The Relaxed Writer

A Few Words About Ease and Grace

 
by Marla Beck, MFA, CTACC

Click here to watch video.

The other day a colleague shared with me a story.

She had a big project coming up.  And although she was nervous, she decided that everything would unfold with ease and grace…and it did.  She got the results she wanted and had worked for, all because she took a moment to decide what she wanted.

I know this may sound quite simple, but it works.

A simple case study.

A few weeks ago, I coached a musician -- a guy who's quite accomplished in his business-world day job -- to create a new music school.  He came to me for help because he'd gotten overwhelmed with completing a grant application to fund his new venture.

We talked about his vision for the music school, and our conversation revealed his intentions for the project were two-fold:  to serve his community, and to shift his livelihood to the arts.  The grant seemed like a good idea because, well…it was there…

The thing is, my client jumped in to developing his project before he was crystal clear about his intention.  He'd always assumed that his music school needed to be non-profit, and when he saw the grant he thought he should apply.  But our coaching conversation revealed that a for-profit model -- one that would enable him to make a living and also serve the community with some pro-bono or sliding scale work -- was more closely aligned with his intentions.  It took a coaching conversation, a powerful kind of talk with an objective third party, for him to get clear.

The best part about this clarity?  No grant application needed.  And his overwhelm and resistance disappeared.  Instead, he was now free to get busy with the exciting (and yes, kinda' scary) work of choosing his services, committing to his project and starting to network and get the word out to prospective students.

My client moved out of overwhelm into a state of ease.  And grace.

Your goal is often closer than you think.

It's very easy to put roadblocks in our way when we're facing a scary part of our project. 

 - That's the reason so many solo business owners think they have to "get the website done" before they dare to tell anyone about their services. 

- That's the reason it's so damn tempting to over-research a topic or a chapter when you write.

We're kind of ingenious in a backwards kind of way.  Because if we're so busy dealing with the roadblocks, we don't have to take the scary steps we need to that will potentially expose us to rejection or disappointment. 

We can stay safely stuck.

Coaching Challenge

I'd like you to write the words, "ease" and "grace" down and post them in your workspace.

Then I want you to observe your writing mindset in the coming week.

(Take a look at your to-do list, too.)

Be alert for self-made obstacles, which often present themselves as big projects or tasks you're resisting.   Ask yourself, "Is this task truly necessary?  Could I move forward without it?"

Approach this exercise with a sense of humor and compassion for yourself.  (You may find, like me, that you are amazingly inventive at keeping yourself "busy.")

Practice this new habit regularly and you'll be one step closer to trading your "spin out" for clarity, ease and grace.

Your writing career will thank you.

How to Grocery Shop (and Love It!)

I'll bet that sometime this week you'll find yourself in the checkout line of your local grocery store. (Yep, even writers need to eat.)

So…how can you stimulate your creativity and stay connected to your writing life as you navigate life's mundane responsibilities?

Here are a couple of tips to get you started.

 

Appreciate.

Years ago I called a nearby Benedictine nunnery and asked to stay with them for a week-long writing retreat. I lived alone for a week in a sparsely furnished room. The grounds were cultivated, the food unmemorable, and my sense of the place was monochromatic somehow, as if everything was washed in a diluted, chestnut stain.

On the way home, I decided I'd stop into a Seven-Eleven for a tuna sandwich.

I got out of my car and walked into the store. The door swung closed behind me and I remember standing at the threshold, dumbstruck.

The store lights were garish and just past the cashier was a plexiglass-covered cooker with sumo-sized sausages spinning slowly round and round. I looked to the left and saw a shelf with endless -- endless! -- varieties of nuts. Above my head, slick banners saturated with intense reds and greens swung in the draft of the air conditioner.

I got the tuna sandwich. But I lost some of my appetite that day.

I realized I wanted to live more simply.

And that we truly have SO MUCH.

(If you've traveled outside the country and returned, I know you can relate to this story.)

Love It! Tip #1:

The next time you find yourself at the grocery store, go down the cereal aisles and try to see the shelves with fresh eyes. Notice how abundant your world is, and how nearly obscene it is that we have so many tastes and textures, boxes and brands to choose from.

As you add an item to your basket, set the intention that you'll use the food or product to create good. Say a small "thank you" inside.

You can transform the mundane task of shopping into a practice of gratitude, an instant mood-lifter.

But beyond feeling good, the practice of gratitude can help you perceive and receive more wonderfulness in your life and writing. The next time you come up with an enticing creative idea, see a fascinating cloud formation or notice someone doing good for someone else, say a simple "thank you." Repeat often.

When you practice relating to the world with thankfulness, you stoke your creativity and set yourself up for perceiving -- and receiving -- more insights, creative ideas and abundance in your life… and your writing.

Try it and see.

 

Notice.

Part of writing well is being truthful and responsive. To perceive right action on the page and be able to respond to your insights takes agility and awareness. And there's no better place to cultivate your ability to see clearly than observing yourself out in the "real" world.

Take your trip to the grocery store, for example.

As you cruise the aisles, watch how you react to other people as you shop.

Do you fully engage with the deli clerk? Or simply state your order curtly?

How do you respond when someone crowds you out of the potato section? Cuts in front of you in line? Do you hold on to your anger or eventually bless the person and let them go?

Do you tell the cashier when she forgets to ring up the almost-empty coffee in your hand?

Lots of us try to enlighten ourselves with meditation or other personal development practices. But if you're not trying to practice what you're learning out in the real world --- away from the mat, as my meditation teacher likes to say -- then you're missing the whole point.

Love It! Tip #2:

If you aspire to practicing kindness, patience and honesty when you're being "spiritual," use your outing to the grocery store to practice being all these good things out in the world, too. That process -- of watching your reactions and aligning them more closely to your ideals -- correlates directly to the practice of being truthful and responsive when you write. Cultivate discernment as you write. Use your weekly trip to the grocery store to practice the art of listening in the real world, too.

 

Smile.

There's also room for fun.

If you go to the market on a weekly basis, you'll start to see familiar faces behind the register. Sometimes, before the clerk has a chance to ask how I'm doing, I ask how their day is going. It's interesting to watch people's reactions. Sometimes I get a cynical "what's it to you, lady?" look, but more often than not I see the man or woman behind the name tag straighten their backs and smile as they tell me about their day.

The next time I come in, we have a little relationship to build on. Suddenly the world seems a little warmer and welcoming as a result.

There are lots of opportunities to smile at the market. If you don't feel like talking much, then don't. Just watch the people in line. Or spend extra time in the chocolate aisle to marvel at the wrappers and colors. Linger for a moment at the candle section to check out the scents, or hang out in the gadgets aisle to check out the action on the new tongs or garlic press. (Hey, to each his own.)

The point is, you're spending your time at the market. A brief slice of your life at the market.

Bring your humanity with you and find something to delight in when you shop. When you practice being more fully alive wherever you go, you'll have even more of yourself to draw from when you sit back down to write.

What's bugging you?

Shortly after I got my Macbook Air, my laptop strap folded and twisted itself inside the pocket that holds the shoulder pad.

And almost daily for months, I've been aware that the pad that's supposed to cushion my shoulder has NOT been doing its job.

And what have I done about it?

Nothing.  Nada.

Instead, every time I noticed my shoulder hurting, I tugged at the strap and forced it to turn over.

With the padding temporarily in place, my shoulder stopped hurting and I got on with things.  Until moments later when the strap righted itself, the pad flipped back over and my shoulder hurt again.

Things went something like this:

"Ow."  (Quick fix.)

"Ow!"  (Quick fix.)

Etc.

(What a cycle!)

Today I found myself standing outside in the sunshine, waiting for the transit bus. My laptop bag was on the ground in front of me and I noticed the length of the strap as it laid on the sidewalk.

Didn't look that tricky to fix.

In less than one minute, I unhooked a metal clasp and refastened it so my laptop bag's shoulder pad was properly in place.  The whole trip home, my shoulder felt great.

And the whole trip home I kept asking myself why the heck I hadn't taken the simple step to fix my twisted shoulder strap much, much earlier.

I realized that, rather than take action, I'd been busy thinking...

• ...I'd get to it later, "when I had time"
• ...the simple task of fixing the strap right would be a lot more difficult, time-consuming and frustrating than it really was.
• ...I could rely on a quick fix, when a single, focused minute of my attention was all it took to solve the annoying situation and make myself more comfortable.

So what's all this got to do with your writing?

I don't want you to make the same silly mistake.

Take a few minutes right now to think about your writing environment.  Anything broken?  Any supplies need restocking?  How's the lighting?

We life coaches call the small things that annoy us "tolerations," and addressing them is a great way to boost your energy and help you focus on the things that matter most in your life.

In the first few weeks of our work together, I have each new coaching client look at their writing environment, life and career with an inquisitive eye.  Once we have a list, my clients get busy.  (And boy do they feel better.)

I'm guessing that if you really think about it, you can find a single thing (or two or three) that you could improve in just a single, focused minute. 

You don't need to get little divets in your shoulder each day.  Take a little action and see for yourself how great it feels to invest a focused minute or two on your well-being and comfort and ease.

Your writing will thank you.

So.  What's bugging you?  And what are you going to do about it?

---

My Two Days to Write virtual intensive includes a one-hour audio lesson on creating a writing environment, schedule and support network that work for you.  Learn more here:  http://www.coachmarla.com/twodaystowrite/index.html

 

On Gratitude: A Simple Game and a Few Lovely Links for Writers

I'm usually a chirpy, early riser.  If I didn't share a cozy cabin-of-a-house with my husband, kid and cat, I'm quite certain I would wake up singing.  Literally.

But yesterday morning? 

No way.

I'd been up late the night before, working myself into wakefulness fretting about a few people I love, rewriting reality to suit me better (good luck with that one, right?), stressing out over my big to-do list and worrying over a big organizing project I'd been putting off. 

Then I turned my attention to my daughter's immediate and far-off future. I freaked out about it all--for no good reason at all. 

And when my alarm went off the next day, I was not chirpy.   Or "sing-y." 

I was grumpy.

And I really couldn't afford to be.  I had a sweet family to breakfast with and a full schedule of private clients to coach once I left the house. 

I needed to get out of the "stuck place" so I could move on with my day.

Playing "Ten Things"

Life and meditation and coaching have taught me to take perspective when I'm feeling hijacked by fear or anxiety.  Rather than buy into the negativity and let it immobilize me, most of the time I try to gently shift my thinking.

One of the simplest way I know is to play "Ten Things I'm Grateful For."

Sp yesterday I stayed in bed 5 extra minutes, doing my best to survey my life and all the great things in it. 

"One, I'm grateful for my healthy body…"

(Playing "10 Things" always feels a bit awkward at first.  Usually don't let myself quit until I get to ten.)

"Two, I'm grateful for my family…"

I don't know how this game works, but it does. 

By the time I got to Number 10, I didn't feel perfect.  But I felt a little suprised at all the good stuff. 

And I felt better!

…Good enough to greet my little daughter and sleepy husband with kindness.

…Good enough to coach my clients.

…Good enough to write a few short pieces that really needed to be written.

…Good enough to draft this post for you.

I'm not promising your obstacles will melt away magically.  But a heart filled with gratitude has a little more agility, a little more ability to move freely and respond to life in helpful ways. 

When you need to write but are feeling too antsy or afraid of the page, try practicing gratitude by playing "Ten Things."  Try it, too, when you're driving home from work or waiting in line at the grocery store.   Ask your lover or friend to play along with you.

You deserve a happy heart.
----

Lovely Links for Writers

In the spirit of feeling great about your life and writing, I wanted to share a few links to help you reconnect to your writing happy place -- that wonderful space where gratitude and possibility meet...

Writing to Change the World -  Carolyn Rubenstein
http://www.abeautifulrippleeffect.com/2011/10/writing-to-change-the-world/

Become a Better Writer by Practicing Gratitude - Jeff Goins
http://writeitsideways.com/become-a-better-writer-by-practicing-gratitude/

3 Ways to Recharge Your Writing Dream - (mine)
http://marla.typepad.com/the_relaxed_writer/2010/08/writing-dream-recharge.html

Grateful?  Now, go do something. - Judy Stone-Goodman
http://www.thereflectivewriter.com/feeling-grateful-and-hungry-put-them-together-to-help-those-in-need/

Enjoy your day and thanks for reading.  Feel free to share your thoughts and comments below.

---

Like what you see?  Don't miss a thing.  Subscribe to The Relaxed Writer blog using the box at the top right-hand side of your screen. 

2 Keys to Freelance Happiness (and a Free Teleclass for Writers)

I'm on a mission to help you become a relaxed, productive and downright *happy* writer!

And in my six years' experience coaching successful freelancers, 
I've learned two important keys to freelance writer happiness:

1. You're pursuing meaningful projects, whether as a bread-and-butter gig or side project;
2. You're using strategic tools and systems to streamline your business, clarify your priorities and get both your paid and your personal writing done.

This Wednesday, I'll be teaching a popular, info-packed teleclass designed to help you create more balance, happiness & success with your freelance writing business.

Will you join me?

===================

FREE TELECLASS FOR WRITERS -

"5 Steps to Balance, Bliss and a Booming Writing Business"
Wednesday, March 9 at 9am PT / 12 noon ET

Click here to learn more & register:
http://www.coachmarla.com/teleclass.html

==================

In this free, one-hour teleclass you'll discover:

• how to harness more time, focus and energy for the important "big picture" projects you keep putting off (marketing plan, query writing, book proposal, anyone?)

• three essential business practices to boost your productivity and your bottom line

• how to take control of your business so you can devote more of your time and talents to doing what makes you happiest

I'll share with you simple, easy-to-implement tips you can begin using right away to become a happier, more successful freelancer.  Best of all, I suspect you'll even have a little fun!

If this class sounds like a good fit for you, I look forward to seeing you on Wednesday.

warmly,

Coach Marla

Writing Lesson from Photographers: The "10,000 + 1 Principle"

Now that you've mastered the "3% Rule," let's move on to the second of three posts in my "Writing Lessons from Photographers" blog series. 

Today's lesson is a powerful antidote for anyone who struggles with an overactive inner critic.  Enjoy!

---

Last week a writer I know excised herself from cozy home and family to go to a nearby cafe to work on her novel.  Hot beverage on hand and comfortably seated, she opened her laptop and began to write. 

It wasn't long, though, before my talented writer-friend sent me this missive:

writing life coach! what do you do when your brain tells you that you can't write a book and that everything you type is a boring cliche that no one will ever care about?!

Oh, writer's block.  Who among us hasn't been in that very stuck place?  

Today's photography-inspired writing lesson addresses just this kind of creative paralysis.  Read on to learn about what I call the "10,000+1" Principle.

The "10,000 + 1" Principle

Readers, meet my one of my favorite photographers:  Henri Cartier-Bresson.

Over the years, this French photographer's spontaneous images, taken with his hand-held Leica camera as he roamed the streets of Paris, remain among my favorites.  (For fun, I'll include here my 1994 street portrait of a young boy in Mexico City.  Not too tough to see how much I was influenced by Cartier-Bresson's "Rue Mouffetard, Paris 1954," is it?)

A former painter, Cartier-Bresson believed in a concept he called "integrity of vision."  He didn't believe in cropping his photographic images to improve their composition.  Instead, he held himself to a self-imposed standard of "what you see is what you get," and printed most of his photographs with a thin black line around them, indicating that what you see on the print is exactly what he saw through the viewfinder. 

No cropping.

"Your first 10,000 photographs are your worst."   - Henri Cartier-Bresson

Given Cartier-Bresson's "get it right all at once" aesthetic, it's not surprising that he was well-aware of the fact that as artists, we tend to start out..."so-so," and that with time, we improve.  This is a simple concept, but one that, perhaps because drafting a new chapter takes us writers a heck of a lot longer than the "decisive moment" Cartier-Bresson needed to compose a photograph, is often very hard for us writers to remember. 

• We forget that the piece we're working on is simply one project among many.
• We forget that our current work represents a single blip in time in our life cycle as writers.
• We forget that sometimes progress is incremental and hardly perceptible, and that, if we're alert and mindful, with each page we deepen our expressive powers and learn more (and more and more) how to do our chosen craft well.

Cartier-Bresson's quote is one of my favorite reminders that we develop our writing talent in stages.  Consider this the "10,000+1 Principle:"  over time we improve.  If we log in the hours and practice our craft, we are bound to produce our first "plus-one" piece.  Until then, our job is simply to show up and to pay close attention as we work.

Try This

Let's take the 10,000+1 Principle literally for a moment. 

Assume that you're a photographer, and you shoot rolls that are 36 frames long.  Using Cartier-Bresson's prediction, you'd need to shoot about 278 rolls of film before you move from "ugh" to "decent." 

Let's say you're shooting about 3 new rolls a week.   If my math's right, at this pace it'll take you a year and ten months to move your craft forward.

Consider that: 

if you were to start your work in August 2010, you could expect to shoot your 10,001st photograph right around July 2012.  And with that 10,001st photograph, you'll be moving into a discernibly better stage with your craft.  If you really want to be a good writer, isn't your long-term goal to evolve your craft worth this relatively brief investment of time?

Here are a few more ways to apply the "10,000+1" Principle to your work as a writer.

• If you're writing in a new genre, what would happen to your writing if you gave yourself a year-and-a-half to simply be apprentice:  to show up on time, to log in the hours, and to learn, learn, learn?

• What would happen if, just for this afternoon, you allowed yourself to focus on craft and creativity - not how your work will be received in the future?  I tried this today while writing this blog post, and this simple mindshift allowed me to finish up in record time.

What Do You Think? 

How will you apply the 10,000+1 Principle to your own writing?  Shoot me a trackback if you blog about the 10,000+1 Principle elsewhere, or share your ideas with us in the comments below.  (You can also leave a comment on my Facebook page by clicking here.)

Next Up:  "Never Shoot a Sunset"

Stay tuned for the next and final installment of this three-part Writing Lessons from Photographers blog series:  "Never Shoot a Sunset." 

Thanks for reading and enjoy working at your craft today.

Writing Lesson from Photographers: The 3% Rule

Welcome to my new blog series, "Writing Lessons from Photographers."  Today's lesson is part one of a three-part series.

* * *

Introducing the 3% Rule

It wasn't until my senior year in college that I discovered the photo department.  What joy!

My first photo professor, Steve Zapton, was known for his direct feedback during class critiques.  "Not for babies!" said a recent student on ratemyprofessors.com. Personally, I adored his straight-talk.

Professor Zapton taught me the most liberating of creative maxims:  "If you get one shot out of thirty-six, you've shot a successful roll of film."

One shot out of thirty-six.  

With this rule, suddenly the blurred, unlit and downright crappy shots on my contact sheets seemed less important.  If I could find just one image among all the experiments, mediocrity and missteps that unfurled in the course of shooting thirty-six frames, I was golden. 

I could circle what really worked and ignore the rest.

The 3% Rule

Assuming my math is right, "one out of thirty-six" translates into a 3% success rate (2.78% if you want to be exact). 

If just 3% of the time the magical mix of light, timing, composition and technique comes together to yield an image that really "says" something, a photographer is on track.

Imagine the creative freedom the 3% Rule offers to you as a writer!

If you expected success just 3% of the time you worked at your writing, would you be a bit more far-ranging and creative?

• Would your "new queries" lists be longer?  More broad?  More daring?
• Would you take more risks with your new poem starts and fiction ideas, knowing that you could discard 97% after a minimal initial investment of time?
• Would you be a bit more forgiving with yourself as you revise and edit your work?

The beauty of the 3% Rule is that it stops that one of the biggest ways writers sabotage themselves. Instead of judging our creative process as we create (ugh!), the 3% Rule teaches us to retrain ourselves to stop expecting a masterpiece every time. 

By lowering our expectations, we give ourselves room to experiment, room to fail and room to play on the page.  We can take our 3% and not get hung up in analyzing what the other 97% means about our talents or abilities.

Without this crushing self-criticism, we're free to return again and again to writing.

* * *

Next Up

If you liked this post, be sure to check out the second post in this three-part Writing Lessons from Photographers series:  "The '10,000+1' Principle."  

* * *

Follow me on Twitter:  @MarlaBeck

How to Save a Rotten Writing Day - Pocket Tip for Writers (audio)

I had a rotten writing session the other day.  I won't bore you with the details, but trust me:  the wheels were NOT turning.

After I got home, I decided to hike the hill behind our house.  (The walk is lined with redwoods that look a lot like the ones here in Miguel Vieira's gorgeous photo of redwood trees in Sequoia National Park.)

As I climbed the hill, I started to mull over the day.  Where had things gone wrong?  What did I do to "save" it?

My iTouch was in my pocket and I decided to take a risk and share my gleanings with you in "real time."  Here it is, the latest (and roughest, but hopefully helpful) "Pocket Tip for Writers:  How to Save a Rotten Writing Day."

How to Save a Rotten Writing Day (2:30, MP3)

Click the grey bar above to listen.

Your Turn

Will this strategy help you save your next writing session, too?  What else works for you?

On Writing Time and 'Real Life': 4 Steps for Smooth Transitions

* * *

It's audio time!

On Writing Time and 'Real Life'

I just made this 4-minute MP3 recording of me reading this article while my daughter slept peacefully in the next room -- shhhhh. ;)

Look forward to hearing your feedback. If you like the MP3, please share it with your friends! 

* * *

On Writing Time and 'Real Life':  4 Steps for Smooth Transitions
by Marla Beck

Engaging with the World

Yesterday I watched my little daughter harvest a small, blue egg from our neighbor's chicken coop. 

Feeling its just-hatched warmth, she rested the petite marvel in her right hand.  She stood completely still for a moment and lifted her arm carefully, clutching the egg with just the right amount of pressure.  She stared at its watercolor blueness intently, fully engaged with the experience.

Then, a dog came by.

Annabelle stepped purposefully towards the dog's wagging tail. She stooped down to look at a single, brown feather on the ground before announcing her discovery gleefully to the clouds and the sun. 

As we left the neighbor's yard and headed back home, my little one stretched as far as she could to try and reach the gate latch with her left hand -- the one that wasn't still clutching the little blue egg.

Focusing to Write

I don't have to tell you that we writers are curious folk.  Like three-year-olds, we easily engage with the world around us. In our creative work, this ability to get involved with life -- to pursue leads, to ask  questions, to try something new -- is an awesome asset!

But when we're actually writing, this tendency to get involved with our environment isn't always a good thing. Much too often (and often unnoticed by us), our attention spans get yoked by intriguing stimuli from our environment. 

We tend lose our place.  Without awareness, we forget to tend to the creative treasures in our care.

The Wide-Awake Transition:  Four Easy Steps

The secret to balancing "real life" with creative focus is the art making wide-awake transitions between these two ways of being.  Here's how.

Step #1.  Pause

Before you reach for the ringing phone, pursue an intriguing hyperlink, or give in to the temptation to click over to check your Facebook news feed just one more time (we've all been there!), pause for a moment. 

Ask yourself: 

• Am I really ready to put down the blue egg?  
• Or am I willing to persist with my writing for just ten more minutes?

Step #2.  Leave Tracks

If you do choose to stop writing right now, make the decision to do so with awareness.  Pause and leave a few creative tracks for yourself.  (Give yourself the very best chance of returning--productively--to your blue egg!)

Leave tracks for yourself by:

• Sketching out the inklings of the storyline you're working on.
• Making a list of what's left to do to wrap up that article.
• Noting exactly where you'd like to pick up again when you return to your writing desk.

Step #3.  Ground Yourself

If you can, after you leave tracks, sit still for a moment longer.  Notice how you've situated your back, your spine. Sense the feeling of your back against the chair. 

Ground your awareness in the present moment.

Step #4.  Plan Your Future, Enjoy the Present

Most importantly?  Decide exactly when you will return to your blue egg.  Then until you return, enjoy your time away from writing...guilt-free. 

You've put your treasure down gingerly. The blue egg is in good care.

c. 2010 Marla Beck.  photo credit:  WoodleyWonderWorks (Flickr)

---

Want to use this article in your own blog or newsletter? 

Go for it -- as long as you include the article and following blurb in their entirety (with proper credit and all links intact):

Need more time to write? Sign up for my free e-course, "5 Keys to Making Time to Write," at http://www.CoachMarla.com/ecourse-mtw.html. For more great ideas for writers, visit my blog at http://www.TheRelaxedWriter.com.

Calibrate Your Writing Life

Vision without action is a daydream. Action without vision is a nightmare.

-Japanese Proverb

Between "daydream" and "nightmare" dwells the lucid hour:  that state of rightness, receptivity and effortless right action otherwise known as the Flow State.

These late December days provide the perfect opportunity to discover how to best calibrate your writing life in the new year. 

How will you achieve that delicate balance between vision and action? 

Will you:

• Explore, deepen or work on truly owning your visions for your life and writing? 
• Move out of the "perhaps-I'll-do-it-someday" state into concrete habits to support your vision?
• Create a sustainable, effective plan to help you take consistent, smart actions each day?

As a Life Coach for Writers, I'm here to help you create the writing life you're dreaming of.  Tell us what you're working on, and please let me know how I can help you make 2010 your best year yet.

image credit (RickMcCharles-Flickr)

 

 

Make It Fun!

A Swiss-based coaching client sent me a link to Volkswagen's recent Fun Theory video, "Piano Stairs" recently.  Have you seen it yet?

5 Simple Tips to Beautify Your Life

“The longer I live the more beautiful life becomes. If you foolishly ignore beauty, you will soon find yourself without it. Your life will be impoverished. But if you invest in beauty, it will remain with you all the days of your life.”      -Frank Lloyd Wright

I don't know about you but when someone speaks to me from the vantage point of a life mostly-lived, well...I tend to listen up.

To me, Wright's experience of an increasingly beautiful life is uncommon and inspiring.  He seems to be saying that "beauty" is available to us always, but it's up to us to wake to it, to cultivate it in our lives. 

photo credit: pablo.sanchez (Flickr)

Take a moment to think about your own life and habits.  Ask yourself:

• Have you been deliberately feeding your senses exquisite images and sounds, textures, colors and tastes? 
• Are you regularly decluttering your self-limiting attitudes and habits?  
• Do you give yourself regular time to reflect, process and savor your life's challenges and experiences?
• Do you experience your life a bit more richly, a bit lovelier than you did ten years, three years, thirty days ago? 

The late Thomas Leonard, pioneer of the coaching profession, believed that an optimized home and workspace enhance our ability to realize goals more than we might realize. 

To fine-tune your physical environment, this week I encourage you to consciously invest in beauty.  Take a few small steps to deliberately create a more elegant, inspiring or downright gorgeous place to live and work.

To get you started, here are 5 simple tips to beautify your life.

1. Grab some fresh flowers from the market, or tend and groom the houseplants you already have.
   
2. Cull the notes from your bulletin board, and use some of the newly freed-up space to post a quote, image or tchotchke that delights you. 
3. Reorganize your music collection, and create a playlist of newly rediscovered tunes or artists to play before or during your next writing session.
4. Warm up the lighting in your living or writing space.
5. Treat yourself to an elegant new writing tool.  Buy yourself a new pen or, if you prefer to write on-screen, experiment with a distraction-free writing environment to see how you like it.

You also may also experiment with making a daily "loved moments" list before bed.  To keep this exercise quick and simple, compress each impression into 1-3 sentences (or just an evocative phrase).  If you note even one loved moment a day, in a month you'll have a collection of notes to remind you of the beauty suffused in your everyday life. 

* * *

I'll end today's post with a personal note--a postcard of sorts.

My two-year-old daughter, Annabelle, has always been a lark (like her mom).

Early in the mornings, my husband has been wrapping our little daughter up head-to-toe in a fluffy down comforter and picking her up to go outside. He opens the front door slowly, and as the damp autumn morning rushes at her face, Annabelle clasps his neck expectantly.  They settle on the topmost step just outside the door, Annabelle cuddled on her dad's lap.

Sometimes I hear Annabelle and her dad through the door as they sit in the starlight, talking about the neighborhood yet-to-wake, listening to the birds and chipmunks, looking at the sky.  Often when I hear the rhythms of their sleepy chatter I stand still.  Enchanted.

(A simple "loved moment" of mine.)  

* * *

Care to share a recent "loved moment" of your own? 

What will you do to beautify your inner or outer environment this week?

Dr. Seuss on Simplicity

"Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple."
-Dr. Seuss

We writers can sometimes make the straightforward awfully complex. 

• We obsess about what to write, when the answer is often to simply "begin."

• We bemoan blocks when all we really may need is sleep, a juicy writing prompt or a new colleague with a sharp editorial eye.

After fighting with a complicated new email newsletter template for many more hours than I care to admit, I thought it'd be nice to hear a bit about simplicity from you, dear reader.

How do you cut through complexity?  How do you access your own simple answers?

Life Coaching Tip for Writers: Pay Yourself First

If you've ever read an article on how to save money, you've probably come across this common investment advice: "pay yourself first."

Work, household, family, writing...every day you have an array of "accounts" on which to spend your life energy.  What choices have you been making?  

Are you paying yourself first?

In my life coaching practice, I've found that as writers learn to prioritize their personal well-being, they begin to enjoy more focus and energy when they write.  (Our actions off-the-page affect our efforts  when we write.)

As clients begin to "pay themselves first," their lives become a bit more balanced. They begin to feel more empowered, more optimistic.  On track.  These positive effects creates a sense of momentum and possibility, creating ideal conditions for making further changes.

"Paying yourself first" doesn't have to be time-consuming or complicated, even.  Simply,

1. Choose a self-caring act, and do it every day.
2. Do it mindfully, with explicit intention.  ("Today I am investing in my own well-being.") 

Can 5-10 minutes of intentional self-care really make a difference, you might ask?  Try it for yourself and see. 

Here are a few very simple ideas to get you started.  

• Jot down a quick list of "5 Things I'm Grateful For" 
• Perform a 5-minute round of calisthenics
• Fill a page with notes, quotes or sketches related to your big-picture goals or dreams
• Sit quietly for 5 breaths before logging onto the computer or beginning to read the morning paper
• Straighten the house before bed

photo credit:  electrofantastic

A Kid and A Balloon: On Passion, Tenacity and Focus

They say you can learn a lot from a kid.  I recently learned a lesson about passion (and tenacity, and focus) from my toddler, Annabelle.

The other day my husband and Annabelle knocked on a friend's door.  When our friend answered, my nearly-two-year-old pushed past our friend and headed straight for an 18"-square Mylar balloon floating in the corner.  She gripped the purple and pink curling ribbons in her small hand and proudly took her new Happy Birthday "'boon!" home with her.

Annabelle clutched the ribbons in her tiny hand all day.  She held it as we rocked and cuddled to sleep.  The plastic weight (a pink plastic star) dragged behind her  as she moved busily from room to room to room.  The square balloon floated above her body as she napped--ribbons in one hand while she slept on her belly--on the living-room couch.  Late in the day, as we drove to the store, she held the balloon so it blocked my view of her face completely.

 "Annabelle?" I asked, turning my head around to check on her because she'd been so silent in her car seat.  She peeked her head around the side of the balloon--eyes sparkling--and then quickly went back to hiding.

 

It was only in the evening, well beyond her usual bedtime, that I was able to gently pry the balloon from Annabelle's pudgy little grip.  She wailed.

"Don't worry.  Your balloon...it's right here," I whispered.  

The little soul woke herself up ("Mama?  'Boon?") off and on throughout the next hour, sitting up sleepily to make sure she could still see the balloon's square outline as it danced in the dark, dark room.

* * * * *

On Passion

Like ourselves when we were small, Annabelle's senses guide her to what she loves.  Shiny?  Square?  Floaty?  She kindled passion for the balloon the very moment she saw it.

Want to rekindle passion for your writing?  Get started by answering these questions:

• What kinds of input do my senses most respond to?   Music?  Scent? Touch?

• What genres do I most love to read?  Love to create?

• Am I pursuing my project passionately right now?  What shifts do I need to make?  

Spend some time reflecting on an idea, object or literary form that you absolutely love, love, love.  Doing so "fills the well" (Julia Cameron's term) and feeds your creativity and passion.   

On Tenacity

Despite the considerable problem-solving required by Annabelle's new passion (how to get a spoon to her mouth, how to fill up her purse, how to get a shirt changed while holding a balloon?), she persisted.

To find time and creative space to develop our book proposals, novels or other "after-hours" projects, we need to cultivate:

• fervent desire
• strong belief that we can succeed
• imaginative problem-solving, and
• the ability and willingness to persist: to try for our goals again and again and again and again.

Consider these questions:

• How can I be more proactive in creating time to write?
  
• When challenged by self-doubt or circumstance, do I persist?
• What can I do to meet obstacles with more flexibility?

On Focus

Like Annabelle straining to see her balloon's outline in the dark, life can seem so busy that our view of what we want is obscured. It sometimes takes great effort and intention to truly "see" our passions.

Successful athletes use their minds to cultivate and visualize their goals.  This technique works for writers, too.

Try this simple exercise.

Write down 2-3 goals on a 3x5 index card.  Phrase them as if each goal is completed.  For example:

• "My manuscript is well-realized and finished."
• "My agent is shopping my proposal."
• "I've written an emotionally resonant, supremely crafted short-story."

As life presents you with a few spare moments (waiting for an appointment, before you go to bed), review your goals.  Take a few moments to clearly visualize yourself working at and achieving each one.

If you review your goals daily, you'll begin to build belief in your work and become aware of opportunities you'd never noticed before.  You'll also begin building a new mental muscle:  the one that helps you to continually "see" your goals, even in the dark.

Inviting the Flow State: 4 Simple Practices to Try Today

It's Monday morning, I know.  Just for fun, though, I'd like invite you to practice your flexibility-of-mind muscles and try something new for the next few hours:  let yourself burble with joy.

"Burble with Joy?  What the Heck Are You Talking About?"

Random House defines a "burble" as:

1. "a bubbling or gentle flow," or
2. "an excited flow of speech."

I prefer to combine these two ideas, and define "burble" this way: 
"a bubbling, gentle flow of thoughts, speech and actions." 

Read that again.  "A bubbling, gentle flow of thoughts, words and actions."  Wouldn't it be nice to flow gently through your day today?

"I Still Don't Get It."

Take a moment to unpack my definition.

"Bubbling."
 - Synonyms include creative, active, generative.

"Gentle."
 - As in: unforced, unimpeded.

"Flow."
 - For purposes of this discussion, let's define "flow" as a forward motion ignited by one's calm, focused, creative mindset and actions. 

"Flow" is a casual relationship (If "focused + calm + creative" then "flow").  It's a dynamic movement of energy not controlled by or originating from our will or our analytical, "thinking" mind.

4 Simple Practices

Ready to give "burbling with joy" (or, simply, inviting the flow state) a try?  Use today as your  canvas and let's get started.  Here's how:

1.  Focus on the tasks at-hand:  do what you need to get done today.
Shift your focus from the future to this moment...right now.  Allow yourself to be fully present with the tasks and demands of your day.  Focus is an important habit for writers.

2. Relax your mind and body periodically throughout the day.
In the busiest of days, you always have options for self-relaxation. You can workout (take the stairs, walk around the block or hit the gym), free write, call a friend, choose good-for-you food, or take a moment to stretch or breathe. Choose one or two to practice today.

3.  Simplify:  Table your worries until tomorrow. (Trust me, they'll still be there for you.) 
You can do your long-range planning (or big-scale worrying!) tomorrow.  Just for this day, I'd like you to experience the creativity that comes from being "in the day" with just the tasks at hand.  Tabling our worries is an act of faith.  If this is difficult for you, here are two exercises to try:

  >>Clear your desk (and your mind).  Create a clean, uncluttered workspace for yourself today.  As you move papers and projects aside, imagine you're also clearing worries from your mind. 

>>Time your worries.  If you feel you absolutely must worry today, try this exercise:  set a timer and allow yourself 10 minutes to fully express your fears, worries and concerns.  After the timer goes off, shift gears, knowing that sometimes the subconscious mind can come up with amazing solutions we could never deliberately create on our own.  If you begin to get "worry withdrawal," remember that you can repeat this exercise tomorrow.

4.  Smile.
Here in Marin County, California, it's not uncommon to see people in cars passing by or stopped at a light just sitting there...smiling.  (I'm not kidding!  This shocked me at first, but after 8 years in California, I'm getting used to it.) 

I'm not suggesting you act dopey or fake.  Your community or workplace may not be ready for this kind of "radical smiling," I know.  Still, you can take a moment to try smiling to yourself (privately, if you prefer)...several times today.

It's been said that simply by choosing to smile, we can alter our mood.  If this is true (my experience says it is), don't overlook this free mood-alterer.  Your smile's accessible to you at any time.

* *

By calming your mind and shifting your focus from the bigger picture to the present moment, task or conversation, you cultivate ideal conditions for creativity and flow--both in your writing and your life.

Have fun playing with these simple exercises today.   Let me know how things go, and get out there and "burble!"

(photo credit:  Gaetan Lee)

p.s. - Thanks also to @toomarvelous for helping me to retitle this post. 

Solitude: How to Take Space with Ease

Some writers struggle with taking the space they need to replenish their creativity and passion for their work.  They may be afraid their partner will feel left-out, hurt or abandoned when they tell them, "I need to spend some time alone."  They may find themselves justifying their need for solitude to a partner who just doesn't understand.

Clarissa Pinkola Estes teaches an effective technique for making time for solitude while in a relationship.  These two tips can help you--cleanly, effectively--take the space you need without guilt or undue stress for yourself or your partner.

1. Let them know you're going.
2. Let them know you'll be coming back.

Ridiculously simple, isn't it? 

Here is a simple script you can use.  Try it on and see how it works for you.

Let them know you're going.
This afternoon I need to take some time away to revive my writing life.  I'm not sure exactly what I'll be doing, but I'll be out of touch for a few hours.

Let them know you'll be coming back.
I should wrap up around 3.  Would you like to check in then?

To take space with ease, you need to do two things.

1.  State your intention clearly, without inviting or entertaining analysis, commentary or judgment.  Of course, to avoid discussion, you'll choose your time away when it's a decently convenient time for the life you and your partner share.  (In other words, avoid using "need for solitude" as a way to avoid washing the car or the weekly visit with Auntie Rae.)  :)   "I've decided to go;  I'm going."  That's it.  No need to explain or defend yourself.  This skill gets easier with practice, I promise.

2.  Reassure your partner that you will return, and will look forward to connecting when you're back.  This simple step does wonders for the one who's left behind. (I know, because now that my husband has learned this skill, he often takes a moment to tell me, "I'll be back soon," before he takes space.  Whenever he takes a moment to remind me he'll be returning, I'm relieved.)

Perhaps it's just human nature to not want to be left behind.  Or perhaps by the time many of us finally honor our own need to take space, we're in such a grumpy or angular state that we can't help but elbow our loved ones on the way out the door.

By taking solitude when we need it, and by using these skills to take space with ease, we walk--not push--out way out the door.  We return as better writers. 

We return as better partners, too. 

Replenish the Writer: Anne M. Lindbergh on Solitude

Only when one is connected to one's inner core is one connected to others. And, for me, the core, the inner spring, can best be re-found through solitude.   --Anne Morrow Lindbergh

 Dear Reader,

As I write this, I'm steeped in silence and solitude.  My cells are nourished by this temporary lack of sound and companionship, especially because on most days my small house is populated by one vocal cat, a lively, music-loving toddler--one who's just discovered her screaming-for-joy voice, by the way--and an active, sociable husband.  It's not that I'm completely deprived of solitude, but to get the space I need, I have to be intentional and proactive.

If you're a writer, I don't have to tell you how important solitude is to your craft, but perhaps I might take this moment to remind you that time for solitude won't necessarily present itself on its own.  You  may have to actively take time and space away from your daily obligations and loved ones to make it happen.  

What does "solitude" look like for you?  I'd like to hear your ideas, and will share some of my own with you later this week.

until then, write well.
~Coach Marla

p.s. - Thanks to "akaporn" (Flickr) for the gorgeous image.

Distracted Writer's Remedy: Part 1

Are you a distracted writer?  

If you write at the computer keyboard, you're attempting to write amidst a slew of tangential demands for your attention.  Given all the information available to us in the margins (not to mention the ready-and-willing-ness of the internet just a few keystrokes away), is it any wonder it's often a challenge to get the real work of writing done?

The Distracted Writer's Remedy #1:  "Unplug"

In "Procrastination Station," today's post on the LiveWires blog, my friend and fellow writer, Emily Kischell, muses about her tendency to perceive that she's less productive when she writes despite a proliferation of productivity tools:

As writers we have so many tools of convenience now. We are able to wrangle type instantly and easily. Not that we would, but we could write a novel on our cell phone in the middle of the jungle somewhere and then email it back to our agent instantly. This is quite an evolution from ink copies made by hand in candlelight, or for that matter, from writing a college paper on a typewriter and then treking up hill both ways to a photocopy machine to create a backup. And yet where is the spare time generated by these conveniences?

Kischell attributes her diminishing productivity to a phenomenon she's coined "digital fidgeting." (I love this term.)  She's decided that, for her, the remedy is to disconnect her computer from the internet for a few hours each day.

One of my coaching clients regularly"disconnects" before his writing sessions, too. 

Next time you sit down to write, try "sealing off" your writing session by turning off the internet and writing offline.  

And please check back in a day or two for the Distracted Writer's "Remedy #2," including a special offer for you.

On Busses & Bad Days: How to Write When You Don't Really Want To

My toddler learned two new words yesterday: "rice" and "bus." To see her eyes sparkle at her new power to name (especially while pointing her finger urgently at a passing bus) makes me marvel. What a terrific force joy can be!

If you're anything like me, you may pursue writing (or music or baking) in large part because it makes you feel so good when you do it.

And if you're anything like me, when the joyful work get rough--the story resists a workable form, logic eludes or the dough doesn't rise--you can be tempted to react by losing faith in the project, doubting your vision, or abandoning your sense of confidence, belief or purpose.

We are so lucky to have work we love.  But we need to love our work without conditions.  Day after day, whether we feel like it or not, we improve our writing by writing.

My friend, Carl, is a professional sculptor.  He lives and works with his wife, Marie, a fine art bookmaker.   His yard is graced by elegant metal sculptures; he's successful enough to live off his art.

"How'd you do it, Carl?" I used to ask, before I had the guts to claim my passion and do work I love.   "Every day, I work," he said simply.

Writing can be joyful, but be assured: you will occasionally encounter challenges and obstacles. What to do when the joy ebbs?  What to do when you start to doubt yourself or your writing?

"Every day, work," Carl would say.  Lose the expectation that writing must always be fun.  Know that even successful, prolific writers sometimes temporarily lose their way.  When things don't go well, don't make a too-big deal of it.  Give yourself permission to be real. 

"Just a bad day on the page.  I'll try again tomorrow." 

Sometimes a bad day is just a bad day. 

The Art of Not-Trying: 3 Habits to Cultivate 'Flow'

In Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience, psychologist Mihaly Csíkszentmihályi lists nine elements that accompany "flow."

After "clear goals" and "concentration and focus" is the subject of today's Relaxed Writer post:
"a loss of feeling of self-consciousness; the merging of action and awareness."

How to merge "action" and "awareness?"  Read on for "The Art of Not-Trying: 3 Habits to Cultivate Flow.'"

---

1.  Give yourself permission to write really, really bad stuff.  We all know the purpose of the first draft is to "get the ideas out" without paying much notice to grammar, rhetoric, etc.  But how bad are your first drafts, really? 

Nearly every writer I've coached has benefited from practicing redirecting his or her "trying" energy from writing a "solid" first draft to writing a "truly awful" one.  I invite you to practice this skill by  making your next first draft even more "horrible," "unbelievably incomplete," "sloppy," "barely coherent" or [insert your favorite descriptor here] than ever before. 

How to Do It: 
Have fun with this:  write badly in a bold way.  Your goal is what I call a "Swiss Cheese Draft:"  a slice of writing with a slight structure a gaping holes you'll fill in later.  By redirecting your "trying" energy, you essentially silence it.

2.  Thank your critic.  I believe it's inaccurate to think that we'll eventually overcome, overpower or eliminate our inner critical voices. In fact, the critic's chatter is a signal that our mind's in order:  it is natural and healthy to experience resistance when we move forward or write something new.  The trick is to welcome the critic's chatter as a signal that we're doing something right (by challenging ourselves, rather than staying in our comfort zone).  And then to move on.

How to Do It:
Treat the inner critic's chatter as you would an untimely call from an aggressive telemarketer.  Thank the critic for "calling," and then hang up. Immediately.  No need to get sucked in to its (often savvy, seductive) sales pitch.  You're too busy writing.

3.  Meditate.  Please note:  I define "meditation" loosely.   Any activity that helps connect you to a sense of well-being and helps you to turn down the volume of your inner thoughts counts. 

As a guide, think of your favorite activity (bread-baking, walking briskly, listening to Bach and doing yoga are a few of my own favorites).  If the activity helps you transform your energy from excited (or nervous, or jumpy) to calm, then it can serve you well as a form of "meditation."

Doing a meditative activity regularly helps you to:

• develop metacognitive awareness
• develop a sense of daring and play

Each of these qualities are essential elements of "not-trying," and build a strong base for the self-forgetting that contributes to creating flow.

How to Do It:
You may already be doing meditative activity on a regular basis.  If so, be aware of it as such and give yourself as much opportunity to engage in it as you can...preferably daily.

To experience more-formal meditation techniques, view my post, "Audio Supports for Meditation" for links to guided practices of secular and Buddhist-inspired techniques. 

Accepting What Is

I really didn't want to dress up my 18-month-old daughter, Annabelle, as a cow for Halloween.  I had other, cuddlier/more photogenic animals in mind for her second Halloween:  a dainty ladybug; perhaps a fluffy lamb.  

The moment Annabelle saw the costume, though, she puckered up her lips and started to moo. 

"You like this one," I said. 

"Moooooooo!" she replied, with a discernible twinkle in her eye.

In costume, Annabelle stared at her reflection in the mirror as we got ready for her playgroup party, and she mooed loudly.  At the party, she found a mirror under a table and returned to it again and again to admire herself (and to moo).  She wore her costume headpiece throughout the entire party.  When my friends said hello and greeted her with "You're a cow!" Annabelle happily mooed back at them. 

So it was.  Annabelle was a cow for Halloween.

It isn't always easy to let go of our preconceived notions of how our projects should turn out, but there is often real wisdom in letting our plans evolve simply into the way they need to be.

This simple principle has abundant applications in life and in writing.  The next time you investigate a big decision, try focusing first only on learning all you can about the various options available to you. Then, when decision-making time comes, relax your mind and use your intuition to connect you with "what the situation wants to be."  By shifting your focus from the outcome to the decision-making process itself, you allow your intuitive wisdom more space to express itself.

If you find yourself stuck while writing a piece, try stepping back from the work for a day or two.  When you return, ask yourself honestly:  "Am I interfering with the progress of this character/plot/thesis?"  Or, "am I forcing this into something it's not?" 

It can seem risky to relax into a new possibility, but often the results are refreshingly on-target and authentic.