rebel 

Introducing:  The Rebel

If you're not already familiar with your "inner rebel," allow me to make an introduction.  First, let's talk about its close relative:  the shadow.

Carl Jung said that when we fail to acknowledge our "weaknesses, shortcomings and instincts" consciously,  we subvert these perceived flaws into a part of our subconscious mind called the "shadow." 

We've all got a shadow, and this fact is nothing to be ashamed about.  When we ignore or repress our weaknesses, shortcomings or instincts though, we give our shadow power and we begin to take actions against our best interest.  (Have you ever pigged out after a successful run of dieting?  Then you know exactly what I mean!)

While Jung believed that ignoring our own unwanted personality qualities can hinder us, he also believed that the shadow is the "seat of creativity."  How paradoxical.  And powerful.

Your "inner rebel" works in much the same way as your shadow.  When we ignore its rebellious desires (to ditch responsibility, to play, to daydream or fiddle or simply zone out), our rebel's energy strengthens and we find ourselves fighting a serious case of "not gonna' do it" energy.

Like our shadow though, if handled correctly our inner rebel's power feeds our creativity, leading us to play and relax, to nest and wander.

How to harness the energy of the inner rebel?

One of the easiest "fixes" I offer a client who's reporting a rebellious week is this:  listen to the rebel.  Then love on it, if you can.

Listen to the Rebel

What's the use of having a difficult week if you can't learn from the experience?

Let's assume that when our lives are balanced, things often hum along and we get stuff done.

When we're out of balance--ignoring our need for downtime or setting outsized goals for ourselves--we energize the rebel, and nothing gets done.

The easy solution to "right relation" with this powerful energy is this: 

• expect it  
• listen

Expect the inner rebel.

It's a given: you're going to have an off day or week now and then.  Don't be surprised (or worse, judge yourself harshly) when you fail to work or write well.  (Note:  Letting go of self-judgment can be tricky to do on your own, at least at first.)  As I said in a recent guest post at Write to Done, "the quality of one writing session doesn’t define a life’s work of writing."  Same goes for the quality of your work week, or the writing you did or did not produce between coaching calls.  Setbacks will happen, but they don't have to define you.

When you expect the inner rebel, you resist its temptation to derail you in self-judgment or criticism. 

Listen.

Here comes the best part.  If you listen with the right attitude, your inner rebel tells you plainly what you're wanting more of in life. 

Wasting time on Facebook?  Perhaps next week you need to allow more time to get together with friends.  Stuck on the sofa, watching too much T.V.?  Perhaps some unbridled intellectual downtime is in order.  Too busy washing dishes and vacuuming to write?  You may need to honor your need to nest with a little more time at home.

If you're not already familiar with this book, I highly recommend Neil Fiore's The Now Habit.  In it, Fiore proposes a radical idea:  after calendaring your appointments and fixed commitments, schedule your downtime and recreation time in, and then work your writing sessions in around them. 

Fiore's "unschedule" urges us to honor the rebel first. The benefits?  "Scheduling guilt-free play gives you a sense of freedom about your life that enables you to more easily settle into a short period of quality work."

"Play first, work later"?  This is a concept worth investigating, don't you think?

Try This

Next time you're feeling rebellious, try to notice your counterproductive energy without reacting to it. 

Instead, take a deep breath and listen.  Observe the forms your rebellion takes. Can you use what you learn to make a few concessions to your resistance this week?  Schedule a little "guilt-free play?"  My clients often report that it doesn't take much time at all to shift themselves from deprivation to freedom mode when they finally honor ("love") their inner rebel.

By working with your resistance when it arises, you'll rob your pesky inner rebel of its negative powers and redirect its energy, creating a more balanced, more creatively productive life in the process.

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How does your inner rebel show up for you?  What are your favorite ways to work with resistance  when it arises?