The Relaxed Writer

Writing Retreat vs. Writing Intensive - Which Is Right for You?

Many of my private coaching clients are making plans to log in some extra writing hours before the holidays. Are you?  Here are some ideas to help you discern whether a writing retreat or writing intensive is the best option for you.

Janet's Writing Retreat

Janet packs her bags for a much-awaited weekend on the Northern California coast.  She's rented a condo on the ocean, and is looking forward to hearing the ocean waves, spending two days alone and savoring the opportunity to let her thoughts meander across the page like the morning fog.  Janet's goal is to rest her body, nurture her creativity and invite the Muse. 

During her retreat, she takes long walks, reads good literature and pampers herself guiltlessly.  As she drives herself home on Sunday night, Janet feels strong and centered.  She feels rested and creatively energized.  Best of all, her notebook and laptop brim with free-writes, poem starts and a few new ideas for her next short story and essay. 

She smiles as she turns into her driveway:  Janet's writing retreat was a success!

A successful writing retreat...

Supports open-ended creative exploration. 
A writing retreat is process-oriented.  No schedules, no productivity expectations offer flexibility to take creative risks, follow your whims and try new literary experiments.

Prioritizes mind/body R&R. 
Writing retreats help you court the Muse by helping you reconnect with your intuition, rest your body and nurture your senses and spirit.

Often supports creative inspiration with a gorgeous view, remote location or soulful landscape.
Environment matters!  Writers often retreat in beautiful natural settings to encourage a cross-pollination between environment and creativity.

Is inner-directed and (often) solitary.
Even in a group retreat, you have the opportunity to spend significant time alone and let your wishes, desires, intuition and curiosities be your creative guide.

A writing retreat is perfect for you if:

• you've just wrapped up a book or other big project and you want to cleanse or rejuvenate your creative palette before you take on a new project
• you need a rich cache of new creative material to mine and transform into literature throughout the next 6-12 months
• you need a break from your "real life" and need to get away
• you want to reconnect with your inner rhythm and creative pulse and energy

Lisa's Writing Intensive

Lisa can't wait to immerse herself in the novel, and she has plans to up her word count…significantly.  Lisa still plans to attend her son's ballgame on Sunday, but the family's agreed to "let mom write" for the weekend and everyone's planned accordingly. 

On Saturday morning, Lisa begins to write. Because she's mapped her work sessions out ahead of time, she knows when she'll write, how long she'll write and exactly what she wants to focus on during each work session.  She leaves a little room in her schedule for "moodling," but this weekend Lisa's aim isn't creative exploration--it's relaxed and focused productivity.  Lisa closes the door to her study and she writes and writes and writes.  Although she works hard, she takes regular breaks and she calls her accountability buddy for regular check-ins. 

On Sunday night, Lisa smiles as watches her printer churn out the last of her many newly drafted pages.  She calls her partner one last time, and together they celebrate: Lisa's writing intensive was a success!

A writing intensive…

Is pre-planned and structured. 
A writing intensive is productivity-oriented.  Time and goals are mapped out in advance, supporting you to simply show up, sit down and write. 

Balances modest periods of intense focus with guilt-free periods of rest and relaxation.
A successful writing intensive incorporates principles of relaxed productivity, and doesn't require you to overly tax your mind, body or spirit.

Elbows out time and space to write within the context of ordinary, everyday life.
Writing intensives help you significantly advance your writing project without leaving your family, packing your bags or linking your writing successes to outside circumstance.

Is goal-directed and often supported by an accountability group or partner.
An intensive is structured to keep you writing "on purpose," and provides you with encouraging support or community to help you stay on track.

A writing intensive is perfect for you if:

•  you're midway through a book proposal, novel or other big writing project and you just need a stretch of time to sit down, focus and write
•  you've been craving periods of uninterrupted writing time but you haven't been able to create it on your own
•  you want to focus on a specific career-building task like sending out queries or polishing and submitting your literary work and you haven't been able to find time to do so during the week
•  you write better when you are accountable to someone other than yourself

Which Option's Best for You?

So there you have it:  writing retreats vs. writing intensives.  As you can see, it's not that one option is inherently better than the other. Selecting your best writing structure just depends on your creative goals right now.

Are you considering a writing retreat or intensive before the new year?  Which option will you choose?  Leave your comments below.

Writing Lesson from Photographers: The "10,000 + 1 Principle"

Now that you've mastered the "3% Rule," let's move on to the second of three posts in my "Writing Lessons from Photographers" blog series. 

Today's lesson is a powerful antidote for anyone who struggles with an overactive inner critic.  Enjoy!

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Last week a writer I know excised herself from cozy home and family to go to a nearby cafe to work on her novel.  Hot beverage on hand and comfortably seated, she opened her laptop and began to write. 

It wasn't long, though, before my talented writer-friend sent me this missive:

writing life coach! what do you do when your brain tells you that you can't write a book and that everything you type is a boring cliche that no one will ever care about?!

Oh, writer's block.  Who among us hasn't been in that very stuck place?  

Today's photography-inspired writing lesson addresses just this kind of creative paralysis.  Read on to learn about what I call the "10,000+1" Principle.

The "10,000 + 1" Principle

Readers, meet my one of my favorite photographers:  Henri Cartier-Bresson.

Over the years, this French photographer's spontaneous images, taken with his hand-held Leica camera as he roamed the streets of Paris, remain among my favorites.  (For fun, I'll include here my 1994 street portrait of a young boy in Mexico City.  Not too tough to see how much I was influenced by Cartier-Bresson's "Rue Mouffetard, Paris 1954," is it?)

A former painter, Cartier-Bresson believed in a concept he called "integrity of vision."  He didn't believe in cropping his photographic images to improve their composition.  Instead, he held himself to a self-imposed standard of "what you see is what you get," and printed most of his photographs with a thin black line around them, indicating that what you see on the print is exactly what he saw through the viewfinder. 

No cropping.

"Your first 10,000 photographs are your worst."   - Henri Cartier-Bresson

Given Cartier-Bresson's "get it right all at once" aesthetic, it's not surprising that he was well-aware of the fact that as artists, we tend to start out..."so-so," and that with time, we improve.  This is a simple concept, but one that, perhaps because drafting a new chapter takes us writers a heck of a lot longer than the "decisive moment" Cartier-Bresson needed to compose a photograph, is often very hard for us writers to remember. 

• We forget that the piece we're working on is simply one project among many.
• We forget that our current work represents a single blip in time in our life cycle as writers.
• We forget that sometimes progress is incremental and hardly perceptible, and that, if we're alert and mindful, with each page we deepen our expressive powers and learn more (and more and more) how to do our chosen craft well.

Cartier-Bresson's quote is one of my favorite reminders that we develop our writing talent in stages.  Consider this the "10,000+1 Principle:"  over time we improve.  If we log in the hours and practice our craft, we are bound to produce our first "plus-one" piece.  Until then, our job is simply to show up and to pay close attention as we work.

Try This

Let's take the 10,000+1 Principle literally for a moment. 

Assume that you're a photographer, and you shoot rolls that are 36 frames long.  Using Cartier-Bresson's prediction, you'd need to shoot about 278 rolls of film before you move from "ugh" to "decent." 

Let's say you're shooting about 3 new rolls a week.   If my math's right, at this pace it'll take you a year and ten months to move your craft forward.

Consider that: 

if you were to start your work in August 2010, you could expect to shoot your 10,001st photograph right around July 2012.  And with that 10,001st photograph, you'll be moving into a discernibly better stage with your craft.  If you really want to be a good writer, isn't your long-term goal to evolve your craft worth this relatively brief investment of time?

Here are a few more ways to apply the "10,000+1" Principle to your work as a writer.

• If you're writing in a new genre, what would happen to your writing if you gave yourself a year-and-a-half to simply be apprentice:  to show up on time, to log in the hours, and to learn, learn, learn?

• What would happen if, just for this afternoon, you allowed yourself to focus on craft and creativity - not how your work will be received in the future?  I tried this today while writing this blog post, and this simple mindshift allowed me to finish up in record time.

What Do You Think? 

How will you apply the 10,000+1 Principle to your own writing?  Shoot me a trackback if you blog about the 10,000+1 Principle elsewhere, or share your ideas with us in the comments below.  (You can also leave a comment on my Facebook page by clicking here.)

Next Up:  "Never Shoot a Sunset"

Stay tuned for the next and final installment of this three-part Writing Lessons from Photographers blog series:  "Never Shoot a Sunset." 

Thanks for reading and enjoy working at your craft today.

Writing Lesson from Photographers: The 3% Rule

Welcome to my new blog series, "Writing Lessons from Photographers."  Today's lesson is part one of a three-part series.

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Introducing the 3% Rule

It wasn't until my senior year in college that I discovered the photo department.  What joy!

My first photo professor, Steve Zapton, was known for his direct feedback during class critiques.  "Not for babies!" said a recent student on ratemyprofessors.com. Personally, I adored his straight-talk.

Professor Zapton taught me the most liberating of creative maxims:  "If you get one shot out of thirty-six, you've shot a successful roll of film."

One shot out of thirty-six.  

With this rule, suddenly the blurred, unlit and downright crappy shots on my contact sheets seemed less important.  If I could find just one image among all the experiments, mediocrity and missteps that unfurled in the course of shooting thirty-six frames, I was golden. 

I could circle what really worked and ignore the rest.

The 3% Rule

Assuming my math is right, "one out of thirty-six" translates into a 3% success rate (2.78% if you want to be exact). 

If just 3% of the time the magical mix of light, timing, composition and technique comes together to yield an image that really "says" something, a photographer is on track.

Imagine the creative freedom the 3% Rule offers to you as a writer!

If you expected success just 3% of the time you worked at your writing, would you be a bit more far-ranging and creative?

• Would your "new queries" lists be longer?  More broad?  More daring?
• Would you take more risks with your new poem starts and fiction ideas, knowing that you could discard 97% after a minimal initial investment of time?
• Would you be a bit more forgiving with yourself as you revise and edit your work?

The beauty of the 3% Rule is that it stops that one of the biggest ways writers sabotage themselves. Instead of judging our creative process as we create (ugh!), the 3% Rule teaches us to retrain ourselves to stop expecting a masterpiece every time. 

By lowering our expectations, we give ourselves room to experiment, room to fail and room to play on the page.  We can take our 3% and not get hung up in analyzing what the other 97% means about our talents or abilities.

Without this crushing self-criticism, we're free to return again and again to writing.

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Next Up

If you liked this post, be sure to check out the second post in this three-part Writing Lessons from Photographers series:  "The '10,000+1' Principle."  

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Follow me on Twitter:  @MarlaBeck

Why You Are Never Not Writing

Writing and "real life" are symbiotic.  Every action in our day-to-day lives--whether directly related to writing or not--has the potential to influence the way we think about and do our creative work. 

Think about this for a moment.  When we're not actually writing,

• what we read, listen to and see...
• where we go...
• who we talk to...
• what we do with our hands, our bodies, our brains...

...all these activities (and more!) have the potential to shape our thought and craft once we settle down to write again.

Your life away from the page matters.  And in a way, we are never not writing.

To write well, be mindful.  And as much as you can, be happy about your life and choices, too.

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Introducing:  3 Writing Lessons from Photographers

(photo credit:  Shermeee - flickr)

Speaking of extra-literary influence, this past weekend I got to thinking about the lessons I've learned while studying other disciplines. And I realized I've learned some really excellent creative lessons from  photography.

Starting next week I'll be sharing three of my favorites with you in a new blog series: "3 Writing Lessons from Photographers."  Stay tuned to learn three simple ways to get out of your own way and write.

On Writing Time and 'Real Life': 4 Steps for Smooth Transitions

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It's audio time!

On Writing Time and 'Real Life'

I just made this 4-minute MP3 recording of me reading this article while my daughter slept peacefully in the next room -- shhhhh. ;)

Look forward to hearing your feedback. If you like the MP3, please share it with your friends! 

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On Writing Time and 'Real Life':  4 Steps for Smooth Transitions
by Marla Beck

Engaging with the World

Yesterday I watched my little daughter harvest a small, blue egg from our neighbor's chicken coop. 

Feeling its just-hatched warmth, she rested the petite marvel in her right hand.  She stood completely still for a moment and lifted her arm carefully, clutching the egg with just the right amount of pressure.  She stared at its watercolor blueness intently, fully engaged with the experience.

Then, a dog came by.

Annabelle stepped purposefully towards the dog's wagging tail. She stooped down to look at a single, brown feather on the ground before announcing her discovery gleefully to the clouds and the sun. 

As we left the neighbor's yard and headed back home, my little one stretched as far as she could to try and reach the gate latch with her left hand -- the one that wasn't still clutching the little blue egg.

Focusing to Write

I don't have to tell you that we writers are curious folk.  Like three-year-olds, we easily engage with the world around us. In our creative work, this ability to get involved with life -- to pursue leads, to ask  questions, to try something new -- is an awesome asset!

But when we're actually writing, this tendency to get involved with our environment isn't always a good thing. Much too often (and often unnoticed by us), our attention spans get yoked by intriguing stimuli from our environment. 

We tend lose our place.  Without awareness, we forget to tend to the creative treasures in our care.

The Wide-Awake Transition:  Four Easy Steps

The secret to balancing "real life" with creative focus is the art making wide-awake transitions between these two ways of being.  Here's how.

Step #1.  Pause

Before you reach for the ringing phone, pursue an intriguing hyperlink, or give in to the temptation to click over to check your Facebook news feed just one more time (we've all been there!), pause for a moment. 

Ask yourself: 

• Am I really ready to put down the blue egg?  
• Or am I willing to persist with my writing for just ten more minutes?

Step #2.  Leave Tracks

If you do choose to stop writing right now, make the decision to do so with awareness.  Pause and leave a few creative tracks for yourself.  (Give yourself the very best chance of returning--productively--to your blue egg!)

Leave tracks for yourself by:

• Sketching out the inklings of the storyline you're working on.
• Making a list of what's left to do to wrap up that article.
• Noting exactly where you'd like to pick up again when you return to your writing desk.

Step #3.  Ground Yourself

If you can, after you leave tracks, sit still for a moment longer.  Notice how you've situated your back, your spine. Sense the feeling of your back against the chair. 

Ground your awareness in the present moment.

Step #4.  Plan Your Future, Enjoy the Present

Most importantly?  Decide exactly when you will return to your blue egg.  Then until you return, enjoy your time away from writing...guilt-free. 

You've put your treasure down gingerly. The blue egg is in good care.

c. 2010 Marla Beck.  photo credit:  WoodleyWonderWorks (Flickr)

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Want to use this article in your own blog or newsletter? 

Go for it -- as long as you include the article and following blurb in their entirety (with proper credit and all links intact):

Need more time to write? Sign up for my free e-course, "5 Keys to Making Time to Write," at http://www.CoachMarla.com/ecourse-mtw.html. For more great ideas for writers, visit my blog at http://www.TheRelaxedWriter.com.

Pocket Tip for Writers: Go Someplace Gorgeous

It's a holiday weekend, which means you've got a little extra time to do what you want, right?  This weekend I've got the perfect assignment for your writing.

Get out and about.  Go someplace gorgeous. 

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As writers, we're continually calling on ourselves to recreate worlds, to sharpen our syntax, to speak with clarity on the page.  And whether we're always aware of it or not, we call on our senses when we write.

We can't expect fresh perceptions and insights to arise if we don't occasionally uproot ourselves from our usual places and put ourselves someplace new.  Whether you make a simple shift in quality of light you're experiencing or take yourself to an entirely new physical space, it's not difficult to energize your creativity and renew your senses.  Here are a few ideas to get you started.

All Aglow

This past week I got to spend an evening learning about video blogging with the Bay Area Bloggers Society. My friend, Mary Cary, showed us around her studio.

"Isn't it great how diffused the light is?"  she said, pointing to an illuminated umbrella.  "This kind of lighting makes everyone look beautiful."

Later, I chatted with Emily Kischell (LiveWires), and Laurie McAndish King (Travel Writers News).  As we talked, I noticed how glowy we all looked.

"Don't know about you, but I'm feeling rather gorgeous right now," I quipped.

For the briefest of moments, me and these two smart women shared a big belly laugh as we preened and flipped our hair for an imaginary sea of admiring cameras. 

A simple thing, isn't it? 

Shift the quality of light, and our perceptions dance.

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"Lobby Love"

A few days later, my newly potty-trained daughter had to make a bathroom stop.  ("Now, mommy!" she said.) 

The gorgeous Acqua Hotel just happened to be nearby, and remembering its lovely lobby, I decided to stop.  My little one easily charmed her way past the front desk.

"I want to buy this bathroom for my room," my three-year-old told me with all seriousness. She was obviously impressed by the aesthetics of the place. 

For the next half-hour, we loitered happily in the lobby.  She checked out the view from every sofa.  She stood quietly as she listened curiously to the indoor fountain. She patted the silk-covered decorative pillows with approval. 

After we left the hotel, the whole day seemed better.  A new environment -- no, a new and gorgeous environment -- refreshed our senses.

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Light, Wood and Books, Books, Books

And here I sit, writing to you from a long, polished wooden table at the Mill Valley Public Library.  

This place really is as gorgeous as it looks in the photo.  The big French doors are open to the late afternoon light, and through the windowpanes long redwood boughs are lilting and surfing in the breeze. 

My aluminum-cased laptop always looks good, but in this light, in this space, it's not just a mere machine. It look like a work of art.

photo credits: cobalt123 (flickr), acqua hotel/jdv, mill valley library)

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Try This

The gorgeous places I've described in today's blog post are all interior spaces, but you need not keep yourself indoors.  Get creative and see what new spaces and aesthetic journeys you can take this weekend, indoors or out. 

What will you do to refresh your senses?  Will you go someplace gorgeous, someplace new?

If You Blog:  Why not write a post about your own gorgeous places?  Send a trackback to this blog and leave a comment below so we can share the adventure! 

Stay Tuned for Sage Cohen (Writing the Life Poetic)

You're invited to stop by The Relaxed Writer in the next few days to read an interview with Sage Cohen, author of the new Writer's Digest book, Writing the Life Poetic.  To pique your interest, here's a wee bit of (non-literary) backstory...

I heard about Sage long before we met (virtually, via Twitter) a few months ago. 

Years before she wrote her book on writing, reading and the creative life, Sage lived here in the Bay Area.  Among her adventures, she played in an acoustic folk-rock quartet called Darrington, led by my talented friend, Drew Pearce.

If you were around for any of the Darrington shows (circa 2002), you may've seen Sage perform.  If not, you might like to click here to hear Sage sing and play her djembe.

Sage's book, Writing the Life Poetic, is wise and funny.  Whether you're a poet, memoirist or fiction writer, I think find something delightful in what you read. 

Stay tuned!

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Follow me on Twitter:  @MarlaBeck

Need More Time to Write? (an interview with The Relaxed Writer)

Call me shy.

A few months ago I was interviewed by Shonell Bacon for her quarterly online publication, SisterDivas Magazine.  In the interview, we talked about my work as a life coach for writers and what it means to be a "relaxed writer."  Until now, I hesitated to share it with you because frankly...I thought I was awfully  long-winded.  :-)

But if you're desperate to make more time to write, in the article I outline a deceptively simple and very effective exercise to help you get started. 

Click here to read "In the Know with The Relaxed Writer".

And stop back by and let us know what you think.

Capture and Collect: Idea Management for Writers

If you're creating regular time each week to "resource" your writing life, you're probably enjoying a healthy stream of new ideas. The creative wellspring is highly responsive, especially when we engage in  non-goal-oriented activities like exercise, socializing, favorite hobbies or meditation.

Idea Capture & Collection

How do you manage the juicy, the viable, the marketable and the outright outlandish new ideas you generate each week? 

• Do you keep a master list, or keep separate lists of ideas categorized by form or genre ("articles," "creative non-fiction," "poetry," "fiction")? 

• Do you store your ideas in notebooks or binders, or in files on your computer?

• Do you review your creative "starts" regularly, or just dip into your notes only when you need a new project or idea?

• Do you collect ideas on-the-go?  Do you have a system for integrating them into your master lists?

Idea collection is personal, and I'll offer you no universal answers or prescriptions today.  Instead, I'm writing to encourage you to give some conscious thought to how you capture and retrieve your great ideas. 

Here are a few concepts that inspire my own idea capture and collection.

Experiment with Juxtaposition.

Libraries and bookstores are so creatively stimulating because wildly disparate topics and genres co-exist in close quarters.  Have you ever found that a series of unrelated book titles sparks new associations and creative ideas for you?  This is the power of juxtaposition. 

As you review your idea management systems, consider how the power of juxtaposition might work for you.  Play around with what information you keep and where you keep it.  Binders or folders with seemingly disparate creates an interesting, fruitful dissonance or area of inquiry.  

Date Everything.

I always date hard-copy notes and I've recently gotten in the habit of dating electronic notes, too.  I suggest you try this, too.  I've never regretted being able to trace the timeline of a project.

File Your Reading Notes, Too.

We all know that great writers read!  One of the most useful practices I learned in graduate school was how to create a reading journal.

Are you keeping notes about pieces you like, books you've read?  If not, now's a great time to start.  I'll give you some more specific ideas in an upcoming post here on The Relaxed Writer.

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Your Thoughts?

Tell us about your own ways of capturing and collecting ideas.  What works for you?  Take a moment now to leave us a comment below.

Life Coaching Tip for Writers: Pay Yourself First

If you've ever read an article on how to save money, you've probably come across this common investment advice: "pay yourself first."

Work, household, family, writing...every day you have an array of "accounts" on which to spend your life energy.  What choices have you been making?  

Are you paying yourself first?

In my life coaching practice, I've found that as writers learn to prioritize their personal well-being, they begin to enjoy more focus and energy when they write.  (Our actions off-the-page affect our efforts  when we write.)

As clients begin to "pay themselves first," their lives become a bit more balanced. They begin to feel more empowered, more optimistic.  On track.  These positive effects creates a sense of momentum and possibility, creating ideal conditions for making further changes.

"Paying yourself first" doesn't have to be time-consuming or complicated, even.  Simply,

1. Choose a self-caring act, and do it every day.
2. Do it mindfully, with explicit intention.  ("Today I am investing in my own well-being.") 

Can 5-10 minutes of intentional self-care really make a difference, you might ask?  Try it for yourself and see. 

Here are a few very simple ideas to get you started.  

• Jot down a quick list of "5 Things I'm Grateful For" 
• Perform a 5-minute round of calisthenics
• Fill a page with notes, quotes or sketches related to your big-picture goals or dreams
• Sit quietly for 5 breaths before logging onto the computer or beginning to read the morning paper
• Straighten the house before bed

photo credit:  electrofantastic

Life Coaching Tip for Writers: Love the Rebel

Dear Reader,

It's Friday afternoon as I write this: a warm, sunny, just-before-the-holiday kind of Friday afternoon.  My husband and toddler left for the beach this morning, while I stayed back to catch up on work and writing.

I certainly noticed the sun as it began to warm the house through the skylights overhead.  By the afternoon, (after a robust session of digital fidgeting, I must confess) my inner rebel began to insist:  "C'mon and just quit the 'game' for the day. Grab the keys and head out to the coast...now!"

What a perfect opportunity to talk to you about today's life coaching tip for writers:  "Love the Rebel."

Can you relate to my restlessness?  If so, read on to learn how to use the energy of distraction and procrastination to create a more balanced, more productive writer's life.  (Yes, really!)

Look forward to hearing your thoughts and experiences in the Comments section.  Thanks for reading The Relaxed Writer!

yours,
Marla

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Life Coaching Tip for Writers:  Love the Rebel 

Introducing:  The Rebel

If you're not already familiar with your "inner rebel," allow me to make an introduction.  First, let's talk about its close relative:  the shadow.

Carl Jung said that when we fail to acknowledge our "weaknesses, shortcomings and instincts" consciously,  we subvert these perceived flaws into a part of our subconscious mind called the "shadow." 

We've all got a shadow, and this fact is nothing to be ashamed about.  When we ignore or repress our weaknesses, shortcomings or instincts though, we give our shadow power and we begin to take actions against our best interest.  (Have you ever pigged out after a successful run of dieting?  Then you know exactly what I mean!)

While Jung believed that ignoring our own unwanted personality qualities can hinder us, he also believed that the shadow is the "seat of creativity."  How paradoxical.  And powerful.

Your "inner rebel" works in much the same way as your shadow.  When we ignore its rebellious desires (to ditch responsibility, to play, to daydream or fiddle or simply zone out), our rebel's energy strengthens and we find ourselves fighting a serious case of "not gonna' do it" energy.

Like our shadow though, if handled correctly our inner rebel's power feeds our creativity, leading us to play and relax, to nest and wander.

How to harness the energy of the inner rebel?

One of the easiest "fixes" I offer a client who's reporting a rebellious week is this:  listen to the rebel.  Then love on it, if you can.

Listen to the Rebel

What's the use of having a difficult week if you can't learn from the experience?

Let's assume that when our lives are balanced, things often hum along and we get stuff done.

When we're out of balance--ignoring our need for downtime or setting outsized goals for ourselves--we energize the rebel, and nothing gets done.

The easy solution to "right relation" with this powerful energy is this: 

• expect it  
• listen

Expect the inner rebel.

It's a given: you're going to have an off day or week now and then.  Don't be surprised (or worse, judge yourself harshly) when you fail to work or write well.  (Note:  Letting go of self-judgment can be tricky to do on your own, at least at first.)  As I said in a recent guest post at Write to Done, "the quality of one writing session doesn’t define a life’s work of writing."  Same goes for the quality of your work week, or the writing you did or did not produce between coaching calls.  Setbacks will happen, but they don't have to define you.

When you expect the inner rebel, you resist its temptation to derail you in self-judgment or criticism. 

Listen.

Here comes the best part.  If you listen with the right attitude, your inner rebel tells you plainly what you're wanting more of in life. 

Wasting time on Facebook?  Perhaps next week you need to allow more time to get together with friends.  Stuck on the sofa, watching too much T.V.?  Perhaps some unbridled intellectual downtime is in order.  Too busy washing dishes and vacuuming to write?  You may need to honor your need to nest with a little more time at home.

If you're not already familiar with this book, I highly recommend Neil Fiore's The Now Habit.  In it, Fiore proposes a radical idea:  after calendaring your appointments and fixed commitments, schedule your downtime and recreation time in, and then work your writing sessions in around them. 

Fiore's "unschedule" urges us to honor the rebel first. The benefits?  "Scheduling guilt-free play gives you a sense of freedom about your life that enables you to more easily settle into a short period of quality work."

"Play first, work later"?  This is a concept worth investigating, don't you think?

Try This

Next time you're feeling rebellious, try to notice your counterproductive energy without reacting to it. 

Instead, take a deep breath and listen.  Observe the forms your rebellion takes. Can you use what you learn to make a few concessions to your resistance this week?  Schedule a little "guilt-free play?"  My clients often report that it doesn't take much time at all to shift themselves from deprivation to freedom mode when they finally honor ("love") their inner rebel.

By working with your resistance when it arises, you'll rob your pesky inner rebel of its negative powers and redirect its energy, creating a more balanced, more creatively productive life in the process.

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How does your inner rebel show up for you?  What are your favorite ways to work with resistance  when it arises?

8 Tips to Wake You Up (part 2)

(photo by Mike Baird, Flickr.com)

If you're a writer, it's worth your while to do what you can to "wake up" in your day-to-day life.  

The more alert and present you are in your daily life--commuting to work, hanging out at home, spending time with friends or on your own--the more creative, responsive and awake you'll be at the writing desk.

Today's post continues with more tips to help you experience your daily life in a fresh and wide-awake way.   

 

With Others

5.  Dig deep.

My two-year-old daughter is learning basic conversational skills, and yesterday we practiced basic social dialogue over and over:

"How are you?"

"I'm fine.  How are you?"

"Doin' great!"

It's important to learn how to chat with others, but lively, sincere, thought-provoking conversation takes practice and skill.  Good connection is the kind of social interaction that can really wake us up.

Next time you're with someone you've known awhile, challenge yourself to know them even better.  Ask your companion a question about their past, or spark a debate with them about a controversial current event.  Inquire about their beliefs, or challenge them to define, in their own words, their understanding of the big intangibles such as "love," "justice," "freedom," "success." 

Life's too short to skate on the surface. 

6.  Do something different.

Ever notice that when friends come to visit, your town or region seems suddenly more exciting, more interesting?

It can be easy to get in a social rut.  We may have a standing date ("Fridays at the Mayflower") or a comfortable routine ("meet at the benches and walk around the reservoir twice") we enjoy.

Next time you have a free day, talk your friends or family into pretending you are tourists in your own town.  Grab the free news weeklies and look for a local festival.  Go to a new neighborhood and browse the shops and talk to locals.  I've gotten more tips for great restaurants and off-the-beaten path hiking trails by striking up a conversation with folks riding the same bus or dining at a nearby table.

If this "tourist-for-a-day" idea doesn't work for you, spend a morning getting around town in a new way.  Walk to the store or ride your bikes across town.  Instead of driving, take a bus to the river or park. 

Sharing new experiences together is a great way to wake up our relationships.

On Your Own

7.  Treat yourself.

You can easily wake up your senses with just a little effort and money.  Ideas to get you started: 

• Choose a new recipe from an Asian, Indian or African cookbook and shop at a local market for the ingredients.  Enjoy new scents and tastes right in your own kitchen.
• Go to your local Border's and spend an hour sampling new-to-you music at the listening kiosks.
• Read up on aromatherapy, and choose a new essential oil to add to your bath.
• Visit an out-of-the-way local museum (or just sit near the large-format books at your local library and look at pictures in art, anthropology or science books).

8.  Reflect on what you've already got.

Got an overflowing junk drawer?  A bookcase in need of weeding?

The past few months I've been going through things (slowly, slowly) and simplifying my life.  Living in a small house with a toddler was great incentive to get me started, but weeding, sorting and organizing has become a meditation on abundance ("I have so many useful things in my life"), and the good feelings I've been getting from this practice have motivated me to continue.

Look at your possessions with new eyes.  Are they still useful to you?  If so, are you using them now or would you like to begin doing so soon?  If not, would they be useful to someone else? 

Making intentional and specific decisions about what you want and don't want in your life helps you live more consciously and wide-awake.  And this practice works for people, attitudes, and situations as well as things.

Don't Be Drab: Invigorate Your Writing by Brightening Your Life

"Don't be drab." 

 Thomas J. Leonard, the late pioneer of the life and business coaching professions, said many challenging and wonderful things in the course of his career.  Of all of his quotes, "Don't be drab" is one of my favorites.

Spring is the perfect time to perk up your senses and brighten your life.  What aspects of your life may be a bit dull or "lacking in spirit?"  Your commute home from work?  Your social life?  Your writing habits?  Your work?

Making just a few small changes in your day-to-day experience can infuse your life--and your writing--with more energy, creativity and vitality.

The next post on The Relaxed Writer will feature tips to help you energize and brighten your life. 

In the meantime, I'd love to hear your own thoughts and ideas.  How will you "perk up" your life?

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(photo credit:  "Sunflowerise 2005" by code poet at Flickr.com)

A Kid and A Balloon: On Passion, Tenacity and Focus

They say you can learn a lot from a kid.  I recently learned a lesson about passion (and tenacity, and focus) from my toddler, Annabelle.

The other day my husband and Annabelle knocked on a friend's door.  When our friend answered, my nearly-two-year-old pushed past our friend and headed straight for an 18"-square Mylar balloon floating in the corner.  She gripped the purple and pink curling ribbons in her small hand and proudly took her new Happy Birthday "'boon!" home with her.

Annabelle clutched the ribbons in her tiny hand all day.  She held it as we rocked and cuddled to sleep.  The plastic weight (a pink plastic star) dragged behind her  as she moved busily from room to room to room.  The square balloon floated above her body as she napped--ribbons in one hand while she slept on her belly--on the living-room couch.  Late in the day, as we drove to the store, she held the balloon so it blocked my view of her face completely.

 "Annabelle?" I asked, turning my head around to check on her because she'd been so silent in her car seat.  She peeked her head around the side of the balloon--eyes sparkling--and then quickly went back to hiding.

 

It was only in the evening, well beyond her usual bedtime, that I was able to gently pry the balloon from Annabelle's pudgy little grip.  She wailed.

"Don't worry.  Your balloon...it's right here," I whispered.  

The little soul woke herself up ("Mama?  'Boon?") off and on throughout the next hour, sitting up sleepily to make sure she could still see the balloon's square outline as it danced in the dark, dark room.

* * * * *

On Passion

Like ourselves when we were small, Annabelle's senses guide her to what she loves.  Shiny?  Square?  Floaty?  She kindled passion for the balloon the very moment she saw it.

Want to rekindle passion for your writing?  Get started by answering these questions:

• What kinds of input do my senses most respond to?   Music?  Scent? Touch?

• What genres do I most love to read?  Love to create?

• Am I pursuing my project passionately right now?  What shifts do I need to make?  

Spend some time reflecting on an idea, object or literary form that you absolutely love, love, love.  Doing so "fills the well" (Julia Cameron's term) and feeds your creativity and passion.   

On Tenacity

Despite the considerable problem-solving required by Annabelle's new passion (how to get a spoon to her mouth, how to fill up her purse, how to get a shirt changed while holding a balloon?), she persisted.

To find time and creative space to develop our book proposals, novels or other "after-hours" projects, we need to cultivate:

• fervent desire
• strong belief that we can succeed
• imaginative problem-solving, and
• the ability and willingness to persist: to try for our goals again and again and again and again.

Consider these questions:

• How can I be more proactive in creating time to write?
  
• When challenged by self-doubt or circumstance, do I persist?
• What can I do to meet obstacles with more flexibility?

On Focus

Like Annabelle straining to see her balloon's outline in the dark, life can seem so busy that our view of what we want is obscured. It sometimes takes great effort and intention to truly "see" our passions.

Successful athletes use their minds to cultivate and visualize their goals.  This technique works for writers, too.

Try this simple exercise.

Write down 2-3 goals on a 3x5 index card.  Phrase them as if each goal is completed.  For example:

• "My manuscript is well-realized and finished."
• "My agent is shopping my proposal."
• "I've written an emotionally resonant, supremely crafted short-story."

As life presents you with a few spare moments (waiting for an appointment, before you go to bed), review your goals.  Take a few moments to clearly visualize yourself working at and achieving each one.

If you review your goals daily, you'll begin to build belief in your work and become aware of opportunities you'd never noticed before.  You'll also begin building a new mental muscle:  the one that helps you to continually "see" your goals, even in the dark.

On Busses & Bad Days: How to Write When You Don't Really Want To

My toddler learned two new words yesterday: "rice" and "bus." To see her eyes sparkle at her new power to name (especially while pointing her finger urgently at a passing bus) makes me marvel. What a terrific force joy can be!

If you're anything like me, you may pursue writing (or music or baking) in large part because it makes you feel so good when you do it.

And if you're anything like me, when the joyful work get rough--the story resists a workable form, logic eludes or the dough doesn't rise--you can be tempted to react by losing faith in the project, doubting your vision, or abandoning your sense of confidence, belief or purpose.

We are so lucky to have work we love.  But we need to love our work without conditions.  Day after day, whether we feel like it or not, we improve our writing by writing.

My friend, Carl, is a professional sculptor.  He lives and works with his wife, Marie, a fine art bookmaker.   His yard is graced by elegant metal sculptures; he's successful enough to live off his art.

"How'd you do it, Carl?" I used to ask, before I had the guts to claim my passion and do work I love.   "Every day, I work," he said simply.

Writing can be joyful, but be assured: you will occasionally encounter challenges and obstacles. What to do when the joy ebbs?  What to do when you start to doubt yourself or your writing?

"Every day, work," Carl would say.  Lose the expectation that writing must always be fun.  Know that even successful, prolific writers sometimes temporarily lose their way.  When things don't go well, don't make a too-big deal of it.  Give yourself permission to be real. 

"Just a bad day on the page.  I'll try again tomorrow." 

Sometimes a bad day is just a bad day. 

Brenda Ueland on Staying Energized

"Listening is a magnetic and strange thing, a creative force. When we really listen to people there is an alternating current, and this recharges us so that we never get tired of each other. We are constantly being re-created."  - Brenda Ueland

If Ueland is right (I believe she is), consider the possibility that the practice of "really listening" can animate and renew not only your relationship to other people, but also your relationship to:

• your intuition
• your passions
• your craft

How do you know when you're "really listening"?  I'd like to hear your thoughts.

FreshStart '09 - Knowing What You Don't Want

FreshStart '09?  Sounds great.  But how to get there?

Give me 10 minutes of your time, and I'll show you a fun exercise to trick yourself into articulating what you really want, more clearly than ever before.  Michael Losier calls this exercise "Clarity Through Contrast." 

Here's how it works.

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1.  Take a sheet of clean paper and draw a vertical line down the middle to create two columns.
2.  Label the sheet, "My Writer's Life."
3.  Fold the page in half. 
4.  Set a timer for 10 minutes.  On the left-hand side, as quickly as you can, list exactly what you want your writing life not to look like in the coming year.

For instance:

I don't want... 

• "to not have a place to write"
• "to keep justifying my writing to others"
  
• "to struggle to find time for my writing"
• "to be so isolated"
• "to not send work out" 

5.  Keep going until the timer chimes or you've completely exhausted all possibilities.  (Note:  This exercise isn't meant to depress you!  Tony Robbins and others stress the importance of emotionally connecting to our goals.  The more you can allow yourself to really feel, see and experience what you don't want, the easier you'll find it to connect with what you do want.)

6.  Unfold the page. Use each bullet point in the left-hand column to help you write a specific, clear intention for yourself.

For instance:

I want...

• "to have a dedicated space to write"
• "to believe in my writing so that I never justify it to others"
• "to create and adhere to a workable writing schedule"
• "to connect with other writers"
• "to send my work out regularly"

7.  Get an even clearer perspective by repeating the exercise with a new sheet of paper titled "My Writing."
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Now that you've got a clear picture of what you want, it's time to transmute your desires into goals.  Check tomorrow's The Relaxed Writer for more tips and ideas for your very own "FreshStart '09."

Bookending: Using Twitter to Beat Procrastination and Boost Your Writing

Nothing motivates Frank more than a blank page or screen to get around to washing the dishes, sorting the mail and returning calls.  After all that work, he often feels he needs a snack, or perhaps a cup of tea, before he can finally settle down to write. 

Sound familiar?

For some writers, this type of "preparatory procrastination" can be a useful transition to help them shift from outward "doing" to sitting down to write.  For many others, though, procrastination leads them far, far away from the page or screen.

Bookending

Before I became a life coach, I learned a powerful technique to help me get going and stay working when I wanted to write.  My clients now boost their productivity with bookending, and you can, too.

What It Is:

"Bookending" is the simple process of alerting a supportive friend when you begin and when you stop working on a project.  This technique provides us with:

• structure
• a witness to our process
• support

How it works:

Before:  Before I'd sit down to write, I'd make a quick phone call:  "Hi, it's Marla.  I'm working on my piece now...I think I'll be at it for an hour.  I'll call you when I'm through." 

During:  During the work session, even if I was only able to leave a message for my friend, I worked with more focus.  "Gotta' report back after I'm done, and I don't wanna' let him down!" 

After:  When I closed the laptop, I'd give a quick call back:  "Hey...me again.  Finished for today and have goals outlined for tomorrow.  Thanks for being there."

Simple, huh?  If you're bookending with a life coach, you have the support and knowledge that he or she is tracking your progress, holding you accountable and heavily invested in your success.  Bookending with peers builds community and camaraderie. In all forms, bookending works.

Bookending with Twitter

Today's technology enables us to bookend by phone, text message, email or online chat.  Posting to Twitter.com offers writers immediate community and support using microblogging:  --posting short status updates in 140 characters or less. 

Here's a sample thread of bookending posts using Twitter:

@ MarlaBeck  Bookending:  Sitting down to draft blog post.  Plan to work for an hour.

@ MarlaBeck  Going well...getting up for a quick break.  Will check in again b4 resuming writing.

@ MarlaBeck  I'm back.  Writing.

@ MarlaBeck Bookending:  Done!  A solid first draft...will revise tomorrow.  Tks, everyone!

Creating bookending posts ("tweets") on Twitter enables you to update your personal community members--people who are interested enough in you and your updates to click a link to become your "followers"--immediately.  They track your progress and support your work.  Can you see the benefits of using Twitter to communicate with a broad and supportive community, on demand?  

Bookending using Twitter provides one other advantage.  Twitter archives your "tweets," creating a tangible archive of your bookending statements.  Reviewing a list of your bookends over time provides you with a powerful record of your progress towards your writing goals.

Try This

>>Visit www.twitter.com to create a user account.  (Feel free to look me up:  @MarlaBeck)
>>Bookend a writing session with a friend via phone this week. 
>>Once you've begun to create community online, try bookending a work session using Twitter. 

How do you write when you bookend (vs. not)?  What bookending method are you drawn to?    Stop back by and leave a comment with your thoughts and ideas.

Spike Lee on Early Rising

Anyone else read Spike Lee on early rising?   

From the recent New Yorker Spike Lee profile:

Releasing movies at an average of nearly one a year, Lee has maintained a pace matched, in this country, only by Woody Allen...He is able to accomplish so much in part because he often rises at 5 A.M. “You want to get a lot done, you gotta get up in the morning,” he told me. The rest, he says, is “time management.”     

What strategies do you use to get the most out of your day?