The Relaxed Writer

Write During the Holidays - Tip #2: Don't Consume...Create

This post is the second in a three-part series on how to stay on track with your writing during the holidays.  If you missed Write During the Holiday Tip #1 (Gift Yourself), you can find it here.

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Write During the Holidays Tip #2 - Don't Consume...Create

"Don't Consume....Create."

A rather radical proposition, I know. But this year I've come across a few families who are planning to "create, not consume."  They'll skip the malls altogether in favor of crafting and creating their own holiday gifts.

Their reasoning?  Saving money.  Spending "slow" time together.  Creating new holiday traditions and memories.

How could you apply "create, don't consume" to your writing life this holiday season?

Take the idea literally, and you might...

•  write a poem or heartfelt letter and gift it to a special friend or family member
•  write and produce a simple video script using your laptop or desktop computer

Read the concept as a metaphor, and you could...

•  put a time limit on your holiday shopping (both online and in the stores). Do this mindfully and I'd bet you could save yourself at least one weekend day.
•  invest the time you save back into your writing by devoting an afternoon or a day to sending out new queries, working on your fiction or working on your book proposal

Find ways to create a holiday experience that's meaningful to you. 

If a slower, more inward holiday experience appeals to you, see how you can slow things down for yourself and your family this holiday.  If you're someone who loves the holiday bustle, enjoy it all but deliberately counter-balance the energy you're spending "out there" with several deliberate writing sessions each week.

The real tip today is to be intentional.  Take a little time to consider which holiday commitments and activities support your goals and vision for your holiday.  Then invest your time and energy in having fun AND honoring your writing.

I'm here to support you.

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What do you think?  Leave your comments below.  And stay tuned for the 3rd and final "How to Write During the Holidays" tip - coming soon.

 

 

Ask the Writing Coach: Should I Take My Computer on Vacation?

photo credit:  Marla Beck

Catherine, a freelance writer, asks, "I leave town for two weeks tomorrow and I'm debating:  should I pack the laptop?  How do I decide if I should take my computer on vacation?"

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You're not alone, Catherine. Many writers have asked me this same question, most of them expecting to hear a clear and "life-coachy" directive: 

"Of course not!  Leave the computer at home."

Alas, it's not so simple. There's no one-size-fits-all "take the computer or not" answer for everyone. As you decide what's right for you, today I offer you a few case studies to consider-- real-life examples from my coaching practice. 

Just Say No.  (Ronnie's Opportunity)

Meet Ronnie.

In the past two months, Ronnie's made major strides in creating clear boundaries between his freelancing work and his personal life. He says he's much happier and energized about his work these days. He feels like he has more control over his time, too.  When Ronnie's working, he's really working.   When he's not, he's completely off-duty -- no laptop in sight.  Ronnie reports that his partner really appreciates his newfound ability to be more present when he's at home, and he loves the newfound peace-of-mind he's found.

But Ronnie's vacation last month posed an interesting opportunity: would he stick to his new habits and dare to be truly offline while vacationing...for an entire week?  Or would he tuck his laptop in his luggage, just to check in?

I challenged Ronnie to honor his own time boundaries. I dared him to leave the computer at home.

Choosing a computer-free vacation required Ronnie to work a bit harder before he left town. His decision also required Ronnie to act on faith.  He had to trust that he'd "done enough" before leaving town.  He had to trust that new assignments and opportunities would be readily available to him once he returned.  

When Ronnie returned to his writing desk a week later, he was slightly more tanned and chock full of  new story ideas. "I left my computer behind...I did it!" he told me during our next coaching call.  He sounded pleased.

Ronnie left his work at home, and by traveling laptop-free, he'd taken a courageous stand to respect his own time and boundaries. 

"I wouldn't have done it any other way," he said.

 Don't Leave Home Without It. (Kelly's Opportunity)

Kelly's situation was a bit different.  A writer and busy mom, she used our coaching structure to help her  create the extra time she needed to develop a long-term book project. She gained momentum quickly and loved her work.  Until late May, that is.  This year, the end-of-school-year hustle derailed her writing progress for an entire three weeks.

A few weeks after the schoolyear ended, Kelly readied her family for a two-week vacation. "I should leave the laptop at home, right?  And not work on the book?" she asked.  She seemed hesitant.  A tiny bit guilty.

Kelly was working on an independent project she loved.  In her case, traveling with some of her research and her laptop was an act of self-care.  It took courage for her to admit that, "for me, writing is 'resting.'  I'm a writer and I love my work!"   But she did it.

Kelly returned from her vacation quite pleased.  She packed her laptop and didn't work on the book every day -- she wasn't expecting herself to in the first place.  She did manage to move her project forward though, and by investing just a few joyful and productive hours in her project, she regained much of the momentum she'd lost at the end of the school year.  Better yet, she felt great!

If you're like Kelly, I encourage you to own your own version of what it means to rest and relax.  Don't just blindly accept society's definitions.  If you find that working on your independent writing project is restorative and joyful, go for it.  Pack your laptop and enjoy some no-pressure writing sessions. 

Allow yourself to be true to you, regardless of how well you match social expectations.

Keep It Simple. (Melissa's Opportunity)

This week Melissa, a hard-working freelancer in the midst of an exciting career breakthrough, mentioned her well-deserved vaction during our call.  "We leave tomorrow morning," she said, "and I'm trying to decide if I need to take the laptop..."

"Here we go," I thought.

Remember that in Ronnie's case, saying no was an act of courage and integrity?

Remember that in Kelly's case, saying yes was an act of courage and integrity?

Well, Melissa's case was a bit different. Melissa's decision wasn't about taking a stand or owning her true nature. She just needed to think through a few logistics:  did she really need her laptop? 

After thinking things through carefully, Melissa realized that she needed access to much less info than she'd first thought. If the art department called her cellphone with a truly urgent caption question (her worst-case scenario), she realized she needed to be able to access her Dropbox, not her entire hard drive. 

She planned to upload a few documents to the cloud this afternoon. 

When she boards the plane tomorrow, Melissa will be travelling light:  no laptop.  No paperwork. No anxiety.  She's well-prepared to respond, if needed.

What'll It Be?  (Here's Your Opportunity)

So...what'll it be?  Did you relate to any of the writers I highlighted in today's post?  

As you pack your bags and decide for yourself whether the laptop stays or goes, I hope you'll also take a moment to make this simple decision: "I'm going to have a great trip."

Tuck a clear intention in your pocket and do everything you can to leave town feeling happy and relaxed.

Laptop or not, I hope you enjoy your vacation, Catherine.  If you write for a living, I've no doubt that you deserve it!

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P.S. - About Today's Photo...

I took the picture above while visiting Mt. Lassen last week with my family.

If you'd like to see a few more snaps from our trip through Northern California and Oregon, I'm posting a few more pics over on my Facebook Fan Page.  Click here to check 'em out and join us!

 

 

 

 

 

 

2 Keys to Freelance Happiness (and a Free Teleclass for Writers)

I'm on a mission to help you become a relaxed, productive and downright *happy* writer!

And in my six years' experience coaching successful freelancers, 
I've learned two important keys to freelance writer happiness:

1. You're pursuing meaningful projects, whether as a bread-and-butter gig or side project;
2. You're using strategic tools and systems to streamline your business, clarify your priorities and get both your paid and your personal writing done.

This Wednesday, I'll be teaching a popular, info-packed teleclass designed to help you create more balance, happiness & success with your freelance writing business.

Will you join me?

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FREE TELECLASS FOR WRITERS -

"5 Steps to Balance, Bliss and a Booming Writing Business"
Wednesday, March 9 at 9am PT / 12 noon ET

Click here to learn more & register:
http://www.coachmarla.com/teleclass.html

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In this free, one-hour teleclass you'll discover:

• how to harness more time, focus and energy for the important "big picture" projects you keep putting off (marketing plan, query writing, book proposal, anyone?)

• three essential business practices to boost your productivity and your bottom line

• how to take control of your business so you can devote more of your time and talents to doing what makes you happiest

I'll share with you simple, easy-to-implement tips you can begin using right away to become a happier, more successful freelancer.  Best of all, I suspect you'll even have a little fun!

If this class sounds like a good fit for you, I look forward to seeing you on Wednesday.

warmly,

Coach Marla

3 Reasons You Might Want to Say "No!" to NaNoWriMo

As a life coach, I often offer my clients permission.  Permission to take themselves more seriously.  Permission to say no.

Permission to run like heck from crazy schemes that'll challenge--if not utterly decimate -- their sense of balance and well-being.

So it probably won't surprise you that I can think of a few really good reasons you should think twice before signing up for NaNoWriMo.  

I'm not saying NaNoWriMo isn't right for everyone (tomorrow I'll take a look at why you may want to do it).  For now, though, a few reasons why NaNoWriMo may not be the right fit for you.

1.   Apples to Oranges

NaNoWriMo was created in 1999 by Chris Baty and three of his friends, Rolf Nelson, Ryan Dunsmuir, and John Sanders, in their San Francisco apartment. These friends were twentysomethings at the time, and they met daily to write and drink and shoot the breeze. ("Half literary marathon and half block party," says Baty.)  

Chris and his friends didn't have much else going on. 

And they weren't taking themselves very seriously.

If you're like several of the writers I've coached through NaNoWriMo, you may instead be greeted at the door by a demanding cat.  A spouse or kid wanting to connect (or be fed).  A reminder that your Thanksgiving holiday to be planned and shopped for and prepared.

You might even be putting a bit of pressure on yourself:  "I'm really a fiction writer if I win this year" or "I'm not a real writer if I don't."

Take a deep breath.

Does NaNo's 50,000 word success criteria suit you?  Take into account your personal situation, consider NaNo's origins and decide if committing to NaNoWriMo will truly support you as a writer. 

If trying to meet the arbitrary word count will make you crazed with stress, take yourself too seriously or alienate your cat or family members, you probably should pass.

2. That Body of Yours

Will you follow those twentysomething guys' examples and rely on Red Bull, bourbon and mucho Doritos to power you through hours and hours of writing?

Even if you choose healthier snacks and drinks, my guess is that, come December 1st, your body will show some wear and tear.

If so, how will you feel as you face the holidays?

• A little on the flabby side?
• Exhausted as heck? 

Consider whether you'll be able to regroup and recover before January 1, 2011 rolls around.  (Because no one likes to start the new year feeling icky if they can help it.)

Besides nutrition and exercise, you also need to consider whether you're  susceptible to repetitive strain injuries or carpal tunnel syndrome.

If writing and typing for long periods of time strains your body, think through carefully whether this month-long exercise is worth compromising your long-term health.  Say no to NaNo.  Or get your voice recognition software up and running so you can work in a way that works for you.

3.  Process or Product?

Chris Baty talks honestly about the original NaNo writers' motivations that first year:

"[W]e wanted to write novels for the same dumb reasons twentysomethings start bands. Because we wanted to make noise. Because we didn't have anything better to do. And because we thought that, as novelists, we would have an easier time getting dates than we did as non-novelists."

Are you in the same playful state of mind? If so, sharpen your pencils and charge your laptop battery. NaNo may be a no-brainer for you.

But take a moment to consider what your prose writing really needs the most.

• Would you benefit most from focussing on process for now?  If so, NaNo might be a terrific way to divorce your inner critic for the month.

• Or, do you most need to improve your story structure, character development, plotting or scene writing skills?  If so, imagine where you'd be in a month's time if you devoted even half the time you'll spend on NaNo to working through a fine fiction resource like Janet Burroway's classic, Writing Fiction: a Narrative Craft or Jordan Rosenfeld's Making a Scene.

Life is short (the wise ones say it's so).  What's the very best way for you to improve your writing in the next 30 days?

Dare to Do What's Best for You

I hope you'll think carefully about NaNo before you commit.  If you're ready for the challenge, here's wishing you luck, good humor and stamina. If not, here's a healthy helping of permission to say "No thanks, not this year."

Dare to do what's best for you.

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image credit:  E-Magic (Flickr)

p.s. - The above links aren't Amazon affiliate links.  I promise to let you know clearly if and when I use them in the future.

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What do you think?  Come November 1st, will you or won't you NaNoWriMo?

Are You Writing What Matters Most?

We writers are lucky folk.

Isn't it cool that people are willing to pay us to:

• research and report news stories,
• market goods or services,
• explain or share technical knowledge or other kinds of know-how?

I'll bet you've also noticed how handy your writing talents are your civic and personal life, as you use your gifts to: 

• express gratitude or appreciation,
• publicize organizations or events you care about, or
• write letters on behalf of causes you believe in?

Alone at the writing desk, you may find your creative writing project especially fulfilling.  You may write because you:

• simply love the tools, the craft, the process,
  
• feel you have something you absolutely must say, or
• you're one of those blessed folks who simply cannot not write. 
  

Your expressive talents are marketable, adaptable and deeply needed by the world.  As a writer you have so many opportunities to use your gifts!

Amidst so many options, it takes real intention to show up for your own work, doesn't it?

Why Your Own Work Matters

If there's one thing I've learned from surviving cancer twice in my 20s, it's that life is short and the time to do what really matters isn't later.  It's now, now, now.

• Because your words have the potential to steal the hearts and days of an engaged reader.

• Because "everybody is talented, original and has something important to say," (Brenda Ueland, If You Want to Write, Greywolf Press, 1987).

• Because when you write what matters most, you're more patient at home, at the gym, on the road and in the grocery store.

• Because when you show up for your real writing work, you're happier and you model for your friends and kids what it's like to be a working artist (empowering them to do the same).

• Because when you make time to write what matters most to you, you spark that otherworldy light behind your eyes, that delicious glow you notice when you look in the mirror or see reflected back in the smile of someone who really knows and supports you, that joyful inner radiance that says, wordlessly: 
  

"I'm choosing to live in integrity today."

"I'm alive.  (Truly.)" 

"I use my life and talent to do what matters most."

Are you making time to express your gifts in ways that truly matter? 

Do you show up each week to write what matters MOST?

Try This: 

Let's call this little exercise "Drop and Give Me Ten." 

First:  Set a timer, fire up your word processor or get out a notebook and explore "writing that matters most" in a 10 minute (or more) freewriting session.

When you've finished, take a moment to share your insights & ideas with us by leaving a comment, below.  I can't wait to hear what matters most to you.

Image Credit:  gutter (flickr.com)

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Discipline, Revised

On my afternoon walks through town, I'd often see my friend, the late sculptor Carl Dern, working.  During the week the wide doors of his studio were almost always open, and as I passed I'd often hear the plunk of metal-on-metal or see bright bursts of light as he welded and worked with metal. 

Carl was a professional who earned a living from his craft.  Week after week, his elegant tree sculptures began to accrue into a small metal grove in the grass.

By all measures, Carl's "show up every day no matter what" approach was disciplined.

But Carl had a sense of ease and humor about him too. 

(See him here, posing in a tutu?) 

Carl told his stories with a wise twinkle in his eye.  He'd make whimsical books with his wife, Marie.  He named his dog, "Kitty." He practiced meditation every day. 

Like Carl, I think it's important for us to show up regularly to do our writing, and to show up to the page as fully alive and truthful and "present" as we can be, our hearts and perceptive faculties alive and thrumming as we work.

But what we do away from our writing desk matters, too. 

Cultivate a sense of playfulness in your life, and (sometimes, at least) your relaxed and happy state will accompany you to the page.

And a relaxed writer is often both productive and inspired.

photo credit: Tom Rider

Five Keys to Making More Time to Write | Part 2

Imagine for a moment that you're an archer in a once-in-a-lifetime competition.  You're going to be very, very rich if you manage to hit the bull's-eye on your next attempt.

photo credit:  Nchoz (flickr)

Take a deep breath. 

Now watch yourself heave the bow into position. Draw your arm back, release the bow and shoot the arrow. 

Now walk up to the target. Did you hit a bull's-eye?    [Continued...]

Sign up now to receive the entire "Making More Time to Write" e-course, a five-lesson series:

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Five Keys to Making More Time to Write | Part 1

You know that sense of possibility that comes with buying a new planner, scheduling software, or other time management system?

It's easy to think that an outside tool will tame your schedule and manage your time.  But think for a moment.  A calendar or schedule is a repository:  a place to record intentions about how you'd like to use your time. 

The real art of time management takes place long before you ink "writing worksession" onto your calendar. The real art of making more time to write begins from within.

[Continued...]

image credit:  Brenda-Starr~ (flickr)

Sign up to receive the  five lessons of the "Five Keys to Making More Time to Write" e-course:

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Make It Fun!

A Swiss-based coaching client sent me a link to Volkswagen's recent Fun Theory video, "Piano Stairs" recently.  Have you seen it yet?

Rest and the Relaxed Writer

"Take rest;  a field that has rested gives a bountiful crop."

    - Ovid (43 BC - 18 AD)

 

Listen up, writer friends!  

Just as you can't expect an engine to continue to motor uphill without downshifting, you can't expect your writing efforts to consistently yield "bounty" on the page without accommodating reversals or shifts in your energy and output.

In other words...you gotta' take time to relax.

Take a day trip.  Abandon the chores and play with your kid for the morning. Garden, ride your bike or picnic all day with friends. Take an afternoon to see an art exhibit, a flea market, a movie. Or enjoy your morning coffee in a busy cafe.

Consider these your only "rules":

1.  Do not fret over what you choose to do: the activity itself doesn't matter. 

2.  No guilt allowed.  Your projects, your responsibilities and your writing projects will wait.  If guilt or anxiety creep in, remind yourself that the time you're spending is limited.  Remind yourself that time away is an investment in yourself and your writing.

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Ovid's first-millennial insight is confirmed by science today. We know that when a field rests, natural processes replenish the soil with nutrients.  When humans sleep, our bodies circulate growth hormones to repair and renew our cells.

Our writing also benefits when we take time to relax. Time away enriches our perceptions.  We "see" and "hear" more clearly. We conceive new project ideas, generate new images, and put together new story arcs, metaphors and associations. 

Best of all, we have a little fun in the process.

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photo credit:  Nicolas_T (Flickr.com)

Life Coaching Tip for Writers: Pay Yourself First

If you've ever read an article on how to save money, you've probably come across this common investment advice: "pay yourself first."

Work, household, family, writing...every day you have an array of "accounts" on which to spend your life energy.  What choices have you been making?  

Are you paying yourself first?

In my life coaching practice, I've found that as writers learn to prioritize their personal well-being, they begin to enjoy more focus and energy when they write.  (Our actions off-the-page affect our efforts  when we write.)

As clients begin to "pay themselves first," their lives become a bit more balanced. They begin to feel more empowered, more optimistic.  On track.  These positive effects creates a sense of momentum and possibility, creating ideal conditions for making further changes.

"Paying yourself first" doesn't have to be time-consuming or complicated, even.  Simply,

1. Choose a self-caring act, and do it every day.
2. Do it mindfully, with explicit intention.  ("Today I am investing in my own well-being.") 

Can 5-10 minutes of intentional self-care really make a difference, you might ask?  Try it for yourself and see. 

Here are a few very simple ideas to get you started.  

• Jot down a quick list of "5 Things I'm Grateful For" 
• Perform a 5-minute round of calisthenics
• Fill a page with notes, quotes or sketches related to your big-picture goals or dreams
• Sit quietly for 5 breaths before logging onto the computer or beginning to read the morning paper
• Straighten the house before bed

photo credit:  electrofantastic

Life Coaching Tip for Writers: Love the Rebel

Dear Reader,

It's Friday afternoon as I write this: a warm, sunny, just-before-the-holiday kind of Friday afternoon.  My husband and toddler left for the beach this morning, while I stayed back to catch up on work and writing.

I certainly noticed the sun as it began to warm the house through the skylights overhead.  By the afternoon, (after a robust session of digital fidgeting, I must confess) my inner rebel began to insist:  "C'mon and just quit the 'game' for the day. Grab the keys and head out to the coast...now!"

What a perfect opportunity to talk to you about today's life coaching tip for writers:  "Love the Rebel."

Can you relate to my restlessness?  If so, read on to learn how to use the energy of distraction and procrastination to create a more balanced, more productive writer's life.  (Yes, really!)

Look forward to hearing your thoughts and experiences in the Comments section.  Thanks for reading The Relaxed Writer!

yours,
Marla

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Life Coaching Tip for Writers:  Love the Rebel 

Introducing:  The Rebel

If you're not already familiar with your "inner rebel," allow me to make an introduction.  First, let's talk about its close relative:  the shadow.

Carl Jung said that when we fail to acknowledge our "weaknesses, shortcomings and instincts" consciously,  we subvert these perceived flaws into a part of our subconscious mind called the "shadow." 

We've all got a shadow, and this fact is nothing to be ashamed about.  When we ignore or repress our weaknesses, shortcomings or instincts though, we give our shadow power and we begin to take actions against our best interest.  (Have you ever pigged out after a successful run of dieting?  Then you know exactly what I mean!)

While Jung believed that ignoring our own unwanted personality qualities can hinder us, he also believed that the shadow is the "seat of creativity."  How paradoxical.  And powerful.

Your "inner rebel" works in much the same way as your shadow.  When we ignore its rebellious desires (to ditch responsibility, to play, to daydream or fiddle or simply zone out), our rebel's energy strengthens and we find ourselves fighting a serious case of "not gonna' do it" energy.

Like our shadow though, if handled correctly our inner rebel's power feeds our creativity, leading us to play and relax, to nest and wander.

How to harness the energy of the inner rebel?

One of the easiest "fixes" I offer a client who's reporting a rebellious week is this:  listen to the rebel.  Then love on it, if you can.

Listen to the Rebel

What's the use of having a difficult week if you can't learn from the experience?

Let's assume that when our lives are balanced, things often hum along and we get stuff done.

When we're out of balance--ignoring our need for downtime or setting outsized goals for ourselves--we energize the rebel, and nothing gets done.

The easy solution to "right relation" with this powerful energy is this: 

• expect it  
• listen

Expect the inner rebel.

It's a given: you're going to have an off day or week now and then.  Don't be surprised (or worse, judge yourself harshly) when you fail to work or write well.  (Note:  Letting go of self-judgment can be tricky to do on your own, at least at first.)  As I said in a recent guest post at Write to Done, "the quality of one writing session doesn’t define a life’s work of writing."  Same goes for the quality of your work week, or the writing you did or did not produce between coaching calls.  Setbacks will happen, but they don't have to define you.

When you expect the inner rebel, you resist its temptation to derail you in self-judgment or criticism. 

Listen.

Here comes the best part.  If you listen with the right attitude, your inner rebel tells you plainly what you're wanting more of in life. 

Wasting time on Facebook?  Perhaps next week you need to allow more time to get together with friends.  Stuck on the sofa, watching too much T.V.?  Perhaps some unbridled intellectual downtime is in order.  Too busy washing dishes and vacuuming to write?  You may need to honor your need to nest with a little more time at home.

If you're not already familiar with this book, I highly recommend Neil Fiore's The Now Habit.  In it, Fiore proposes a radical idea:  after calendaring your appointments and fixed commitments, schedule your downtime and recreation time in, and then work your writing sessions in around them. 

Fiore's "unschedule" urges us to honor the rebel first. The benefits?  "Scheduling guilt-free play gives you a sense of freedom about your life that enables you to more easily settle into a short period of quality work."

"Play first, work later"?  This is a concept worth investigating, don't you think?

Try This

Next time you're feeling rebellious, try to notice your counterproductive energy without reacting to it. 

Instead, take a deep breath and listen.  Observe the forms your rebellion takes. Can you use what you learn to make a few concessions to your resistance this week?  Schedule a little "guilt-free play?"  My clients often report that it doesn't take much time at all to shift themselves from deprivation to freedom mode when they finally honor ("love") their inner rebel.

By working with your resistance when it arises, you'll rob your pesky inner rebel of its negative powers and redirect its energy, creating a more balanced, more creatively productive life in the process.

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How does your inner rebel show up for you?  What are your favorite ways to work with resistance  when it arises?

8 Tips to Wake You Up (part 2)

(photo by Mike Baird, Flickr.com)

If you're a writer, it's worth your while to do what you can to "wake up" in your day-to-day life.  

The more alert and present you are in your daily life--commuting to work, hanging out at home, spending time with friends or on your own--the more creative, responsive and awake you'll be at the writing desk.

Today's post continues with more tips to help you experience your daily life in a fresh and wide-awake way.   

 

With Others

5.  Dig deep.

My two-year-old daughter is learning basic conversational skills, and yesterday we practiced basic social dialogue over and over:

"How are you?"

"I'm fine.  How are you?"

"Doin' great!"

It's important to learn how to chat with others, but lively, sincere, thought-provoking conversation takes practice and skill.  Good connection is the kind of social interaction that can really wake us up.

Next time you're with someone you've known awhile, challenge yourself to know them even better.  Ask your companion a question about their past, or spark a debate with them about a controversial current event.  Inquire about their beliefs, or challenge them to define, in their own words, their understanding of the big intangibles such as "love," "justice," "freedom," "success." 

Life's too short to skate on the surface. 

6.  Do something different.

Ever notice that when friends come to visit, your town or region seems suddenly more exciting, more interesting?

It can be easy to get in a social rut.  We may have a standing date ("Fridays at the Mayflower") or a comfortable routine ("meet at the benches and walk around the reservoir twice") we enjoy.

Next time you have a free day, talk your friends or family into pretending you are tourists in your own town.  Grab the free news weeklies and look for a local festival.  Go to a new neighborhood and browse the shops and talk to locals.  I've gotten more tips for great restaurants and off-the-beaten path hiking trails by striking up a conversation with folks riding the same bus or dining at a nearby table.

If this "tourist-for-a-day" idea doesn't work for you, spend a morning getting around town in a new way.  Walk to the store or ride your bikes across town.  Instead of driving, take a bus to the river or park. 

Sharing new experiences together is a great way to wake up our relationships.

On Your Own

7.  Treat yourself.

You can easily wake up your senses with just a little effort and money.  Ideas to get you started: 

• Choose a new recipe from an Asian, Indian or African cookbook and shop at a local market for the ingredients.  Enjoy new scents and tastes right in your own kitchen.
• Go to your local Border's and spend an hour sampling new-to-you music at the listening kiosks.
• Read up on aromatherapy, and choose a new essential oil to add to your bath.
• Visit an out-of-the-way local museum (or just sit near the large-format books at your local library and look at pictures in art, anthropology or science books).

8.  Reflect on what you've already got.

Got an overflowing junk drawer?  A bookcase in need of weeding?

The past few months I've been going through things (slowly, slowly) and simplifying my life.  Living in a small house with a toddler was great incentive to get me started, but weeding, sorting and organizing has become a meditation on abundance ("I have so many useful things in my life"), and the good feelings I've been getting from this practice have motivated me to continue.

Look at your possessions with new eyes.  Are they still useful to you?  If so, are you using them now or would you like to begin doing so soon?  If not, would they be useful to someone else? 

Making intentional and specific decisions about what you want and don't want in your life helps you live more consciously and wide-awake.  And this practice works for people, attitudes, and situations as well as things.

Inviting the Flow State: 4 Simple Practices to Try Today

It's Monday morning, I know.  Just for fun, though, I'd like invite you to practice your flexibility-of-mind muscles and try something new for the next few hours:  let yourself burble with joy.

"Burble with Joy?  What the Heck Are You Talking About?"

Random House defines a "burble" as:

1. "a bubbling or gentle flow," or
2. "an excited flow of speech."

I prefer to combine these two ideas, and define "burble" this way: 
"a bubbling, gentle flow of thoughts, speech and actions." 

Read that again.  "A bubbling, gentle flow of thoughts, words and actions."  Wouldn't it be nice to flow gently through your day today?

"I Still Don't Get It."

Take a moment to unpack my definition.

"Bubbling."
 - Synonyms include creative, active, generative.

"Gentle."
 - As in: unforced, unimpeded.

"Flow."
 - For purposes of this discussion, let's define "flow" as a forward motion ignited by one's calm, focused, creative mindset and actions. 

"Flow" is a casual relationship (If "focused + calm + creative" then "flow").  It's a dynamic movement of energy not controlled by or originating from our will or our analytical, "thinking" mind.

4 Simple Practices

Ready to give "burbling with joy" (or, simply, inviting the flow state) a try?  Use today as your  canvas and let's get started.  Here's how:

1.  Focus on the tasks at-hand:  do what you need to get done today.
Shift your focus from the future to this moment...right now.  Allow yourself to be fully present with the tasks and demands of your day.  Focus is an important habit for writers.

2. Relax your mind and body periodically throughout the day.
In the busiest of days, you always have options for self-relaxation. You can workout (take the stairs, walk around the block or hit the gym), free write, call a friend, choose good-for-you food, or take a moment to stretch or breathe. Choose one or two to practice today.

3.  Simplify:  Table your worries until tomorrow. (Trust me, they'll still be there for you.) 
You can do your long-range planning (or big-scale worrying!) tomorrow.  Just for this day, I'd like you to experience the creativity that comes from being "in the day" with just the tasks at hand.  Tabling our worries is an act of faith.  If this is difficult for you, here are two exercises to try:

  >>Clear your desk (and your mind).  Create a clean, uncluttered workspace for yourself today.  As you move papers and projects aside, imagine you're also clearing worries from your mind. 

>>Time your worries.  If you feel you absolutely must worry today, try this exercise:  set a timer and allow yourself 10 minutes to fully express your fears, worries and concerns.  After the timer goes off, shift gears, knowing that sometimes the subconscious mind can come up with amazing solutions we could never deliberately create on our own.  If you begin to get "worry withdrawal," remember that you can repeat this exercise tomorrow.

4.  Smile.
Here in Marin County, California, it's not uncommon to see people in cars passing by or stopped at a light just sitting there...smiling.  (I'm not kidding!  This shocked me at first, but after 8 years in California, I'm getting used to it.) 

I'm not suggesting you act dopey or fake.  Your community or workplace may not be ready for this kind of "radical smiling," I know.  Still, you can take a moment to try smiling to yourself (privately, if you prefer)...several times today.

It's been said that simply by choosing to smile, we can alter our mood.  If this is true (my experience says it is), don't overlook this free mood-alterer.  Your smile's accessible to you at any time.

* *

By calming your mind and shifting your focus from the bigger picture to the present moment, task or conversation, you cultivate ideal conditions for creativity and flow--both in your writing and your life.

Have fun playing with these simple exercises today.   Let me know how things go, and get out there and "burble!"

(photo credit:  Gaetan Lee)

p.s. - Thanks also to @toomarvelous for helping me to retitle this post. 

Solitude: How to Take Space with Ease

Some writers struggle with taking the space they need to replenish their creativity and passion for their work.  They may be afraid their partner will feel left-out, hurt or abandoned when they tell them, "I need to spend some time alone."  They may find themselves justifying their need for solitude to a partner who just doesn't understand.

Clarissa Pinkola Estes teaches an effective technique for making time for solitude while in a relationship.  These two tips can help you--cleanly, effectively--take the space you need without guilt or undue stress for yourself or your partner.

1. Let them know you're going.
2. Let them know you'll be coming back.

Ridiculously simple, isn't it? 

Here is a simple script you can use.  Try it on and see how it works for you.

Let them know you're going.
This afternoon I need to take some time away to revive my writing life.  I'm not sure exactly what I'll be doing, but I'll be out of touch for a few hours.

Let them know you'll be coming back.
I should wrap up around 3.  Would you like to check in then?

To take space with ease, you need to do two things.

1.  State your intention clearly, without inviting or entertaining analysis, commentary or judgment.  Of course, to avoid discussion, you'll choose your time away when it's a decently convenient time for the life you and your partner share.  (In other words, avoid using "need for solitude" as a way to avoid washing the car or the weekly visit with Auntie Rae.)  :)   "I've decided to go;  I'm going."  That's it.  No need to explain or defend yourself.  This skill gets easier with practice, I promise.

2.  Reassure your partner that you will return, and will look forward to connecting when you're back.  This simple step does wonders for the one who's left behind. (I know, because now that my husband has learned this skill, he often takes a moment to tell me, "I'll be back soon," before he takes space.  Whenever he takes a moment to remind me he'll be returning, I'm relieved.)

Perhaps it's just human nature to not want to be left behind.  Or perhaps by the time many of us finally honor our own need to take space, we're in such a grumpy or angular state that we can't help but elbow our loved ones on the way out the door.

By taking solitude when we need it, and by using these skills to take space with ease, we walk--not push--out way out the door.  We return as better writers. 

We return as better partners, too. 

Replenish the Writer: Anne M. Lindbergh on Solitude

Only when one is connected to one's inner core is one connected to others. And, for me, the core, the inner spring, can best be re-found through solitude.   --Anne Morrow Lindbergh

 Dear Reader,

As I write this, I'm steeped in silence and solitude.  My cells are nourished by this temporary lack of sound and companionship, especially because on most days my small house is populated by one vocal cat, a lively, music-loving toddler--one who's just discovered her screaming-for-joy voice, by the way--and an active, sociable husband.  It's not that I'm completely deprived of solitude, but to get the space I need, I have to be intentional and proactive.

If you're a writer, I don't have to tell you how important solitude is to your craft, but perhaps I might take this moment to remind you that time for solitude won't necessarily present itself on its own.  You  may have to actively take time and space away from your daily obligations and loved ones to make it happen.  

What does "solitude" look like for you?  I'd like to hear your ideas, and will share some of my own with you later this week.

until then, write well.
~Coach Marla

p.s. - Thanks to "akaporn" (Flickr) for the gorgeous image.

The Art of Not-Trying: 3 Habits to Cultivate 'Flow'

In Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience, psychologist Mihaly Csíkszentmihályi lists nine elements that accompany "flow."

After "clear goals" and "concentration and focus" is the subject of today's Relaxed Writer post:
"a loss of feeling of self-consciousness; the merging of action and awareness."

How to merge "action" and "awareness?"  Read on for "The Art of Not-Trying: 3 Habits to Cultivate Flow.'"

---

1.  Give yourself permission to write really, really bad stuff.  We all know the purpose of the first draft is to "get the ideas out" without paying much notice to grammar, rhetoric, etc.  But how bad are your first drafts, really? 

Nearly every writer I've coached has benefited from practicing redirecting his or her "trying" energy from writing a "solid" first draft to writing a "truly awful" one.  I invite you to practice this skill by  making your next first draft even more "horrible," "unbelievably incomplete," "sloppy," "barely coherent" or [insert your favorite descriptor here] than ever before. 

How to Do It: 
Have fun with this:  write badly in a bold way.  Your goal is what I call a "Swiss Cheese Draft:"  a slice of writing with a slight structure a gaping holes you'll fill in later.  By redirecting your "trying" energy, you essentially silence it.

2.  Thank your critic.  I believe it's inaccurate to think that we'll eventually overcome, overpower or eliminate our inner critical voices. In fact, the critic's chatter is a signal that our mind's in order:  it is natural and healthy to experience resistance when we move forward or write something new.  The trick is to welcome the critic's chatter as a signal that we're doing something right (by challenging ourselves, rather than staying in our comfort zone).  And then to move on.

How to Do It:
Treat the inner critic's chatter as you would an untimely call from an aggressive telemarketer.  Thank the critic for "calling," and then hang up. Immediately.  No need to get sucked in to its (often savvy, seductive) sales pitch.  You're too busy writing.

3.  Meditate.  Please note:  I define "meditation" loosely.   Any activity that helps connect you to a sense of well-being and helps you to turn down the volume of your inner thoughts counts. 

As a guide, think of your favorite activity (bread-baking, walking briskly, listening to Bach and doing yoga are a few of my own favorites).  If the activity helps you transform your energy from excited (or nervous, or jumpy) to calm, then it can serve you well as a form of "meditation."

Doing a meditative activity regularly helps you to:

• develop metacognitive awareness
• develop a sense of daring and play

Each of these qualities are essential elements of "not-trying," and build a strong base for the self-forgetting that contributes to creating flow.

How to Do It:
You may already be doing meditative activity on a regular basis.  If so, be aware of it as such and give yourself as much opportunity to engage in it as you can...preferably daily.

To experience more-formal meditation techniques, view my post, "Audio Supports for Meditation" for links to guided practices of secular and Buddhist-inspired techniques. 

Brenda Ueland on Staying Energized

"Listening is a magnetic and strange thing, a creative force. When we really listen to people there is an alternating current, and this recharges us so that we never get tired of each other. We are constantly being re-created."  - Brenda Ueland

If Ueland is right (I believe she is), consider the possibility that the practice of "really listening" can animate and renew not only your relationship to other people, but also your relationship to:

• your intuition
• your passions
• your craft

How do you know when you're "really listening"?  I'd like to hear your thoughts.

5 Success Strategies for Relaxed Writing

Relaxed Writers understand the apparent paradox that investing energy to create a healthy, full life benefits their writing, too.  Experience more clarity, contentment and productivity by trying out these 5 success strategies for relaxed writing.

1.  Work out and eat well. 
Avoid sugar and refined carbohydrates to sharpen your mind and boost your mental and physical energy.  I know this is a tall order!  If complete avoidance doesn't work for you, experiment with using sugar and refined foods sparingly one day, and see if you notice a difference in how you feel. 

Add in a regular 20 to 30-minute walk, and enjoy a significant boost in energy and alertness.

2.  Shift your state.
Whenever you feel sluggish or stuck, notice what kind of activity you're engaged in, and do the opposite for a predefined period of time.  Some examples:

 - Physically:  Get up from the desk and "take 5."  Stretch your neck, shoulders, back and wrists.  Take a few slow, deep breaths.  Enjoy a crisp cup of water before returning to your desk.

- Mentally:  Refocus on an entirely different task:  stop writing and answer 10 emails.  Shift from researching new markets online to writing a 10-minute freewrite longhand.  It helps to separate writing tasks by type:  administrative, revision, generating/creating, marketing, etc. I'll be expanding on this point further in an upcoming post.

3.  Develop community.
Writing is a solitary act, and it's important to gather a supportive network around you.  Let writing  colleagues know about your goals;  exchange work occasionally.  Life coaching can help you build a supportive network, if this is lacking for you.

4.  Cultivate gratitude.  Express appreciation.
A big factor in relaxed writing is showing up contented.  An easy way to cultivate happiness is to build a gratitude list:  on a sheet of paper or in your mind, list 5-10 things you're truly grateful for, in this moment.

In addition to writing a daily gratitude list, share your gratitude with others often.  Find direct and indirect ways to express your appreciation to others:  with a phone call, email or note;  or with an offer of assistance or an act of kindness.  Practicing gratitude and expressing appreciation are simple, powerful practices that will empower and energize you if you do them regularly.

5.  Create a writing space that works well for you.
Look around at your writing desk for a moment.  Does this space work for you?  Do you have what you need, within reach?  Is the lighting good, the furniture comfortable, the scenery (be it a bulletin board or window) pleasing to you? 

Over time, work to create a pleasing, comfortable and efficient workspace for yourself.  Take small steps, such as putting a new postcard in your notebook or above your desk.  Relaxed writers feel great in their writing space, be it at home or at a local cafe.    

6.  Make fun a priority.
Geez, that sounded serious.  What I meant to say was:  Laugh!  Play!  Do something badly, just because you can!

Consciously making space for fun benefits you in many ways.

Time spent goofing off enables you to not take yourself so seriously.  A hobby or diversion pursued "just because" takes the pressure off:  no need to be good or perfect or excellent. "Fun" also often takes us to places we wouldn't otherwise frequent...an uncommon street; a different kind of neighborhood;  a store or landscape that's familiar or foreign; a brand-new mindset.  New environments and open relaxed mind states make great ground for relaxed writing.

 

FreshStart '09 - Your Year in Review

Professional athletes improve their skills by reviewing game footage with their coaches.  It's easy to emulate this technique and conduct a simple "performance review" of your year.  Grab a pen and let's get started!

Your Year in Review

1.  We're always making choices, whether we do so consciously or not.  Consider, for a moment, the state of your health, writing practice and relationships.  What choices did you make this year to get the results you're getting? 

2.  Pull out your calendar or PDA and look at December "at-a-glance."  In 2-3 sentences, record a few brief notes describing notable activities/events.  Next, describe (to your best recollection) your feeling state during the month.  (Optimistic?  Fearful?  Overwhelmed?)  Keep it brief:  your goal is simply to describe.  Resist the urge to judge, explain or justify yourself.

3.  Repeat step 2 for each calendar month, working backwards through the year.  If this becomes too overwhelming, break the year into quarters and review it 3 months at a time instead.

4.  Take 3-5 minutes and quickly list everything you can think of to be grateful for.  When we're focused on improving or enhancing our lives (such as with new year's goals and resolutions), it's easy to become disempowered and focused on what's not right in the moment.  Reconnecting with what all that we do have is energizing, empowering and healing.

5.   Close out your review by breathing in deeply and blessing the year.  Ok...so what exactly do I mean by "bless the year?"  In whatever way makes most sense for you, find a way to close out the events and energies of 2008.  Perhaps you'll want to go for a run, write a statement of self-forgiveness, or say a short prayer.  You may want to simply tuck these pages in a notebook or file them away.  (Or burn 'em.)  Whatever you decide, take a moment to "close out" the year in a resonant way.

I hope you found this exercise fun and useful.  Enjoy your day today, and Happy New Year, everyone!