The Relaxed Writer

Think You're Too Lazy? 3 Reasons Why I Don't Buy It (Not One Bit.)

by Marla Beck, MFA, CTACC

Recently I coached several mom writers who decided that they were too lazy to achieve their writing goals.  When I heard their stories and harsh self-judgments, it really broke my heart.  I wasn't convinced they were "lazy" at all.  And I'm not convinced you are, either. 

If you're prone to feeling like a Lazy Writer, please read on.  Here are 3 practical tips to get you out of your rut and into action. 

1.  "I can't get up early to write." 

 Can someone please tell me who decided that the only best time to write is early in the morning?  

Don't get me wrong:  personally, I'm a chirpy morning person who loves to get up at 5am to meditate, stretch and "be" before the day begins.  (Of course, by 9pm I'm not much of a conversationalist, but that's another story.) 

We're not all made the same. And early risers don't get dibs on writerly productivity. 

I may sound flip here, but I do mean it sincerely.  If you aren't someone who gets up early to write, and you feel like the reason why is because you're "lazy," please S-T-O-P. 

Sounds like your body has a natural rhythm that differs from the go-go-go norms of our society.

And that's OK. 

What matters is that you release the need to be anything other than you are.  (That bears repeating:  Release the need to be anything other than you are.)

What matters is that you stop draining your energy with self-rebuke and start focusing instead on finding writing and productivity solutions that work for YOU.  

Remember those mom writers?  Once I helped them to reframe their dilemma ("I really want to write, but I'm not getting up early enough to do it") and let go of expecting themselves to be different…we were able to make real, tangible progress. Today, they're showing up regularly to work on book-length writing projects -- a far cry from where we began! 

If you think you can't be a writer because the early hours don't work for you, think again and follow these writers' leads.  By letting go of "lazy" and starting to accept themselves just as they are…

They freed up more energy to write, and they starting doing their work when it worked for them.

They tracked their progress and discovered their own best productivity practices.

They're writing their books.

You can just imagine how much happier they are.  All because they became willing to let go of "lazy."

2.  "I blew off the whole week."

 Let me tell you something: we often pressure ourselves to produce, produce, produce.  (I know I can fall into this quite easily. And when I do, it doesn't serve me well.)

When a client comes to our coaching call with the report that he blew off an entire week and spent it being "lazy," I hear that as an important signal.  (Not as a truth.)

Because here's the deal:

Sometimes we get out of our own way long enough to dig in and really attack our goals.  We work longer than we'd planned.  We add in extra writing sessions and start to burn ourselves out.

Then our Inner Rebel, that stabilizing force inside of us that wants to regulate our energy, does it's job and….well, it rebels.

So we space out online.

Get suddenly obsessed with media, trolling for back issues or episodes or new releases.

We may even blow off our exercise routines, household chores, etc.

If you think you're "too lazy" to pursue your writing goals because you had an off-week (or an off-month), I'm not buying it.

Get back in balance by acknowledging and honoring your need for rest and play.   Your "laziness" is just a signal to rebalance your energy and your life.

3.  "I'll never do it - I haven't so far…I'm just lazy."

 Well hello there, smokescreen.

 If you're novel's still not finished, your business isn't launched or your freelance career still isn't on track after years of yearning and wishing it were so…

Guess what?  I'm not buying it. That kind of reasoning is like saying to yourself, "I'll never lose the extra pounds because it hasn't happened yet."

(Huh?)

If you are willing to take action to achieve your personal, life and business goals, you're going to have to get a bit uncomfortable.

When you to take a new risk and dare to say YES! to your dreams, you may challenge your comfort zones when it comes to:

- cash (sometimes)
- self-confidence (often)
- saying "no" to other things
- standing up for what you believe in

(Personally, I think that when we're learning new things, getting more clear about our commitments to ourselves and others, and daring to stand up more for what we believe in, that's an easy & wonderful recipe for happiness.  But, I digress.)

Given the scary and unknown future, it's no wonder we often choose to stay comfortable by keeping things just the way they are.

If you choose to continue calling yourself lazy, you don't have to do anything but nurse the same old story, and let years go by without truly living your life or going for what matters most to you.

It's tough to remember sometimes, but we always have a choice. 

 What will you choose today?  To stay stuck by labeling yourself "lazy?"  Or to side-step your excuses by learning to address your "I'm lazy" habit head-on?

I'm rooting for you!

Dealing with Pushback When You Choose to Write

by Marla Beck, MFA, CTACC

Are you keeping yourself small to keep others comfortable?  It takes guts to write when you know it'll make people around you uncomfortable.  Click PLAY for practical tips and inspiration to help you deal with pushback from people you love.

 

Have you ever lost a few pounds or made another exciting life change, only to find that one of your friends simply can't deal with the New You? 

Perhaps she can't restrain herself from making underhanded comments or offering you dark-chocolate fudge -- even after you've clearly said "No thanks." 

Perhaps she gets so upset she can't talk to you any more. 

Sometimes we keep ourselves stuck because it makes others around us more comfortable.  It can be easier to carry a few pounds than to risk upsetting our friends or family.  It can be easier to bury our need to write under endless to-do lists and obligations than to take time from family to honor our talent and write. 

I get it. 

Recently I've come to terms with the fact that I've been holding myself back as a musician in order to not disturb my household.  My 5-year-old certainly doesn't like it when I divert my attention to the guitar (unless I'm playing exactly the song she wants to hear and sing along to)! 

And my wonderful husband -- who loves and supports me in so many ways, has often gotten uncomfortable when I've practiced music in the house.  It's hard for him not to clap and sing along when I practice.  And he wishes my technique were more flashy, my songs more rhythmic.  

Although he really wants me to flourish, when I practice in the house, my husband's forced to contend with his own feelings about wanting to learn an instrument and (so far) not logging in the time he needs to get better.  When I choose to make music in the house, he's forced to face his own desire to perform and the fact that (for right now) he's not choosing to move himself any closer to his goal. 

In response, I've been avoiding my music. I convinced myself that I was just postponing my art until the time was "right."  Which means that for the past 8 years, I've avoided being fully "me" in life:  deeply expressive. Musically sassy, sometimes.  And super happy!  

A few months ago, I decided to change the situation. 

I rented a beautiful new office near my house, and created a small, private studio space within for my keyboard, voice, flute and guitar.  

(Now whenever I show up to work, I also sing.) 

I took action and invested in my art.  Now I have the privacy I need to try out new musical ideas and to play as unrhythmically as I want.  :) 

And know what's happened as a result? 

My husband took me out for my 45th birthday recently.  At my request, we enjoyed a night of Indian food and jazz. 

And wouldn't you know that before the night was through, my lovely husband told one of the musicians about my interest in singing.  And before we left, I got his card so we could set up a time for vocal coaching. 

The moral of the story is this: 

If you're not free to write as you wish, the responsibility to change the situation is on you. 

Sometimes, like the friend who's envious of her newly-thin girlfriend, we may lose a friend. 

But more often than not, we can find a way to do our own creative work within the very life we have. 

    Perhaps you need to get to the library more often.

    Perhaps you need to set up a writing date with a friend.

    Perhaps you need to tolerate a few weeks of grumpy-partner syndrome as your spouse     gets used to your new writing hours. 

Whatever change you need to make, please follow my lead and dare to make it.

Because the people who love us are the ones who truly want to see us happy.  They may even feel inspired by your example, and more empowered to take action to pursue their own dreams. 

In fact, you should have seen the smile on my husband's face when he got back from comedy improv class the other night. He plans to go back again, and I can't wait to see him perform.

Write During the Holidays - Tip #1: Gift Yourself

No doubt you've noticed that there's a lot competing for your attention this time of year.

Sparkly window displays.  Expectations. Scores of red and green discount coupons.

Amidst the hustle and fun, how do you stay on track with your writing projects? 

Join me for "Write During the Holidays" - a 3-part series designed to help you stay on track with your writing (even if you're busy shopping for sweaters). 

Read on for Tip #1:  Gift Yourself.

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Get Your Writing Done During the Holidays Tip #1:  Gift Yourself

The holidays are a natural time to focus on others.  But what about you?  Specifically....what about your own writing dreams and career plans?

You serve others better when you're actively honing our talents and working at your craft. 

Get used to the idea that it's okay to devote time to your writing.  Not only "okay," but beneficial to everyone in your life.

An way to get to the writing desk more easily is to do the work you love and reinforce the benefits you experience whenever you invest your time into writing.

Try this simple exercise.  Before, during and after your writing sessions, remind yourself:

• "A fulfilled writer is a better parent."

• "A fulfilled writer is a better friend /significant other."

• "A fulfilled writer is a better boss/employee/freelance business owner."

• "A fulfilled and writer is a happier person."

A happier you is the ultimate holiday gift, wouldn't you say?

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What do you think?  Leave your comments below. And please stay tuned later this week more holiday tips for writers. 

In the meantime, consider joining me and a group of excited, hopeful and ready-to-work writers for four days of training calls & two days of private and group coaching in December.

Join "Two Days to Write" and you can pick up some seriously useful writing, productivity and mindset strategies to use long after your two-day intensive is over.  You can learn more and register here:  http://www.twodaystowrite.com.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ask the Writing Coach: Should I Take My Computer on Vacation?

photo credit:  Marla Beck

Catherine, a freelance writer, asks, "I leave town for two weeks tomorrow and I'm debating:  should I pack the laptop?  How do I decide if I should take my computer on vacation?"

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You're not alone, Catherine. Many writers have asked me this same question, most of them expecting to hear a clear and "life-coachy" directive: 

"Of course not!  Leave the computer at home."

Alas, it's not so simple. There's no one-size-fits-all "take the computer or not" answer for everyone. As you decide what's right for you, today I offer you a few case studies to consider-- real-life examples from my coaching practice. 

Just Say No.  (Ronnie's Opportunity)

Meet Ronnie.

In the past two months, Ronnie's made major strides in creating clear boundaries between his freelancing work and his personal life. He says he's much happier and energized about his work these days. He feels like he has more control over his time, too.  When Ronnie's working, he's really working.   When he's not, he's completely off-duty -- no laptop in sight.  Ronnie reports that his partner really appreciates his newfound ability to be more present when he's at home, and he loves the newfound peace-of-mind he's found.

But Ronnie's vacation last month posed an interesting opportunity: would he stick to his new habits and dare to be truly offline while vacationing...for an entire week?  Or would he tuck his laptop in his luggage, just to check in?

I challenged Ronnie to honor his own time boundaries. I dared him to leave the computer at home.

Choosing a computer-free vacation required Ronnie to work a bit harder before he left town. His decision also required Ronnie to act on faith.  He had to trust that he'd "done enough" before leaving town.  He had to trust that new assignments and opportunities would be readily available to him once he returned.  

When Ronnie returned to his writing desk a week later, he was slightly more tanned and chock full of  new story ideas. "I left my computer behind...I did it!" he told me during our next coaching call.  He sounded pleased.

Ronnie left his work at home, and by traveling laptop-free, he'd taken a courageous stand to respect his own time and boundaries. 

"I wouldn't have done it any other way," he said.

 Don't Leave Home Without It. (Kelly's Opportunity)

Kelly's situation was a bit different.  A writer and busy mom, she used our coaching structure to help her  create the extra time she needed to develop a long-term book project. She gained momentum quickly and loved her work.  Until late May, that is.  This year, the end-of-school-year hustle derailed her writing progress for an entire three weeks.

A few weeks after the schoolyear ended, Kelly readied her family for a two-week vacation. "I should leave the laptop at home, right?  And not work on the book?" she asked.  She seemed hesitant.  A tiny bit guilty.

Kelly was working on an independent project she loved.  In her case, traveling with some of her research and her laptop was an act of self-care.  It took courage for her to admit that, "for me, writing is 'resting.'  I'm a writer and I love my work!"   But she did it.

Kelly returned from her vacation quite pleased.  She packed her laptop and didn't work on the book every day -- she wasn't expecting herself to in the first place.  She did manage to move her project forward though, and by investing just a few joyful and productive hours in her project, she regained much of the momentum she'd lost at the end of the school year.  Better yet, she felt great!

If you're like Kelly, I encourage you to own your own version of what it means to rest and relax.  Don't just blindly accept society's definitions.  If you find that working on your independent writing project is restorative and joyful, go for it.  Pack your laptop and enjoy some no-pressure writing sessions. 

Allow yourself to be true to you, regardless of how well you match social expectations.

Keep It Simple. (Melissa's Opportunity)

This week Melissa, a hard-working freelancer in the midst of an exciting career breakthrough, mentioned her well-deserved vaction during our call.  "We leave tomorrow morning," she said, "and I'm trying to decide if I need to take the laptop..."

"Here we go," I thought.

Remember that in Ronnie's case, saying no was an act of courage and integrity?

Remember that in Kelly's case, saying yes was an act of courage and integrity?

Well, Melissa's case was a bit different. Melissa's decision wasn't about taking a stand or owning her true nature. She just needed to think through a few logistics:  did she really need her laptop? 

After thinking things through carefully, Melissa realized that she needed access to much less info than she'd first thought. If the art department called her cellphone with a truly urgent caption question (her worst-case scenario), she realized she needed to be able to access her Dropbox, not her entire hard drive. 

She planned to upload a few documents to the cloud this afternoon. 

When she boards the plane tomorrow, Melissa will be travelling light:  no laptop.  No paperwork. No anxiety.  She's well-prepared to respond, if needed.

What'll It Be?  (Here's Your Opportunity)

So...what'll it be?  Did you relate to any of the writers I highlighted in today's post?  

As you pack your bags and decide for yourself whether the laptop stays or goes, I hope you'll also take a moment to make this simple decision: "I'm going to have a great trip."

Tuck a clear intention in your pocket and do everything you can to leave town feeling happy and relaxed.

Laptop or not, I hope you enjoy your vacation, Catherine.  If you write for a living, I've no doubt that you deserve it!

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P.S. - About Today's Photo...

I took the picture above while visiting Mt. Lassen last week with my family.

If you'd like to see a few more snaps from our trip through Northern California and Oregon, I'm posting a few more pics over on my Facebook Fan Page.  Click here to check 'em out and join us!

 

 

 

 

 

 

2 Keys to Freelance Happiness (and a Free Teleclass for Writers)

I'm on a mission to help you become a relaxed, productive and downright *happy* writer!

And in my six years' experience coaching successful freelancers, 
I've learned two important keys to freelance writer happiness:

1. You're pursuing meaningful projects, whether as a bread-and-butter gig or side project;
2. You're using strategic tools and systems to streamline your business, clarify your priorities and get both your paid and your personal writing done.

This Wednesday, I'll be teaching a popular, info-packed teleclass designed to help you create more balance, happiness & success with your freelance writing business.

Will you join me?

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FREE TELECLASS FOR WRITERS -

"5 Steps to Balance, Bliss and a Booming Writing Business"
Wednesday, March 9 at 9am PT / 12 noon ET

Click here to learn more & register:
http://www.coachmarla.com/teleclass.html

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In this free, one-hour teleclass you'll discover:

• how to harness more time, focus and energy for the important "big picture" projects you keep putting off (marketing plan, query writing, book proposal, anyone?)

• three essential business practices to boost your productivity and your bottom line

• how to take control of your business so you can devote more of your time and talents to doing what makes you happiest

I'll share with you simple, easy-to-implement tips you can begin using right away to become a happier, more successful freelancer.  Best of all, I suspect you'll even have a little fun!

If this class sounds like a good fit for you, I look forward to seeing you on Wednesday.

warmly,

Coach Marla

Are You Writing What Matters Most?

We writers are lucky folk.

Isn't it cool that people are willing to pay us to:

• research and report news stories,
• market goods or services,
• explain or share technical knowledge or other kinds of know-how?

I'll bet you've also noticed how handy your writing talents are your civic and personal life, as you use your gifts to: 

• express gratitude or appreciation,
• publicize organizations or events you care about, or
• write letters on behalf of causes you believe in?

Alone at the writing desk, you may find your creative writing project especially fulfilling.  You may write because you:

• simply love the tools, the craft, the process,
  
• feel you have something you absolutely must say, or
• you're one of those blessed folks who simply cannot not write. 
  

Your expressive talents are marketable, adaptable and deeply needed by the world.  As a writer you have so many opportunities to use your gifts!

Amidst so many options, it takes real intention to show up for your own work, doesn't it?

Why Your Own Work Matters

If there's one thing I've learned from surviving cancer twice in my 20s, it's that life is short and the time to do what really matters isn't later.  It's now, now, now.

• Because your words have the potential to steal the hearts and days of an engaged reader.

• Because "everybody is talented, original and has something important to say," (Brenda Ueland, If You Want to Write, Greywolf Press, 1987).

• Because when you write what matters most, you're more patient at home, at the gym, on the road and in the grocery store.

• Because when you show up for your real writing work, you're happier and you model for your friends and kids what it's like to be a working artist (empowering them to do the same).

• Because when you make time to write what matters most to you, you spark that otherworldy light behind your eyes, that delicious glow you notice when you look in the mirror or see reflected back in the smile of someone who really knows and supports you, that joyful inner radiance that says, wordlessly: 
  

"I'm choosing to live in integrity today."

"I'm alive.  (Truly.)" 

"I use my life and talent to do what matters most."

Are you making time to express your gifts in ways that truly matter? 

Do you show up each week to write what matters MOST?

Try This: 

Let's call this little exercise "Drop and Give Me Ten." 

First:  Set a timer, fire up your word processor or get out a notebook and explore "writing that matters most" in a 10 minute (or more) freewriting session.

When you've finished, take a moment to share your insights & ideas with us by leaving a comment, below.  I can't wait to hear what matters most to you.

Image Credit:  gutter (flickr.com)

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Five Keys to Making More Time to Write | Part 5

Meet Tad, a 40-year-old novelist. 

Tad wants to make more time to finish his manuscript.  He sets a target date.  He decides to discipline himself to write every day--a lot--until the novel is finished. 

Period.   

Tad experiences some early successes but soon "life" starts to interfere with his writing.  The laundry piles up.  He has to attend his girlfriend's cousin's wedding.  A friend comes to visit from out of town and stays three days.

Tad tries to regain his momentum after these setbacks, but he never quite succeeds.  His mood dims.  And after a few off-track weeks, discouragement sets in. 

"I'll never finish the novel," he tells himself. 

"I've failed, yet again."

* * *

Key #5 to Making More Time to Write:  Settle for nothing less than a writing schedule that works.

Tad created a simple writing schedule for himself.  He knew what his goal was, and he decided he had to hustle to attain it. 

But Tad's simple plan didn't work.  Here's why.

[Continued...]

image credit:  TonytheMisfit (flickr)

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Five Keys to Making More Time to Write | Part 3

Back in Lesson One, we looked at how your beliefs and thoughts can compromise your ability to make more time to write. 

Remember:

• You won't be able to protect your writing time against distractions until you believe that the act of "writing" itself is valid and valuable.  

• You won't be able focus and use the writing time you do have until you believe that your project is important and worth pursuing.

Realizing the relationship between what you think and what you do with your time is a terrific first step.

But to move your writing life forward, you've got to begin responding to self-doubt differently.   Here is a three-step model to help you do just that.   

[Cont'd.]

image credit: theogeo (Flickr)

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Web Reads for Writers: Time Tips and Creative Juice for Poets, Fiction Writers

Today, a quick list of great web reads for writers on managing your time and juicing up your poetry or fiction.  First though, some info about recent posts you've seen here on The Relaxed Writer.

"Making More Time to Write" e-course

For the next three days, you'll be seeing more excerpts from my new time management e-course for writers, "Making More Time to Write."  

As a busy mom and solo entrepreneur, I know just how danged difficult it can be to make realistic plans (and follow through) with personal writing projects.  As a life coach for writers, I know that change--sustainable, productive change--really can happen.  And that one of the very best ways to start is by revamping the ways we think about "time" and "writing." That's where the e-course comes in.

I've created five brief email lessons to help you focus on YOUR OWN writing and to inspire you to think differently about your time and your writing.  So. This little email course is kind of like a work-week's full of free coaching from me. 

You're seeing e-course excerpts here on the blog for two reasons. Obviously, if you haven't already, I'm inviting you to join in and sign up. Secondly, each lesson features a brief interactive exercise.  Posting intentions and plans online is one way to participate, and the posts provide a "place" for folks to do just that.

So there ya go.  To learn more about "Making More Time to Write," visit the e-course webpage on CoachMarla.com.  Or, click here and send a blank email to get started.  You'll get five daily time management lessons and a complimentary subscription to "The Relaxed Writer" ezine, featuring coaching news and discounts not available here on the blog.

* * *

Now for the Web Reads

>>A Dose of Time Management Mojo

Read time management interviews and tips, including an awesome quick time tip and my "How to Make the Most of an Off-Track Week" guest post, over at Make a Scene. 

>>A Shot of Poetic Inspiration

Listen to a free, two-hour poetry workshop led by Sage Cohen by clicking over to Writing The Life Poetic.

>>A Thought-Provoking Tool for Plotting Your Fiction

Explore "Hamlet = Cinderella.  Graphing Stories with Vonnegut," over on LiveWires.

Let me know what you think.  -Marla

image credit:  Drustar (Flickr)

Connect with Me on Twitter:  @MarlaBeck

Five Keys to Making More Time to Write | Part 2

Imagine for a moment that you're an archer in a once-in-a-lifetime competition.  You're going to be very, very rich if you manage to hit the bull's-eye on your next attempt.

photo credit:  Nchoz (flickr)

Take a deep breath. 

Now watch yourself heave the bow into position. Draw your arm back, release the bow and shoot the arrow. 

Now walk up to the target. Did you hit a bull's-eye?    [Continued...]

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Five Keys to Making More Time to Write | Part 1

You know that sense of possibility that comes with buying a new planner, scheduling software, or other time management system?

It's easy to think that an outside tool will tame your schedule and manage your time.  But think for a moment.  A calendar or schedule is a repository:  a place to record intentions about how you'd like to use your time. 

The real art of time management takes place long before you ink "writing worksession" onto your calendar. The real art of making more time to write begins from within.

[Continued...]

image credit:  Brenda-Starr~ (flickr)

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