The Relaxed Writer

Dealing with Pushback When You Choose to Write

by Marla Beck, MFA, CTACC

Are you keeping yourself small to keep others comfortable?  It takes guts to write when you know it'll make people around you uncomfortable.  Click PLAY for practical tips and inspiration to help you deal with pushback from people you love.

 

Have you ever lost a few pounds or made another exciting life change, only to find that one of your friends simply can't deal with the New You? 

Perhaps she can't restrain herself from making underhanded comments or offering you dark-chocolate fudge -- even after you've clearly said "No thanks." 

Perhaps she gets so upset she can't talk to you any more. 

Sometimes we keep ourselves stuck because it makes others around us more comfortable.  It can be easier to carry a few pounds than to risk upsetting our friends or family.  It can be easier to bury our need to write under endless to-do lists and obligations than to take time from family to honor our talent and write. 

I get it. 

Recently I've come to terms with the fact that I've been holding myself back as a musician in order to not disturb my household.  My 5-year-old certainly doesn't like it when I divert my attention to the guitar (unless I'm playing exactly the song she wants to hear and sing along to)! 

And my wonderful husband -- who loves and supports me in so many ways, has often gotten uncomfortable when I've practiced music in the house.  It's hard for him not to clap and sing along when I practice.  And he wishes my technique were more flashy, my songs more rhythmic.  

Although he really wants me to flourish, when I practice in the house, my husband's forced to contend with his own feelings about wanting to learn an instrument and (so far) not logging in the time he needs to get better.  When I choose to make music in the house, he's forced to face his own desire to perform and the fact that (for right now) he's not choosing to move himself any closer to his goal. 

In response, I've been avoiding my music. I convinced myself that I was just postponing my art until the time was "right."  Which means that for the past 8 years, I've avoided being fully "me" in life:  deeply expressive. Musically sassy, sometimes.  And super happy!  

A few months ago, I decided to change the situation. 

I rented a beautiful new office near my house, and created a small, private studio space within for my keyboard, voice, flute and guitar.  

(Now whenever I show up to work, I also sing.) 

I took action and invested in my art.  Now I have the privacy I need to try out new musical ideas and to play as unrhythmically as I want.  :) 

And know what's happened as a result? 

My husband took me out for my 45th birthday recently.  At my request, we enjoyed a night of Indian food and jazz. 

And wouldn't you know that before the night was through, my lovely husband told one of the musicians about my interest in singing.  And before we left, I got his card so we could set up a time for vocal coaching. 

The moral of the story is this: 

If you're not free to write as you wish, the responsibility to change the situation is on you. 

Sometimes, like the friend who's envious of her newly-thin girlfriend, we may lose a friend. 

But more often than not, we can find a way to do our own creative work within the very life we have. 

    Perhaps you need to get to the library more often.

    Perhaps you need to set up a writing date with a friend.

    Perhaps you need to tolerate a few weeks of grumpy-partner syndrome as your spouse     gets used to your new writing hours. 

Whatever change you need to make, please follow my lead and dare to make it.

Because the people who love us are the ones who truly want to see us happy.  They may even feel inspired by your example, and more empowered to take action to pursue their own dreams. 

In fact, you should have seen the smile on my husband's face when he got back from comedy improv class the other night. He plans to go back again, and I can't wait to see him perform.

How to Grocery Shop (and Love It!)

I'll bet that sometime this week you'll find yourself in the checkout line of your local grocery store. (Yep, even writers need to eat.)

So…how can you stimulate your creativity and stay connected to your writing life as you navigate life's mundane responsibilities?

Here are a couple of tips to get you started.

 

Appreciate.

Years ago I called a nearby Benedictine nunnery and asked to stay with them for a week-long writing retreat. I lived alone for a week in a sparsely furnished room. The grounds were cultivated, the food unmemorable, and my sense of the place was monochromatic somehow, as if everything was washed in a diluted, chestnut stain.

On the way home, I decided I'd stop into a Seven-Eleven for a tuna sandwich.

I got out of my car and walked into the store. The door swung closed behind me and I remember standing at the threshold, dumbstruck.

The store lights were garish and just past the cashier was a plexiglass-covered cooker with sumo-sized sausages spinning slowly round and round. I looked to the left and saw a shelf with endless -- endless! -- varieties of nuts. Above my head, slick banners saturated with intense reds and greens swung in the draft of the air conditioner.

I got the tuna sandwich. But I lost some of my appetite that day.

I realized I wanted to live more simply.

And that we truly have SO MUCH.

(If you've traveled outside the country and returned, I know you can relate to this story.)

Love It! Tip #1:

The next time you find yourself at the grocery store, go down the cereal aisles and try to see the shelves with fresh eyes. Notice how abundant your world is, and how nearly obscene it is that we have so many tastes and textures, boxes and brands to choose from.

As you add an item to your basket, set the intention that you'll use the food or product to create good. Say a small "thank you" inside.

You can transform the mundane task of shopping into a practice of gratitude, an instant mood-lifter.

But beyond feeling good, the practice of gratitude can help you perceive and receive more wonderfulness in your life and writing. The next time you come up with an enticing creative idea, see a fascinating cloud formation or notice someone doing good for someone else, say a simple "thank you." Repeat often.

When you practice relating to the world with thankfulness, you stoke your creativity and set yourself up for perceiving -- and receiving -- more insights, creative ideas and abundance in your life… and your writing.

Try it and see.

 

Notice.

Part of writing well is being truthful and responsive. To perceive right action on the page and be able to respond to your insights takes agility and awareness. And there's no better place to cultivate your ability to see clearly than observing yourself out in the "real" world.

Take your trip to the grocery store, for example.

As you cruise the aisles, watch how you react to other people as you shop.

Do you fully engage with the deli clerk? Or simply state your order curtly?

How do you respond when someone crowds you out of the potato section? Cuts in front of you in line? Do you hold on to your anger or eventually bless the person and let them go?

Do you tell the cashier when she forgets to ring up the almost-empty coffee in your hand?

Lots of us try to enlighten ourselves with meditation or other personal development practices. But if you're not trying to practice what you're learning out in the real world --- away from the mat, as my meditation teacher likes to say -- then you're missing the whole point.

Love It! Tip #2:

If you aspire to practicing kindness, patience and honesty when you're being "spiritual," use your outing to the grocery store to practice being all these good things out in the world, too. That process -- of watching your reactions and aligning them more closely to your ideals -- correlates directly to the practice of being truthful and responsive when you write. Cultivate discernment as you write. Use your weekly trip to the grocery store to practice the art of listening in the real world, too.

 

Smile.

There's also room for fun.

If you go to the market on a weekly basis, you'll start to see familiar faces behind the register. Sometimes, before the clerk has a chance to ask how I'm doing, I ask how their day is going. It's interesting to watch people's reactions. Sometimes I get a cynical "what's it to you, lady?" look, but more often than not I see the man or woman behind the name tag straighten their backs and smile as they tell me about their day.

The next time I come in, we have a little relationship to build on. Suddenly the world seems a little warmer and welcoming as a result.

There are lots of opportunities to smile at the market. If you don't feel like talking much, then don't. Just watch the people in line. Or spend extra time in the chocolate aisle to marvel at the wrappers and colors. Linger for a moment at the candle section to check out the scents, or hang out in the gadgets aisle to check out the action on the new tongs or garlic press. (Hey, to each his own.)

The point is, you're spending your time at the market. A brief slice of your life at the market.

Bring your humanity with you and find something to delight in when you shop. When you practice being more fully alive wherever you go, you'll have even more of yourself to draw from when you sit back down to write.

In Praise of Crooked Paths

Was it John Lennon who once said that "life is what happens to us while we're making other plans?" 

Back in high school, I envied my friends (aspiring doctors, most of 'em) who knew exactly what they wanted to pursue after graduation.  Over time, I've watched them make incremental, beautifully linear progress to realize these dreams.

My own path's been a bit more crooked. At times I often wished for more clarity ("Now, please!") but looking back now, I'm really grateful for the way things turned out.

Has your writing path been "less-than-linear?"  I'd love to hear about your journey. 

Here's a bit of my own story...

* * *

At 23 I left a broadcasting job at a small NPR affiliate in Harrisonburg, Virginia to move to Washington, DC.  I'd discovered  photography as a college senior, and I wanted to learn more and develop my craft in an urban environment.

I got a job waiting tables and informally apprenticed myself to two friends:  one, a syndicate photo editor, the other, a freelance photojournalist.  I tagged along with them, following them around the D.C. streets as they documented news events (the Million Man march, various protests) and street life.  It wasn't long before I enrolled in fine-art photography classes at the Corcoran School of Art.  My plan?  To  apply to photography MFA programs as soon as my portfolio was competitive.

Then I got Hodgkin's lymphoma. 

While I was blessed with a positive prognosis, major abdominal surgery followed by weeks of weekday radiation treatments kept me clinic-bound and house-bound for half a year.  I continued to study photography, but my progress definitely slowed.  (Damn, cancer was inconvenient!)

After my treatments ended, a friend and I celebrated my recovery with a road trip.  Armed with a small inheritance and a decent set of whells, we took three months to drive across the Trans-Canadian Highway, down the Pacific Coast and deep into the central plains Mexico, where my father was based at the time.  I kept a visual journal and returned from that trip with ninety rolls of film.

Not long after we returned, I learned my Hodgkin's had returned.

My second bout with cancer was more intense.  For six months I was so sick from the chemo that I had to learn to conserve my energy between treatments.  Photography classes and lab time were no longer an option for me.  Creative writing was, though.

Tucked into my two-bedroom, ground floor apartment, I discovered Neruda and Rich, Forche and Ammons.  As my poetry library grew, I began taking writing workshops and literature classes at George Mason University. I wrote and wrote and wrote.

A year-and-a-half after my second diagnosis, I was able -- at last -- to apply to an MFA program.  I'm incredibly grateful for the time I spent practicing writing and learning to critique my own and others' work. I loved learning about poetic form and took to literary theory like ink to a page.  I probably realized it somewhat at the time, but now I see clearly just how lucky I was to study poetry at George Mason!  The MFA program gave me a strong foundation for a lifetime of reading and writing.

Sometimes I'm still surprised that my MFA was in poetry, not photography.  If there's one thing my cancer experience taught me, it's that the time to do what matters most isn't later.  It's n-o-w. 

* * *

Are You Doing What Matters Most?

I hope you won't wait for a life-changing event to get you to think about the "big picture" in your creative life.  Consider:

• What are you doing to realize your creative dreams?  Are you doing it on a regular basis?
• If you are trading your talent for money, are you also honoring your creative gifts by working on your own projects?
• Are you getting your work out there in ways you're proud of?     

 

Your Turn

Did you always know you wanted to be a writer, or did you travel a more crooked path (like me)?

Whether you freelance, parent or work another gig during the day, are you still finding time to write what matters most?  What questions do you have on this topic?  And what tricks & tips work for you?

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Life Coaching for Writers

If you're ready for change, my coaching can help you transform your writing life.   Email, call or Tweet me for details.

3 Ways to Recharge Your Writing Dream

[If you're looking for "Never Shoot a Sunset," the third and final post in my Writing Lessons from Photographers series, you'll find it here early next week.  In the meantime, stick around and meet Annabelle - oh, and let me share with you some awesome ways to recharge your writing dream.]

In the past few months it seems I've become a personal lullaby jukebox.

Before snuggling down to sleep, my three-year-old daughter, Annabelle, asks me to sing two, three or five of her favorite songs, often specifying song order and volume.

Lately Annabelle has been keeping things simpler though. Her only request has been that I sing "Over the Rainbow" - again and again and again. She often murmurs lovely questions as she listens.

"Mommy?  Why can't I fly over the rainbow?"

"'What's 'whyohwhyohwhy'?"

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Yeah, I know. Rainbows.  Lullabies.  I realize I'm at risk of being schmaltzy here. 

But I do have a point, writers, and I think it's one worth making in all of the colors, as big as the sky.  

Who says you can't still go for a really big dream?  Figuratively speaking, why can't you fly over rainbows?

Because at some point in your writing life, you knew exactly what you wanted. 

• You got up early to write every day.
• You drafted your first chapters with optimism, hope and energy.
• You launched your freelance business intending to make damn good money, thank you very much. 

Now is the perfect time to discover if your writing dream is still colorful and vibrant or perhaps a bit faded at the edges. Read on for three ways to recharge your writing dream.

#1.  Step Back. 

The only way to see your dream all at once is to step back (waaaay back) from your daily work and writing.  To recapture the vividness and color of your writing vision, get out of your daily routine and take time to look at the bigger picture.  What does your writing goal really look like?

Clarifying your goals offers you two shifts in perspective.

• First you're able to make out the overall shape and contours of your dream.
• Then you're able to add color, texture and details.

If you have a chance,take an hour this weekend and freewrite at a local library or cafe.  Enjoy your mini-escape and do some daydreaming.  Then define your dream as vividly as you can: 

• what you want to achieve,
• why it matters to you, and
• what your writing life looks like on a daily basis.

#2.  Build Up Your Belief.

Do you believe it's really possible to write what matters most? 

To work productively and passionately, you've got to spark and nurture belief in your project.  Create time each day to build your belief that you really can do it. Read inspirational books, blogs and interviews.  But don't forget that the most inspiring, belief-building thing you can do is to sit down and actually get to work on your project.  Write.

#3.  Choose Your Best Supports.

Recharge your writing dream by seeking out people who actively value and support your ambitions. Proactively decide who will be the best supports for you.

• Will you hire a coach to keep you accountable, help you gain momentum and teach you to manage your work habits, projects or attitudes more efficiently?  (Clients who hire me often see major transformations in these areas in as little as two months). 
• Will you lock a trusted friend into bi-weekly writing dates (live or virtual), accountability check-ins or cheering sessions? 
• Will you push yourself to meet a writing contest deadline, no matter what?

The writing life can be solitary, but it need not be lonely.  Trust yourself to create the best community you can to support your work. 

And get busy recharging your precious writing dream!

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Overwhelmed freelancer?   If so, I've designed a free, one-hour teleclass just for you! 

Learn more and register the class here:  http://www.CoachMarla.com/teleclass.html

Calibrate Your Writing Life

Vision without action is a daydream. Action without vision is a nightmare.

-Japanese Proverb

Between "daydream" and "nightmare" dwells the lucid hour:  that state of rightness, receptivity and effortless right action otherwise known as the Flow State.

These late December days provide the perfect opportunity to discover how to best calibrate your writing life in the new year. 

How will you achieve that delicate balance between vision and action? 

Will you:

• Explore, deepen or work on truly owning your visions for your life and writing? 
• Move out of the "perhaps-I'll-do-it-someday" state into concrete habits to support your vision?
• Create a sustainable, effective plan to help you take consistent, smart actions each day?

As a Life Coach for Writers, I'm here to help you create the writing life you're dreaming of.  Tell us what you're working on, and please let me know how I can help you make 2010 your best year yet.

image credit (RickMcCharles-Flickr)

 

 

What's On Your Plate for 2010? (New Year's Roundup)

It's that tasty Monday between the Christmas holiday and the start of the New Year. 

If you're hungry for a few tips to help you get ready for 2010 (not just a new year, but a brand-new decade, as my friend and fellow blogger, Emily Kischell, points out in this LiveWires post), check out this lil' roundup of tips and exercises from last year's Relaxed Writer:

• Figure out what makes you happy
• Organize your goals and define a vision for your writing life
• Treat yourself to an annual review

Laser Coaching for Writers: 60-Minute Strategy Sessions

Many of you asked me for an affordable, powerful (and fun) way to coach with me this past year. 

Today I'm pleased to introduce you to the 60-Minute Strategy Session, a laser coaching session designed to get you on-target, unstuck and well-resourced for 2010.

You can learn more about 60-Minute Strategy Sessions here.

I've set things up so you can enjoy a fantastic rate if you book your session (for December, January or anytime) before Thursday, December 31, 2009.  

Please feel free to email or call me if I can answer any questions, ok?

5 Simple Tips to Beautify Your Life

“The longer I live the more beautiful life becomes. If you foolishly ignore beauty, you will soon find yourself without it. Your life will be impoverished. But if you invest in beauty, it will remain with you all the days of your life.”      -Frank Lloyd Wright

I don't know about you but when someone speaks to me from the vantage point of a life mostly-lived, well...I tend to listen up.

To me, Wright's experience of an increasingly beautiful life is uncommon and inspiring.  He seems to be saying that "beauty" is available to us always, but it's up to us to wake to it, to cultivate it in our lives. 

photo credit: pablo.sanchez (Flickr)

Take a moment to think about your own life and habits.  Ask yourself:

• Have you been deliberately feeding your senses exquisite images and sounds, textures, colors and tastes? 
• Are you regularly decluttering your self-limiting attitudes and habits?  
• Do you give yourself regular time to reflect, process and savor your life's challenges and experiences?
• Do you experience your life a bit more richly, a bit lovelier than you did ten years, three years, thirty days ago? 

The late Thomas Leonard, pioneer of the coaching profession, believed that an optimized home and workspace enhance our ability to realize goals more than we might realize. 

To fine-tune your physical environment, this week I encourage you to consciously invest in beauty.  Take a few small steps to deliberately create a more elegant, inspiring or downright gorgeous place to live and work.

To get you started, here are 5 simple tips to beautify your life.

1. Grab some fresh flowers from the market, or tend and groom the houseplants you already have.
   
2. Cull the notes from your bulletin board, and use some of the newly freed-up space to post a quote, image or tchotchke that delights you. 
3. Reorganize your music collection, and create a playlist of newly rediscovered tunes or artists to play before or during your next writing session.
4. Warm up the lighting in your living or writing space.
5. Treat yourself to an elegant new writing tool.  Buy yourself a new pen or, if you prefer to write on-screen, experiment with a distraction-free writing environment to see how you like it.

You also may also experiment with making a daily "loved moments" list before bed.  To keep this exercise quick and simple, compress each impression into 1-3 sentences (or just an evocative phrase).  If you note even one loved moment a day, in a month you'll have a collection of notes to remind you of the beauty suffused in your everyday life. 

* * *

I'll end today's post with a personal note--a postcard of sorts.

My two-year-old daughter, Annabelle, has always been a lark (like her mom).

Early in the mornings, my husband has been wrapping our little daughter up head-to-toe in a fluffy down comforter and picking her up to go outside. He opens the front door slowly, and as the damp autumn morning rushes at her face, Annabelle clasps his neck expectantly.  They settle on the topmost step just outside the door, Annabelle cuddled on her dad's lap.

Sometimes I hear Annabelle and her dad through the door as they sit in the starlight, talking about the neighborhood yet-to-wake, listening to the birds and chipmunks, looking at the sky.  Often when I hear the rhythms of their sleepy chatter I stand still.  Enchanted.

(A simple "loved moment" of mine.)  

* * *

Care to share a recent "loved moment" of your own? 

What will you do to beautify your inner or outer environment this week?

Life Coaching Tip for Writers: Do Your Thing

Today I want to introduce you to three folks I've come across lately who seem to be living bravely, from the inside-out.  They're taking risks, owning what they love and "doing their 'thing.'"

Ready to meet a genre-crossing freelancer, a cross-dressing cyclist and a food blogger who's making a meal of misfortune? 

To help you do more of your own 'thing,' I've included a few coaching questions after each mini-profile.  Have fun with this.

Meet "The Productive Muse"

"You may write for a living, but are you really writing?" asks Jenny Cromie, an experienced freelancer, in a recent post on her blog, The Productive Muse.

In "Are You Really Writing Your Own Stories?", Jenny confesses that it has taken her six months to make time and space to get started writing what she really wants:  essays and a memoir.

"It's one thing to write an article about some business topic with quotes from other people," she says.  "But it's quite another to write a story or essay inspired by your own experiences--something that is completely original, and not reported. The kind of writing I'm talking about involves full disclosure, imagination, and an investment of time that may ultimately yield nothing and go nowhere.  There's fear attached to that."

I was inspired by Jenny's spark as she described her decision to finally try writing essays and memoir.

  "...[N]ow I'm writing my own story line," she says.  "Where it will go, I have no idea.  But hopefully, I'll like where it ends up."

Can you relate?

• Are giving voice to your own stories?   If not, is fear getting in your way? 
• If you can relate to Jenny, I dare ya:  this week, try investing just a small slice of writing energy and time into writing more of what you'd love to work on (regardless of its potential yield or commercial viability).

Introducing "Leggs"

"Leggs" is my husband's and my nickname for the guy who inspired this piece, a cross-dressing cyclist who commutes by bike here in Marin County, California.

"Leggs" has long legs. Lean legs. Very, very tan legs. And Leggs has a preference for wearing blowsy micro-minis that really show off his physique. 

When he cycles by, the guy turns heads.

Last week I drove past Leggs as he pedaled up a huge hill.  He was leaning into the incline, his face animated by a big grin.  He seemed to be genuinely enjoying the tough ascent. (I should tell you that I once cycled up that same huge hill.  The expression on my face was, I'm certain, the purest of agonies.)

Why the heck was Leggs smiling?  Because he's in good shape? Sure.  (And how many times must he have had to summit that hill before it became easy for him?)  More than the good workout, though, I believe Leggs was smiling because he's living his life unabashedly doing his own thing. 

Leggs accepts himself.  He wears what makes him happy.  And he tackles very big hills.

• Are you limiting what you write because you're concerned with how your work will be received? 

• What "big hills" have you been avoiding in your writing?  (In your life?)  Are you ready to push yourself?  Would personalized coaching to help you meet the challenge?

Get to Know "Poor Girl Eats Well"

I recently reconnected with an old friend through Facebook.  Turns out she's Poor Girl Eats Well, and she blogs about "how to eat ridiculously well on a minuscule budget."  (This week I'm going to try her "Easiest Blackberries & Cream Popsicles EVER" recipe with berries from the big blackberry bush on our driveway.  Yum.)

I don't think "Poor Girl," a/k/a Kimberly Morales, set out to be "a food writer," but she's gotten attention from CNN.com and regional papers in Sacramento, and her blog readership is loyal and growing.

In Poor Girl's latest post, Kimberly writes:

"I'd hesitated about posting these [blackberry popsicles] because they just look a little strange.  Then I thought: Darnit, there's just not enough periwinkle or lilac-colored food in this world, and that's just a shame."

Kimberly's on a path to success because she writes what she knows.  And she writes in a way that's all hers: she's authentic. Enthusiastic. 

• Are you in touch with your opinions?  Your quirks?  Your passions?  
  
• Are you fully expressing yourself in your writing?  Your life?

Vonnegut on "Doing Your Thing"

I hope this post has inspired you to do a little more of "your own thing" when you write.  I'll leave you with words on the topic from Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.: 

“Don’t trim your sails to every wind, just go ahead and write and see what happens. Don’t look at the market. Don’t look at the bestseller list to see what’s selling. That wouldn’t help anyway. You have to write what you write, or get out of the business.”   

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Life Coaching Tip for Writers: Pay Yourself First

If you've ever read an article on how to save money, you've probably come across this common investment advice: "pay yourself first."

Work, household, family, writing...every day you have an array of "accounts" on which to spend your life energy.  What choices have you been making?  

Are you paying yourself first?

In my life coaching practice, I've found that as writers learn to prioritize their personal well-being, they begin to enjoy more focus and energy when they write.  (Our actions off-the-page affect our efforts  when we write.)

As clients begin to "pay themselves first," their lives become a bit more balanced. They begin to feel more empowered, more optimistic.  On track.  These positive effects creates a sense of momentum and possibility, creating ideal conditions for making further changes.

"Paying yourself first" doesn't have to be time-consuming or complicated, even.  Simply,

1. Choose a self-caring act, and do it every day.
2. Do it mindfully, with explicit intention.  ("Today I am investing in my own well-being.") 

Can 5-10 minutes of intentional self-care really make a difference, you might ask?  Try it for yourself and see. 

Here are a few very simple ideas to get you started.  

• Jot down a quick list of "5 Things I'm Grateful For" 
• Perform a 5-minute round of calisthenics
• Fill a page with notes, quotes or sketches related to your big-picture goals or dreams
• Sit quietly for 5 breaths before logging onto the computer or beginning to read the morning paper
• Straighten the house before bed

photo credit:  electrofantastic

Don't Be Drab: Invigorate Your Writing by Brightening Your Life

"Don't be drab." 

 Thomas J. Leonard, the late pioneer of the life and business coaching professions, said many challenging and wonderful things in the course of his career.  Of all of his quotes, "Don't be drab" is one of my favorites.

Spring is the perfect time to perk up your senses and brighten your life.  What aspects of your life may be a bit dull or "lacking in spirit?"  Your commute home from work?  Your social life?  Your writing habits?  Your work?

Making just a few small changes in your day-to-day experience can infuse your life--and your writing--with more energy, creativity and vitality.

The next post on The Relaxed Writer will feature tips to help you energize and brighten your life. 

In the meantime, I'd love to hear your own thoughts and ideas.  How will you "perk up" your life?

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(photo credit:  "Sunflowerise 2005" by code poet at Flickr.com)

Relaxation 102: List Your Open Loops (GTD)

"Open loops" describe any project or focus that's taking up space in your mind.  David Allen, who coined the term, contends that we drain our energy by subconsciously trying to track and remember all of our next actions.  Can you relate? 

Without a system to capture, store and organize my open loops (for me, this consists of project lists, to-do lists and my calendar), the narrative in my brain tends to sound something like this: 

"Take trash out tonight...gather recycling, too.  Post class reminder on Twitter.  Call mom and check in.  Draft newsletter article and find out: is X is attending the teleclass?  Is my daughter's doctor's appointment this afternoon or next week? Hmmm...where did I put the charger? (Must remember to buy a new one.)  Oh, must remember to congratulate client on his recent publication.  And what was the title of the novel my in-law mentioned?"   

Exhausting to read, isn't it?

While the details may differ, chances are good that you've got your own version of mental chatter.  You can begin to plug the energy drain caused by trying to track it all.  Here's a 10-minute exercise to get you started on Allen's path to Getting Things Done.

Try This Today:

Grab a piece of paper, set a timer for 10 minutes, and list--as quickly as you can--any and every open loop in your personal, professional and creative life.  Put everything down, no matter how trite, long-rang or irrelevant.

Getting your open loops down on paper (and out of your head) will free up mental real estate and energize you.

Bonus:  Put a small tick mark beside each action that would take you two minutes to complete.  Go through the list and do as many of these two-minute actions as you can.

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Keep your list handy and come back for a new post on "Processing Your Inputs," the important second step of Allen's productivity method. 

Until then, gather, name and list your open loops. Enjoy the freedom you'll feel when you've taken this critical first step.

Martin Luther King, Jr. on Taking the First Step

Faith is taking the first step, even when you don't see the whole staircase. -Martin Luther King, Jr.

What first steps beckon to you this year? 

If you've found yourself hesitant to "just begin" a project, manuscript or new life direction, you're not alone.  My coaching clients often seek me out because they became tired of dawdling (sometimes for months or even years) at the base of a staircase who's form they couldn't quite make out clearly from the start.  It was time to get started. 

Moving forward with big goals --taking the first step on the staircase--requires the faith Dr. King speaks of:  trust, belief and confidence. 

A few suggestions for your journey:

• If you're pursuing a dream that really matters to you, trust that you will find the skills, resources and assistance you need along the way.
• Believe that working on something that matters so deeply can only it enrich your life...and potentially the lives of many others.
• Have confidence that focusing on the first step of your project is all you need to do to get started.  It really can be that simple.

Finally, don't worry too about how much of your staircase you can or cannot see.  For today, just lift your foot and plant it on that first step. Begin!

Brenda Ueland on Staying Energized

"Listening is a magnetic and strange thing, a creative force. When we really listen to people there is an alternating current, and this recharges us so that we never get tired of each other. We are constantly being re-created."  - Brenda Ueland

If Ueland is right (I believe she is), consider the possibility that the practice of "really listening" can animate and renew not only your relationship to other people, but also your relationship to:

• your intuition
• your passions
• your craft

How do you know when you're "really listening"?  I'd like to hear your thoughts.

5 Success Strategies for Relaxed Writing

Relaxed Writers understand the apparent paradox that investing energy to create a healthy, full life benefits their writing, too.  Experience more clarity, contentment and productivity by trying out these 5 success strategies for relaxed writing.

1.  Work out and eat well. 
Avoid sugar and refined carbohydrates to sharpen your mind and boost your mental and physical energy.  I know this is a tall order!  If complete avoidance doesn't work for you, experiment with using sugar and refined foods sparingly one day, and see if you notice a difference in how you feel. 

Add in a regular 20 to 30-minute walk, and enjoy a significant boost in energy and alertness.

2.  Shift your state.
Whenever you feel sluggish or stuck, notice what kind of activity you're engaged in, and do the opposite for a predefined period of time.  Some examples:

 - Physically:  Get up from the desk and "take 5."  Stretch your neck, shoulders, back and wrists.  Take a few slow, deep breaths.  Enjoy a crisp cup of water before returning to your desk.

- Mentally:  Refocus on an entirely different task:  stop writing and answer 10 emails.  Shift from researching new markets online to writing a 10-minute freewrite longhand.  It helps to separate writing tasks by type:  administrative, revision, generating/creating, marketing, etc. I'll be expanding on this point further in an upcoming post.

3.  Develop community.
Writing is a solitary act, and it's important to gather a supportive network around you.  Let writing  colleagues know about your goals;  exchange work occasionally.  Life coaching can help you build a supportive network, if this is lacking for you.

4.  Cultivate gratitude.  Express appreciation.
A big factor in relaxed writing is showing up contented.  An easy way to cultivate happiness is to build a gratitude list:  on a sheet of paper or in your mind, list 5-10 things you're truly grateful for, in this moment.

In addition to writing a daily gratitude list, share your gratitude with others often.  Find direct and indirect ways to express your appreciation to others:  with a phone call, email or note;  or with an offer of assistance or an act of kindness.  Practicing gratitude and expressing appreciation are simple, powerful practices that will empower and energize you if you do them regularly.

5.  Create a writing space that works well for you.
Look around at your writing desk for a moment.  Does this space work for you?  Do you have what you need, within reach?  Is the lighting good, the furniture comfortable, the scenery (be it a bulletin board or window) pleasing to you? 

Over time, work to create a pleasing, comfortable and efficient workspace for yourself.  Take small steps, such as putting a new postcard in your notebook or above your desk.  Relaxed writers feel great in their writing space, be it at home or at a local cafe.    

6.  Make fun a priority.
Geez, that sounded serious.  What I meant to say was:  Laugh!  Play!  Do something badly, just because you can!

Consciously making space for fun benefits you in many ways.

Time spent goofing off enables you to not take yourself so seriously.  A hobby or diversion pursued "just because" takes the pressure off:  no need to be good or perfect or excellent. "Fun" also often takes us to places we wouldn't otherwise frequent...an uncommon street; a different kind of neighborhood;  a store or landscape that's familiar or foreign; a brand-new mindset.  New environments and open relaxed mind states make great ground for relaxed writing.

 

FreshStart '09 - Knowing What You Don't Want

FreshStart '09?  Sounds great.  But how to get there?

Give me 10 minutes of your time, and I'll show you a fun exercise to trick yourself into articulating what you really want, more clearly than ever before.  Michael Losier calls this exercise "Clarity Through Contrast." 

Here's how it works.

---
1.  Take a sheet of clean paper and draw a vertical line down the middle to create two columns.
2.  Label the sheet, "My Writer's Life."
3.  Fold the page in half. 
4.  Set a timer for 10 minutes.  On the left-hand side, as quickly as you can, list exactly what you want your writing life not to look like in the coming year.

For instance:

I don't want... 

• "to not have a place to write"
• "to keep justifying my writing to others"
  
• "to struggle to find time for my writing"
• "to be so isolated"
• "to not send work out" 

5.  Keep going until the timer chimes or you've completely exhausted all possibilities.  (Note:  This exercise isn't meant to depress you!  Tony Robbins and others stress the importance of emotionally connecting to our goals.  The more you can allow yourself to really feel, see and experience what you don't want, the easier you'll find it to connect with what you do want.)

6.  Unfold the page. Use each bullet point in the left-hand column to help you write a specific, clear intention for yourself.

For instance:

I want...

• "to have a dedicated space to write"
• "to believe in my writing so that I never justify it to others"
• "to create and adhere to a workable writing schedule"
• "to connect with other writers"
• "to send my work out regularly"

7.  Get an even clearer perspective by repeating the exercise with a new sheet of paper titled "My Writing."
---

Now that you've got a clear picture of what you want, it's time to transmute your desires into goals.  Check tomorrow's The Relaxed Writer for more tips and ideas for your very own "FreshStart '09."

Anne Frank on Gratitude, Abundance

Anne Frank, on gratitude and abundance:

I do not think of all the misery, but of the glory that remains. Go outside into the fields, nature and the sun, go out and seek happiness in yourself and in God. Think of the beauty that again and again discharges itself within and without you and be happy.  --Anne Frank

I hope you'll take a moment to yourself in the next few days to reconnect to Beauty, in whatever form you find it.

Happy Thanksgiving.

Drop the label. Rewrite the message!

If you've been actively working towards a goal but not getting the results you want, you may want to take a moment to notice what messages you tell yourself.  Our self-talk can have a powerful effect on our successes in the world, and you may be capping your efforts to change and grow by labeling yourself with negative or limiting thoughts.

My daughter's an active toddler, and one of my goals right now is to create a more organized household.  I've been taking some action steps and am seeing some progress.  However, late last week I noticed that I was continually saying to myself, "I'm certainly no domestic goddess."

Wait a minute.  On the outside, I'd been taking small, consistent steps to become a bit more domestic-goddess-like. <grin>  But on the inside, I'd been sabotaging my efforts profoundly!

After I recognized my negative self-talk, I shifted my message from "I'm no domestic goddess" to "I am creating an organized, cozy home."   

The sense of possibility I've experienced as a result of this small shift in my thinking has been significant.  This week, my husband and I sat down to a candle-lit meal together, on a cleaned-off kitchen table set with cloth napkins....not one, but two nights in a row.  I'm sure I couldn't have pulled that off if I was still thinking of myself as "no domestic goddess." 

One of the reasons people hire a life coach is to get help with noticing and changing patterns that keep them from living the life they want.

This is a sampling of the self-limiting messages I've heard from clients in the past few weeks:

• I'm really not a fiction writer...
• I'm not the 'planning type.'
• I don't take good care of my own needs.
• I'm not good at taking time to write.

Recognize yourself in any of these?   

Take Action

Today, I invite you to tune into your self-talk with the specific goal of noticing what messages you're telling yourself.  When you detect a self-limiting thought, don't judge.  Simply drop the label and rewrite the message.

I'll be interested in hearing about your experiences with this simple, powerful exercise.  Come back and post a comment, or feel free to drop me a note via email.