The Relaxed Writer

On Gratitude: A Simple Game and a Few Lovely Links for Writers

I'm usually a chirpy, early riser.  If I didn't share a cozy cabin-of-a-house with my husband, kid and cat, I'm quite certain I would wake up singing.  Literally.

But yesterday morning? 

No way.

I'd been up late the night before, working myself into wakefulness fretting about a few people I love, rewriting reality to suit me better (good luck with that one, right?), stressing out over my big to-do list and worrying over a big organizing project I'd been putting off. 

Then I turned my attention to my daughter's immediate and far-off future. I freaked out about it all--for no good reason at all. 

And when my alarm went off the next day, I was not chirpy.   Or "sing-y." 

I was grumpy.

And I really couldn't afford to be.  I had a sweet family to breakfast with and a full schedule of private clients to coach once I left the house. 

I needed to get out of the "stuck place" so I could move on with my day.

Playing "Ten Things"

Life and meditation and coaching have taught me to take perspective when I'm feeling hijacked by fear or anxiety.  Rather than buy into the negativity and let it immobilize me, most of the time I try to gently shift my thinking.

One of the simplest way I know is to play "Ten Things I'm Grateful For."

Sp yesterday I stayed in bed 5 extra minutes, doing my best to survey my life and all the great things in it. 

"One, I'm grateful for my healthy body…"

(Playing "10 Things" always feels a bit awkward at first.  Usually don't let myself quit until I get to ten.)

"Two, I'm grateful for my family…"

I don't know how this game works, but it does. 

By the time I got to Number 10, I didn't feel perfect.  But I felt a little suprised at all the good stuff. 

And I felt better!

…Good enough to greet my little daughter and sleepy husband with kindness.

…Good enough to coach my clients.

…Good enough to write a few short pieces that really needed to be written.

…Good enough to draft this post for you.

I'm not promising your obstacles will melt away magically.  But a heart filled with gratitude has a little more agility, a little more ability to move freely and respond to life in helpful ways. 

When you need to write but are feeling too antsy or afraid of the page, try practicing gratitude by playing "Ten Things."  Try it, too, when you're driving home from work or waiting in line at the grocery store.   Ask your lover or friend to play along with you.

You deserve a happy heart.
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Lovely Links for Writers

In the spirit of feeling great about your life and writing, I wanted to share a few links to help you reconnect to your writing happy place -- that wonderful space where gratitude and possibility meet...

Writing to Change the World -  Carolyn Rubenstein
http://www.abeautifulrippleeffect.com/2011/10/writing-to-change-the-world/

Become a Better Writer by Practicing Gratitude - Jeff Goins
http://writeitsideways.com/become-a-better-writer-by-practicing-gratitude/

3 Ways to Recharge Your Writing Dream - (mine)
http://marla.typepad.com/the_relaxed_writer/2010/08/writing-dream-recharge.html

Grateful?  Now, go do something. - Judy Stone-Goodman
http://www.thereflectivewriter.com/feeling-grateful-and-hungry-put-them-together-to-help-those-in-need/

Enjoy your day and thanks for reading.  Feel free to share your thoughts and comments below.

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Why That Blog Post Is Not Yet Written

I'm gonna' be honest. Tonight I'm sitting here with some coaching notes and an outline scattered on the couch beside me. My daughter's asleep, my husband's reading and my cat's snuggled on a pile of clean laundry across the room.

You'd think I'd be able to write up a few thoughts for you on how to finish your novel.

Truth is, I lost a dear aunt this week.  And I need to focus on my family for the next few days. 

I'll be back again later this week.  In the meantime, thought you might like to pop over to Write to Done and check out my guest post from last summer, "First Draft Secrets:  Five Simple Steps."

When my head clears, I think I'll be re-reading it myself. :-)

-Marla

On Busses & Bad Days: How to Write When You Don't Really Want To

My toddler learned two new words yesterday: "rice" and "bus." To see her eyes sparkle at her new power to name (especially while pointing her finger urgently at a passing bus) makes me marvel. What a terrific force joy can be!

If you're anything like me, you may pursue writing (or music or baking) in large part because it makes you feel so good when you do it.

And if you're anything like me, when the joyful work get rough--the story resists a workable form, logic eludes or the dough doesn't rise--you can be tempted to react by losing faith in the project, doubting your vision, or abandoning your sense of confidence, belief or purpose.

We are so lucky to have work we love.  But we need to love our work without conditions.  Day after day, whether we feel like it or not, we improve our writing by writing.

My friend, Carl, is a professional sculptor.  He lives and works with his wife, Marie, a fine art bookmaker.   His yard is graced by elegant metal sculptures; he's successful enough to live off his art.

"How'd you do it, Carl?" I used to ask, before I had the guts to claim my passion and do work I love.   "Every day, I work," he said simply.

Writing can be joyful, but be assured: you will occasionally encounter challenges and obstacles. What to do when the joy ebbs?  What to do when you start to doubt yourself or your writing?

"Every day, work," Carl would say.  Lose the expectation that writing must always be fun.  Know that even successful, prolific writers sometimes temporarily lose their way.  When things don't go well, don't make a too-big deal of it.  Give yourself permission to be real. 

"Just a bad day on the page.  I'll try again tomorrow." 

Sometimes a bad day is just a bad day. 

Accepting What Is

I really didn't want to dress up my 18-month-old daughter, Annabelle, as a cow for Halloween.  I had other, cuddlier/more photogenic animals in mind for her second Halloween:  a dainty ladybug; perhaps a fluffy lamb.  

The moment Annabelle saw the costume, though, she puckered up her lips and started to moo. 

"You like this one," I said. 

"Moooooooo!" she replied, with a discernible twinkle in her eye.

In costume, Annabelle stared at her reflection in the mirror as we got ready for her playgroup party, and she mooed loudly.  At the party, she found a mirror under a table and returned to it again and again to admire herself (and to moo).  She wore her costume headpiece throughout the entire party.  When my friends said hello and greeted her with "You're a cow!" Annabelle happily mooed back at them. 

So it was.  Annabelle was a cow for Halloween.

It isn't always easy to let go of our preconceived notions of how our projects should turn out, but there is often real wisdom in letting our plans evolve simply into the way they need to be.

This simple principle has abundant applications in life and in writing.  The next time you investigate a big decision, try focusing first only on learning all you can about the various options available to you. Then, when decision-making time comes, relax your mind and use your intuition to connect you with "what the situation wants to be."  By shifting your focus from the outcome to the decision-making process itself, you allow your intuitive wisdom more space to express itself.

If you find yourself stuck while writing a piece, try stepping back from the work for a day or two.  When you return, ask yourself honestly:  "Am I interfering with the progress of this character/plot/thesis?"  Or, "am I forcing this into something it's not?" 

It can seem risky to relax into a new possibility, but often the results are refreshingly on-target and authentic.